POSTED ON September 6, 2016
We’ve returned with another edition of Ask A Romance Specialist! Here, we explore the many sex- and romance-related questions you just can’t quite ask anyone else. If you have a specific concern, click Ask Our Romance Specialist at the top of the page or right here and let us know what’s troubling you.
1. My man has never come from a blowjob. What can I do? Are there products that'll help? - Cindy
If you are enjoying each other sexually, you shouldn’t be too worried about your partner’s inability to have an orgasm through oral sex. It’s entirely possible that he’s holding himself back; he might be worried about how you would handle more intense thrusting, or he may want to orgasm at the same time – or closer to the same time – as you. He could also just need additional physical stimulation in order to climax – and that’s no fault of yours. In fact, he’s lucky to have a partner who values his orgasm as much as their own. The only way to find out whether any of this applies to the two of you, however, is to have a conversation about it. Don’t take it too personally; people, men and women alike, often require very specific stimulation in order to orgasm. What’s important is to enjoy the process together.
When it comes to products, there are certain oral enhancements you can try, though no two men are the same so your mileage will certainly vary. A few we would recommend are Comfortably Numb Deep Throat Spray (if that’s an issue for you), Oral Wet in Strawberry (stick-on discs to moisten your mouth), and the Tongue Star Tongue Vibe (for the added sensation of vibration).
2. What are some of the better guides to going down on a female? - Harris
We happen to have a guide to how to have oral sex right here at the Intimacy Advisor! (The above asker might also be curious about our guide to how to give the perfect blow job, though we reiterate that it probably doesn’t have to do with their skills.) Every woman is different, but you’ll have success with cunnilingus if you’re deliberate and considerate in what you do. A few simple things to keep in mind: pay extra careful attention to the clitoris, make every motion count (we suggest pretending you’re licking an ice cream cone), and develop a rhythm. You should also read how her body responds to your actions; you should be able to tell if what you’re doing is or isn’t working simply by how her body reacts. If all else fails, of course, we always tend to come back to the same refrain: talk about it! (Just don’t try to start that conversation while your face is in her crotch; it’s always better to have open conversations about sex when you’re not in a sexual environment.)
3. How can I explain to a new partner that I more or less permanently have ED? (I’ve tried everything.) I am so afraid of rejection. Diabetes is the culprit. - Lou
You’re not going to like my answer, but it’s the only one I have: be upfront and honest about your condition. You have to overcome your fear of rejection, because the possibility that you could be rejected is always there – whether you have ED or not. If your partner is not willing to understand your condition and explore other ways to be sexual (perhaps they can masturbate while you watch, for example), then they’re ultimately not the right partner for you. You don’t have to disclose this information on the first date, but it does need to come up before you attempt to get intimate with one another. You might have to go through several painful conversations, but eventually you will find the right person, one who accepts and loves everything about you, ED or not.
Everyone needs advice sometimes, especially when it comes to sex and romance! If there’s something on your mind, don’t hesitate to ask us by clicking right here or on Ask Our Romance Specialist at the very top of the page. As always, feel free to stop by your local Lover’s Lane to speak with our in-store Romance Specialists in person, or discreetly browse our erotic lingerie, adult sex toys, and everything else in between online!