Ask A Romance Specialist: Not Kinky Enough, New to Blow Jobs, and More

Ask A Romance Specialist: Not Kinky Enough, New to Blow Jobs, and More
POSTED ON November 10, 2016

We’re back with another edition of Ask A Romance Specialist! Find out all the curious, carnal questions our fans are asking this month. As always, you can click Ask Our Romance Specialist at the top of the page or right here to send us any of those sex- and romance-related questions you just can’t quite ask anyone else.

My husband has extreme problems with getting an erection. Even Viagra doesn't work. I think it's something psychological. He never makes the first move. He doesn't get turned on by sexy clothes or by me touching him or myself or by me dancing for him. I'm so frustrated. He says the problem is that I'm not kinky enough. I've indulged him in just about every fantasy he had even if it didn't make me happy. I don't do the things for him anymore that I didn't really enjoy. He is into kink and I am all about sensuality. - Virginia

The only information I can go off of is what you’ve told us, and the signs don’t look so good. If you think it’s psychological, Viagra most definitely won’t work – but I’m not so sure that his excuse is the truth, either. He says you’re not kinky enough, but you’ve indulged every fantasy of his – even ones you didn’t like! I’m not sure there’s anything you could ever do that would satisfy him. I strongly suggest you enter into therapy together. You may stand a chance if he’s willing to talk in an honest manner, but without his cooperation, you’re doomed to frustration.

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I'm 40 years old and I've never given a blow job.  I've read your articles, as well as many others, on oral sex. My partner wants me to and I'm willing to try. But I feel uncomfortable and apprehensive about it. I've talked to my partner but he doesn't seem to understand why. What advice can you give me? - Ruth

Have you thought long and hard (no pun intended – please forgive me, Ruth) about
why you’re so uncomfortable and apprehensive? Do you feel pressure to perform well, but worried that you won’t since you’ve never done it before? That would be a perfectly natural fear, but one that you can get over if you’re willing to try, as you say you are. You say you partner doesn’t understand why, but if you don’t know why yourself, how is your partner supposed to understand?

Your comfort is key to making this happen. The best advice I can give is to tell your partner your fears. Tell your partner that you need to feel comfortable, and that you need his help in creating a low-pressure environment. Take it slowly. If you start to feel anxious, take a break. You don’t have to be a sex goddess or act like an adult film performer; a loving, understanding partner will appreciate the fact that you even want to do this in the first place.

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I can only achieve a G-spot orgasm if I am lying on my back with my husband on top. Why is this, and is there anything we can do so I can achieve this type of orgasm in other positions? - Evelyn

I’m not sure that we can answer exactly
why, Evelyn, but perhaps you can find some comfort in the fact that no two people experience orgasms in the same way – and that applies tenfold to women, and particularly so with regard to the G-spot! That being said, we can hazard a guess as to why, and that would be that it may have something to do with how your particular body is built. The best thing you can do to try and achieve G-spot orgasms in other positions is simply to experiment with them. Pay extra close attention to your body when your husband is on top, and try to recreate the location of his penis with your bodies in different positions. There is, of course, one more thing you can try: G-spot vibrators! Some of our favorites include the Nyx Vibrator for its intense G-spot curve and the Desire Explodes Vibrator for its 12 levels of intensity and eight vibe patterns.

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Our goal is to help couples have the hottest sex and most fulfilling relationships. If you don’t know where to turn with your sex and romance questions, you can try our Romance Specialist by clicking right here or at the very top of the page.

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