Ask A Romance Specialist: Virgins, Sex Toys, & More!

Ask A Romance Specialist: Virgins, Sex Toys, & More!
POSTED ON July 9, 2019

We got some different kind of questions this month than we usually do! Even though the questions were asked by a less experienced crowd, no one's perfect so everyone can keep learning and try new tantalizing tricks ;)


Hello! I'm fairly new to the world of sex toys, and I'm also a virgin. Eventually, me and my boyfriend would like to engage in intercourse, but I was thinking of buying something small and…phallic? (lol) I want to get myself adjusted to having something inside me, other than my own fingers. He's very well endowed in that area, but he's okay with waiting until I'm ready. I have one other sex toy but it's only for clitoral stimulation. -Raven

Hey girl, so we got a couple options for you depending on what you want. I picked out two dildos and two vibrators on the thinner side so you could work your way up to having your boyfriend inside you:

The Ruse D Thang Silicone Dong is a simple slim phallic looking dildo. Just your basic sex toy, no vibrations or electronic anything else, just 6 insertable inches of silicone. It's not textured, but if you're just looking for "something small and...phallic" then this works great.

Here's the most realistic toy on our list today: The Realcocks Uncircumsized 6-inch Sliders Dildo featuring lifelike shifting skin. Pretty simple but also pretty cool, I don't of many of toys that have a sliding skin. If you want to throw a g-spot orgasm into your sexual exploration then the next two are what you should focus on.

As for stuff that vibrates, the Inya Ripple Vibrator has a variety of speeds and functions so you can experience a plethora of sensations and relish in the lavish stimulation. I know penises don't have ridges, but have some texture to your toy is nice.

If you want to keep the clitoral stimulation and have some vaginal penetration then a rabbit vibrator is your best choice. My recommendations are either the Disco Bunny and the Amorino. Maybe you just want something the same shape of your finger, but longer to experience a deeper sensation. If that's what you want, then the Chrystalino Tower Glass Wand is what I'd recommend, otherwise any of the above 5 toys should do the trick.

Hey there, so I'm a virgin but I want to have sex with my girlfriend who's totally amazing, like the love of my life, and she's also a lot more experienced than I am. I'm really nervous though and I want it to be near as perfect as it can get (I know, total virgin cliche) do you have any advice on anything? Like positions? Thrusting vs grinding? Foreplay? How to make her orgasm? I'm a big fan and I read all your articles. Please help! -Zack

I will address all your questions, but first the biggest advice I can give you is this: I don't know what your reasons or logic for being a virgin are, and it's totally OK to be a virgin, after all, that's how we all start. There's absolutely nothing wrong with virginity, and honestly sex is a big deal. It's an intimate vulnerable experience so I completely understand why some people want to be virgins longer. What I've found from talking to countless people from all different walks of life, backgrounds, circumstances, and situations is this:

The people who waited to have sex with someone that they had a solid connection with and who reciprocated that had better sex than those who had a one night stand, were drunk, or had a not so good relationship. The best sex of your life is not going to be your first time. Everything gets better the more you do it. Now everybody is different so it can take varied amounts of time for different people to get better at sex or even form that solid connection they want before sex. You don't have to wait till marriage, unless you and your partner want to of course; there's nothing wrong with that.

That's definitely my number one advice. Make sure you trust them, feel comfortable around them, and be sure to communicate all your feelings not just the happy excited ones but the nervous anxious ones too. Take things slow, literally and figuratively. It can take women up 40 minutes to become fully aroused and (on average) 13.6 minutes to orgasm. So if you want her to orgasm, then you're in it for the long haul, and it's worth it, so so worth it. There's a lot of contributing factors to that like how aroused she is, how she's being stimulated, what else you're doing with your hands, lips, etc.

Positions - Starting with missionary is definitely recommended. It's easy, intimate, and you can modify it, change it up, use toys, sex furniture, start moving arms and legs from there, but for your first time, missionary is probably the best idea. Doggystyle is another simple but solid position. Easy to do, deep penetration, great view for you! Since she has more experience, a girl on top position could work well, like the classic cowgirl, or reverse cowgirl. Also the Jugghead position is great too if you're looking for something unique. He lies on the floor and puts his legs on top of a bed, couch, chair, ottoman, whatever, then when his knees are just off the edge she climbs on top on all fours and backs into him so he can thrust into her (although he has limited range of motion) or she can control the speed and depth of penetration. Besides missionary, lotus is probably the most intimate. He sits up straight with his legs crossed and she sits on top of him with her legs wrapped around him.

Thrusting vs Grinding - Short Answer: Do both. Long Answer: It depends on what position you're in, but chances are you're going to do more thrusting than grinding. However, thrusting doesn't stimulate the clitoris a whole lot (if at all) and that's why grinding is so great because it applies constant pressure and stimulation. Couple that with the deep penetration of being all the way in her and you're on the way to satisfying her.

Foreplay - Just like after play, like cuddling, foreplay is severely undermined and under performed which is sad because it can be quite arousing. Does she have any fantasies she would like to act out? Does she want to strip for you? Be stripped by you? Watch you strip? Strip you? Does she want an intimate massage beforehand? Does she want to make out and slowly take off each article of clothing while you feel her up and kiss every inch of skin before slowly making your way down and eventually eating her out? That last one will probably drive her mad with desire for you. Communicate with her and ask what turns her on the most.

How to make her orgasm - I'm pretty sure you've gotten the longest response out of everyone ever, and I've given you a lot of tips as to how to make this happen already. If you want to read further on this topic, check out this article --> The Complete Guide to Female Pleasure & Passion.

I appreciate your support Zack! I hope this helps, and I hope you & your girlfriend have an incredibly passionate, intimate, and fun time together 😉

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