Ask A Romance Specialist


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I have what feels like an unusual problem. I am a woman who is interested in trying anal sex, but my boyfriend has never once mentioned it. We have explored other kinky things before but I’m still finding it hard to bring up anal, even though I really want to try. Do you have any tips? – Delilah

It sounds like the problem might just be in your own head, which is both good and bad. He has never expressed disinterest, which doesn’t mean he’s not interested – he may be feeling the same way you are! One option you might explore is to watch a TV show together that you know brings up the subject (
Girls or Sex and the City are just two ideas) and use that as a springboard for conversation.

Communication is the key to a healthy, fulfilling relationship – so you have to communicate your desires. If talking is too hard, write it down! Try to let go of your own preconceived notions about what he’s thinking and open a dialogue. However, you should also prepare yourself for the possibility that he is not interested in the same way you are. Sometimes kinks and fetishes don’t exactly align, but only you can decide if that’s ultimately a deal breaker for you.

My boyfriend has never given me oral and he’s my one and only of 8 years. I don’t want to force him, but every time we talk about it he tells me he’s a germaphobe so he doesn’t like doing anything down there. This is also his reasoning for not fingering me any more. I love pleasuring him, but it is a little hard to do when I get nothing in return. Having sex doesn’t always do the job because I’d like to mix it up a bit. What can I do? Besides masturbate, I already do that. – Genevieve


Uh oh. You probably won’t like our advice, but it’s not really okay for your boyfriend of 8 years to have never given you oral and to have stopped fingering you because he’s a germaphobe. You are bending over backwards to please your boyfriend and all you get in return is penetration, which, as you yourself said, doesn’t always do the job.

So what should you do besides masturbate? Break up with him and keep on masturbating until you find a partner who respects and appreciates you enough to please you in return. Your current partner is not a germaphobe; he’s making excuses. Get rid of him.

I’m a mature woman who has never orgasmed. I’ve come close recently with my vibrator but never get there. Any suggestions? – Maude

Keep trying! We’ve covered
everything you need to know about female orgasms in the past, so you might want to revisit that for some insight. You also probably have a subconscious mental block, which is difficult to address being that it is subconscious, but try to tell yourself, “I will have an orgasm.” Make it your mantra. You mentioned a vibrator, but did you know there are other types of sex toys that may be better suited to your body? Try some clitoral toys like the penguin-shaped Gossip Groove, the Fifty Shades-inspired Delicious Tingles, tongue-shaped Iroha Tori, or the Boom Cyclone for its rotating tickler!

At Lover’s Lane, we always want to help couples have the hottest sex and most satisfying relationships. If you need some answers for your sex and romance questions, don’t hesitate to ask our Romance Specialist by clicking right here or at the very top of the page.

For a live resource, you can always head to your local Lover’s Lane. Feel free to discreetly browse our erotic lingerie, adult sex toys for her, adult sex toys for him, and everything else in between online.

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