We all know sleep is important for staying healthy, but how important is it for sexual health? Turns out, very! Try these tips for improving your sleep habits, and watch the magic unfold between the sheets more often!
Invest in good quality bedding.
High quality bedding is expensive, yes, but it is worth its weight in gold with how much better you will sleep in it. Natural fibers like cotton and bamboo are better at wicking moisture, helping you maintain a comfortable body temperature, and feel softer and more comfortable than all those synthetic mystery microfiber ones popping up everywhere. Generally speaking, the higher the thread count, the softer and smoother they will feel, but they may become less breathable, so it’s okay to opt for lower counts if you sleep hot.
Pop quiz: When was the last time you replaced your pillows? If you can’t easily remember and name the approximate date, or if that date wasn’t in the last 2 years, it’s time. Pillows are a hot bed for dust mites, dander, and other allergens that build up over time and can make it harder and harder to breathe clearly while you sleep. If you’ve been waking up congested or with itchy eyes, your nasty old pillows may be to blame. Pick up some new ones (and some allergen-proof protectors for them) and see how much better you sleep.
Also, while a big ol’ wet spot in the bed is a sign that you just had incredible sex, no one wants to sleep in said wet spot. Lay down a luxurious velvety Fascinator throw from Liberator to catch the mess in style, then take it off at bedtime. If you’re in a hurry, and especially if it’s right before bedtime, at least lay down a towel. And hey, if you have the space for it, why not have a sex bed and a sleep bed?
Block the blues & go outside.
For years now, we’ve all been inundated with articles about how bad the blue light from our cell phones, tablets, TVs, etc. is for our natural sleep cycle. It’s more disruptive than you might think, though – bad enough that sleep experts recommend avoiding it completely after 6pm. If you (like most of us) can’t imagine spending your entire evening device-free, at least invest in some blue-blocking glasses and start donning them a bit before sundown. These help minimize the blue light exposure that can interfere with your natural circadian rhythm. This means you’ll have an easier time winding down at night, fall asleep faster, and get longer and better quality nights of sleep. Invest in a quality dimmable alarm clock meant for bedrooms, too, so you don’t have to check your phone for the time if you wake up in the middle of the night. Even this quick glance can make it hard to fall back asleep.
Another way to help regulate your circadian rhythm is to make sure you get at least a little time outdoors every day. Sleep experts recommend at least 10-15 minutes outside within an hour of waking up, and then another 30 minutes between 1 and 3 pm…even when the weather’s not great. Daylight therapy lamps and working near a window can help a little, but just getting outside is the most effective approach. Spending time in nature – even if it’s just your neighborhood or office parking lot – can also help reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and reduce symptoms of depression. Another boon for your sex drive!
Keep the bedroom sacred for sleep…and sex.
Your bedroom should only be used for the things you’re supposed to do in bed: sleeping (and your wind down and wake up routines), and having sex and all the usual before & after activities that go with it. Sticking to only those activities in the space helps ensure it always feels like a restful (or sensual) haven where you can escape the day’s drudgery and just enjoy. Doing things like exercising, eating, watching TV & playing video games, or working in the bedroom can lead to you having a harder time winding down in the space. This means all you folks lucky enough to still be working from home should at least get out of bed, put on something resembling pants, and go work in the living room with Bridgerton on in the background.
Set the scene for sleep.
Just like you occasionally change things about your space to set the mood for sex, there are things you can do to get your environment in sleep mode, too. As mentioned above, phones and other devices should be as “put away” as possible. Dimmable lights are a great choice for a bedroom, as you can start to dim them the later it gets and the closer you are to lights out. If you both like to sleep with a fan or white noise machine, turn that on; the familiar sound helps trigger your brain that it’s time to sleep.
If all else fails, consider a “sleep divorce”.
More and more couples are turning to what has been dubbed a “sleep divorce”. The premise is simple: during waking hours, you’re happily married/partnered and enjoy spending your time together. Once bedtime rolls around, though, you go your separate ways for the night. You each have your own bed in your own bedroom. You can each control the temperature and environment of your own sleep space exactly how YOU like it. Fan or no fan? 3 blankets or barely a sheet? Dark and silent or with a nightlight and sleep music playing? Pets or no pets?* Just like Burger King, you can have it YOUR way. And you don’t have to listen to anyone snoring or wake to your partner tossing and turning.
Isn’t that bad for our relationship, though?
While the term “sleep divorce” has a bit of a negative connotation to it relationship-wise, there’s nothing bad about this setup at all. Not sleeping together in the same bed all night, every night doesn’t make you any less of a loving couple. In fact, if you’re sleeping better, you may find yourselves happily growing closer and arguing less. Sleep deprivation can do a number on our moods, making crankiness & disagreements happen more frequently. Sleeping separately also does not make you prone to having less sex. In fact, if you try this routine, you may find it leads to having MORE sex! Since you’ll both be getting better rest, but presumably will miss each other during the night, you’ll have more energy and more desire to get busy before bedtime or in the morning on a regular basis. Take turns doing it in each other’s rooms…the change of surface and scenery may make things more exciting, too! As long as the intimacy is still there, there is absolutely nothing wrong with separating your sleep spaces.
Is there a middle ground?
If sleeping solo is a little too extreme for you, there are other modifications you can try while still sleeping together. Try putting separate blankets on each side of the bed so you’re not playing tug-of-war, or a mattress (or heated mattress pad – SO nice for those frigid Midwest winter nights) with controllable zones. Especially if you and your partner have very different wake-up times, consider a silent alarm clock, like the ones built into many smart watches & fitness trackers.
If most other factors of sleeping together work okay, you can always just do what most couples do – snuggle, sex, and smooch for a bit, then scooch as far away as possible – possibly with your backs to each other – to sleep. 🙂
