Ask A Romance Specialist


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My husband and I have been married for ten years. As time has passed our sex life is rare and routine. I’m a very sexual person and the once a month is no longer working for me. I have tried everything, sexting, dirty talk, sexy pictures, voice recording, I even sent him a video of me pleasuring myself! I still can’t get more than once a month. Any advice on what I can do? And how I can change the frequency? We don’t have kids so we don’t have any interruptions. I’m starting to think it’s me. Help! – Lillian

As much as we appreciate being comfortable with someone, things can get pretty boring with the same old, same old routine. Chances are, your husband is just a little too comfortable with it. He most likely doesn’t realize that you’re feeling neglected in the sex department, which is now affecting your confidence, it seems. You know from years of dating and marriage that communication is key, even when it’s a touchy subject like this.

Talk to your husband about how you’re feeling. If there’s anything you’d like to do in the bedroom, throw it out there. Let him know that you still want him just as much, if not more, as you did in the beginning. You can’t force him to want to up the intimacy, but you can definitely let him know it’s what you want. There’s a pretty good chance he simply didn’t think about it like you have been. Honesty is the best policy, and we’re sure the two of you will spark that flame again.

I know people normally get flowers, chocolates, etc. for Sweetest Day, but I want to do something really fun for my girlfriend this year. We’ve been together for two years and I think she’s the one. I am planning to propose to her soon, but I don’t want to do that on Sweetest Day. Do you have any ideas for something special that goes out of the box but won’t overshadow when I do actually propose to her later this year? – Jeffrey

We’re all about thinking outside of the box for gifts, especially when it’s for a special occasion. As much as we love flowers and chocolate, they can easily be overdone. For a girl as special as yours, take her on an adventure that lasts the entire day, visiting the places you went together when you first started dating. Take her to the location of your first date, first kiss, and her favorite bakery or coffee shop. When you get home, have a surprise waiting: a trail of our Eye of Love Sensual Rose Petals leading into the bedroom and onto the bed and spend the night making each other feel good with the Sweetheart Massage Collection. She’ll be so impressed by your thoughtfulness that she’ll surely return the favor.

How do you figure out when to have the “what are we?” conversation? I really enjoy the lead-up to a relationship, and I would honestly prefer him to initiate the conversation, but how do I know he’s not waiting for me? Are there signs that he is or is not ready to have this conversation? Should I just buck up and say something? HELP! — Cynthia

It’s a little tricky to pinpoint exactly when two people should have the “what are we?” talk. On one hand, it’s always a good idea to be open and honest with one another, but sometimes it’s better to let things happen naturally. Unfortunately, a lot of guys tend to steer clear of the “relationship” talk because the topic can be a bit intimidating for them. If you’re feeling pretty antsy about putting a label on it, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to bring it up to your guy.

But be thoughtful in your approach – he might not be feeling ready to completely settle down just yet. No worries, though! Everyone moves at their own pace, and if he’s not ready just yet, that doesn’t mean he won’t be eventually. But if you speak up and he’s still noncommittal, that itself is a sign. If commitment is what you want, you won’t be getting it from him. Cut ties and move on. The right person will be as ecstatic to commit to you as you are to them.

As always, feel free to stop by your local Lover’s Lane to chat with our in-store Romance Specialists in person, discreetly browse gifts for her and gifts for him online, and to ask your own question, click right here or on Ask A Romance Specialist at the top of the page! Don’t be shy – we love to help lovers out!

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