POSTED ON September 7, 2018
With age comes wisdom, and the knowledge of what we could've done better in our younger years. Take college for example, it can be a great time filled with tons of good memories, and steamy ones. Despite what they may say, no college guy is ever a romance expert. I know for sure I wasn't, but things have changed ;) so here's 7 things I wish I knew about sex & romance in college.
For anyone between the ages of 18 and 23 you should already know what makes for a good first date. You know Olive Garden is a far better choice than McDonalds. So we won't be covering which restaurants are good or bad for dates, but this actually bring us to our first topic
1) The first date doesn't have to be dinner
Dinner isn't a bad choice, in fact dinner coupled with something else (not a movie) is a great first date idea, but don't be afraid to go out and do something else. If you live in a big city, go walk around and see what's available. Anywhere that's interactive and engaging is a great choice or places that stimulate conversation. Museums seem to have a stigma of being boring and bleh, but if you go to an art gallery it can be a great place to talk, crack jokes, and have a good time. The zoo is also a fun time. If you live in a smaller town, picnics, stargazing out in a field, or maybe heading to a nearby city to see a band is recommended. I remember one time a buddy of mine telling me about a first date he had where they went to Meijer, Costco, Sam's Club, all the major grocery stores, and tried to get as many free samples from each one as they could. Fun, exciting, involves food, that's a great idea! It's always a good idea to pick a place or activity that you think the other person will enjoy, which brings us right to the next one.
2) Care more about your significant other's happiness than your own
If you want to be happy in a relationship, the best way to achieve that is by ensuring your partner's happiness. Think about it this way: you can only gain or receive so much if someone is willing to give, but if you're the one giving then you open yourself up to receiving. The important part is to never give with the hope of receiving, if you want to read more about this specifically, we explore this topic more in depth in our article When Giving is as Exciting as Receiving. Being in a relationship is one of most selfless things you can do because you're dedicating yourself to grow and develop with someone. While every relationship is always going to have some problems because no one is perfect, a healthy relationship learns how to deal with those problems and over time it becomes easier. On the other hand, unhealthy couples are those who don't communicate about their needs, feelings, etc. Don't be an unhealthy couple, just talk.
3) COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE
You know what's really not that hard that you already do every single day? Talking. And wouldn't you especially want to talk with the person you love, or really like, if you're in a new relationship? Notice how it's not "talk to" or "talk at" but "talk with" it takes two to tango and relationships are the ultimate dance. You might feel awkward or uneasy telling your partner what you want in bed, but the thing is, they're either feeling the same way or they aren't, but if that's the case they're more likely than not to listen. Plus, communication is the only way that any problem has been solved ever. That doesn't necessarily mean it has to be verbal communication, but it needs to be direct, thoughtful, intentional, and meaningful. It could be as simple as an "I Love You" and a passionate kiss before you leave for work or a series of gestures over a prolonged period of time. So go tell them you love them.
4) Always cuddle after sex
This is a pretty important tip that a lot of people don't actually know. It's actually crazy how many benefits there are to post-coital cuddles. During and after sex your body releases oxytocin, the bonding chemical, making them desire more love which is the whole point of cuddling. Also, couples who cuddle after sex, especially couples with kids, feel more satisfied in their sex life and their relationship, because it affirms and strengthens their love for each other. Studies have also shown that couples who consistently cuddle for even a few weeks are happier with their relationship and sex life months down the road meaning cuddling has invaluable long term benefits. It's not unusual for women to feel vulnerable after sex so the additional time cuddling makes her feel loved and desired. Since the cuddling treasured so dearly comes after sex, your partner might just want to have more sex. And who doesn't like more sex? Because of everything previously discussed, cuddling makes us feel good, and it makes us closer physically, emotionally, and intimately so go cuddle your special someone!
5) Making a connection will pay off
Even though a one night stand can be great sex, the people that will often give you the best sex, and better sex each time, is someone you've connected with. The key here is not to hastily make a connection with sex being the end goal. When people make making the connection the end goal, sex usually happens along the way, or if it doesn't it'll be that much more mind-blowing at the end. People often breeze past the fact that sex is about connecting and being intimate with another person. While one night stands can be beneficial, because sex has a number of health benefits, there are even more benefits to sex in a long-term committed relationship. The problem with sex as the end goal is that it's selfish because you're focused more on what the other person can do for you rather than what you can do for the other person.
6) It's easier to date a girl if her friends like you, so be real not fake
Unlike guys, women are generally a lot more communal. They tend to form closer more trusting friendships quicker than guys. Many times I liked a particular girl and then I found myself casually talking to her friends that always ran into me in the hallways or cafeteria, or occasionally at my job (I worked as a writing tutor at my college for a number of years, so it wasn't that odd they'd drop by). The moral of the story is girls in their early to mid twenties, it tapers off into the thirties as people mature, often consult their best friends for their opinion on a certain guy that likes them or they like. The important thing for you guys to know is, if her friends like you, then she's more likely to like you. But guys, there's a fine line between a healthy level of platonic friendship and being too flirty. The moral of the story is be a real genuine person to her and her friends, and you're more likely to have a first date than by doing what your other buddies say. After all, I am the Intimacy Advisor 😉
7) Just because the sex is amazing doesn't mean the relationship is or will be
2 things: 1) you had the best sex in your life with someone that probably wasn't the best fit for you, but the sex was so good and you didn't want it to stop so you prolonged the relationship. 2) This is going to happen to you at some point. You'll tell yourself things like: "This can totally workout!" "We're so good together" and look over a lot of red flags to keep the bed rocking. Try to think with your head, not the head below the belt, is this someone you think would complement you in most every area of your life? Are they the yin to your yang, peanut butter to your jelly, the fireworks to your 4th of July? I've heard a lot of people talk about sex, love, romance, and marriage in my short time here on earth, and the most consistent answer I've heard from people who have lifelong loving marriages is that they feel comfortable and at peace whenever they see their significant other, that's not to say they're without excitement. It just comes in different ways.