Ask A Romance Specialist: Pegging, Open Relationships, & More

Ask A Romance Specialist: Pegging, Open Relationships, & More
POSTED ON May 24, 2017

The Romance Specialist is back with more scintillating answers to all those questions you just can’t ask anyone else! In this edition, find out how to approach pegging, whether an open relationship might be for you, and more. Ask your own question right here or simply by clicking on Ask A Romance Specialist at the top of the page!

What is the best way to approach pegging with my partner? - Ted

Pegging, for those who may not know, refers to the practice of anal penetration between a heterosexual man and a woman wearing a strap-on dildo.

As with any other non-mainstream sexual act, the key to bringing up pegging with your partner is to keep an honest and open line of communication. If you’re worried about your partner’s reaction, take it slow. Rather than jumping right into the idea of pegging, have a conversation about power play in the bedroom instead. That way, you can gauge your partner’s reaction – if they seem intrigued, take it up a notch and discuss different forms of power play.

Make sure to have this talk when you’re both clear of mind and not about to have sex to avoid potentially accidentally pressuring your partner into something they’re not ready for. If your partner continues to seem interested, suggest that you learn more about it together through a video like The Expert Guide to Pegging, in which a noted sexpert can educate you both on how to approach the actual act of pegging.

The worst case scenario is that your partner is totally uninterested. It will then be up to you to decide the level of importance to your sexuality that you have attached to pegging. If your partner does want to go down this path with you, you can always visit your local sex store to get more information about the toys you need for strap-on play in an environment where you can actually see and feel the items.

If you prefer to be discreet, of course, there’s always online shopping. The options for strap-ons and harnesses are seemingly endless, but we recommend Doc Johnson’s Vac-U-Lock Silicone Pegging Set for a complete experience in one handy package. With silicone toys, always make sure to use water-based lube for the best experience for you and the toys!

Can open relationships really work? I’m curious about turning my relationship into one but I’m worried about the jealousy aspect. - Jenny

They can, in fact, work, but only if both partners are truly interested in giving the open relationship a fair try. If you’re already worried about the jealousy aspect before you’ve even brought it up to your partner, it may mean that you’re not ready to turn your relationship into an open one – but you just won’t know until you bring it up.

Do plenty of research beforehand. Thanks to the Internet, you can read all about other people’s experiences with open relationships, which is a great way to help you decide if this is something for you. (We’ve even covered polyamorous couples on the Intimacy Advisor before, which is not quite the same thing as an open relationship, but it does tread similar ground.)

The key to overcoming the jealousy is to be true to the spirit of openness. ALL relationships, not just open ones, fail when partners keep things from one another. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. Talk about everything. Decide together what would or would not be okay within your own open relationship, because that’s the other component – there is not one blueprint for an open relationship, just like there is not one blueprint for more traditional forms of relationships. Everyone is different, but if you can work through it together, your chance of making it work is that much greater.

You may also find, however, that your partner is simply not interested. In that case, you will have to determine if this a deal-breaker for you. Do not, under any circumstances, embark on an open relationship without your partner’s consent – AKA, cheating. If you want to be with other people, don’t be a coward – end the relationship first, and who knows? You might just find the next person you fall in love with is more interested in exploring this road with you.

How do I get my man off using just my hands? - Sylvia

Oh, the joy of a good old classic handjob. While many people might think handjobs are the stuff of horny teenagers in their parents’ cars on back roads, the truth is that it can be a whole lot of fun to bring handjob techniques into the bedroom at any time, which you are clearly already aware of, Sylvia!

When you use your hands, it’s easy to switch up the amount of pressure, so our first suggestion is to play with that in mind. Every man is, of course, different, so you might also ask yours what would turn him on. One great tip is to use your thumb; gently squeeze his penis up the shaft with growing levels of pressure until you reach the head, then swipe your thumb from side to side. Give some love to his balls, don’t forget the importance of lube (make it extra hot by spitting instead), look him in the eye, and whisper the dirtiest things you can think of in his ear… to name just a few ideas! Get even more in our handy guide to handjob techniques.

Everyone needs advice now and then, especially when it comes to sex and romance! As always, feel free to stop by your local Lover’s Lane to chat with our in-store Romance Specialists in person, discreetly browse sex toys for her and sex toys for him online, and to ask your own question, click right here or on Ask A Romance Specialist at the top of the page!