Ask A Romance Specialist: BDSM Beginners, Blow Jobs, & More

Ask A Romance Specialist: BDSM Beginners, Blow Jobs, & More
POSTED ON December 5, 2017

Every month our Romance Specialists are here to give you all the sex and romance help you could ever need. If something is troubling you, ask us any question you like, discreetly and privately, right here or simply by clicking on Ask A Romance Specialist at the top of the page.


I am a BDSM beginner. Is there any good reading material that I should start with first?

Depending on which aspect of BDSM interests you, Lover’s Lane carries a couple different books on the topic. Specific to BDSM is Bondage Basics, which is perfect for the bondage beginner or enthusiast wishing to explore new ideas. It covers bondage ties for many purposes and effects, whether you are dominant, submissive, male, or female. For a book that is more comprehensively targeted at kinks of all kinds, you can try The Little Book of Kink, which includes full color photos of couples demonstrating the activities. You can also check out numerous blogs we’ve done on the subject! Start out with some of our favorites listed below, and then explore the Fetish category for specific toys and items that might pique your interest.

Do you have any tips for how to give better blow jobs?

Yes! We have plenty of tips for how to give better blow jobs, all of which are covered in this handy guide – Just In Time: How to Give the Perfect Blow Job. (We wrote it to coincide with Steak and Blow Job Day, the male answer to Valentine’s Day.) Check out the post for all the tips, but the easiest thing you can immediately try is to look him in the eyes next time he’s in your mouth. Make it look like you’ve never enjoyed doing anything more than giving him that blow job, right in that moment. Take a breather to tell him how much you love it, then dive back in for more. Putting on a little show while you’re doing the deed is a surefire way to blow not just his penis, but also his mind.

My fiancé and I have a pretty bland sex life. Every night it’s the same old thing, she waits for bed then touches me a little and expects me to get all riled up. I want her to be more spontaneous and sexy, but I don't know how to do tell her that without coming off as a jerk. What can I do or buy her to help light a flame in our sex life?

The best thing you can do, especially if you are concerned about coming off as a jerk, is to practice both positive reinforcement and instruction, ideally at the same time. What this means is that when she does touch you, tell her that it feels good and then tell her what else feels good. Give her some direction; tell her exactly where to touch you next, or how to move. Saying things like, “You look so sexy when you shake your ass” are perfect because you are telling her she’s sexy and asking for what you want to see without making it sound like it’s something she hasn’t already been doing.

If she’s open to it, you might even try watching erotic videos together, during which you can tell her that you would love it if she would try (insert activity of choice) on you sometime. You might also try gifting her some lingerie, although we would advise that you be careful in terms of sizing – you don’t want to accidentally offend her with the wrong size. Try to encourage her to join you on a trip to Lover’s Lane, where our in-store Romance Specialists will be more than happy to help her find the perfect piece of lingerie for her!

Everyone needs a little help sometimes! If you need some yourself, don’t forget to ask us right here or by clicking on Ask A Romance Specialist at the top of the page. As always, feel free to stop by your local Lover’s Lane to chat with our in-store Romance Specialists in person, or discreetly browse our adult sex toys, erotic lingerie, and everything in-between online!

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