How to Write Your Sexual Bucket List

by Kristin T.

July 16, 2023


Most people are familiar with the idea of a “bucket list” – that is, a list of things you want to do and places you want to see before you “kick the bucket”. But while bucket lists often include adventurous activities and exciting travel destinations, there’s one category of meaningful missions they usually neglect to catalog: Sexual exploits.

You might be thinking, “how can I make an entire bucket list about sex? I have one goal and one goal only for my sex life – have lots of it!” But if you really sit down and think about it, is that really all there is to it? Most people, when they really sit down and think about it, have tons of unique desires and sexy things they want to try in the bedroom. And if you don’t write them down, they may very easily be forgotten about in the future, especially in the heat of the moment.

Check out these tips and tricks to learn how to write your Sexual Bucket List with your partner. Make it your mission to make love in more than missionary before you shuffle off this mortal coil.

Why should I do this?

  • It can spice things up: Even if you don’t think you have a need for a sexual bucket list now, you may find yourself wishing you had one down the road. As relationships age and change – even if the sex is great and frequent – it can get monotonous over time. Having creative ideas on a sexual bucket list can help shake things up and reawaken the fires of passion for both of you.
  • It enhances your sexual connection: Working through a sexual bucket list together gives you and your partner a fun challenge and something to strive for together. Completing items is like unlocking an achievement and becomes something to celebrate…possibly with the desire to complete some more items. Even (or maybe especially) if some of your goals push you a little outside of your comfort zone, you and your partner will be deepening your intimacy and sexual connection each time you work on that list.
  • It keeps all your great ideas in one place: Have you ever had an amazing idea, only for it to slip away forever before the time is right? This happens in all aspects of life, not just bedroom desires. Having an ongoing sexual bucket list – which is meant to change and grow over time – gives you a place to write those ideas down the second you have them. Wake up from a really hot dream and want to recreate that scene in real life? Write it down. There will be no more forgetting great ideas before you can enjoy them.
  • It can relieve bedroom boredom: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking occasional downtime/quiet time/’you’ time/parallel play time when you’re in a relationship. But the next time you find yourselves staring at your own screens and really wanting to do something with each other but not knowing what, just refer to your handy dandy bucket list. You’ll be getting busy checking something off in no time!

Where should I keep it?

Deciding where, how, and in what format to compose your sexual bucket list is important. You have a few options here – a good old-fashioned notebook and pen, an ongoing digital note in your phone, a Google doc, or an Excel spreadsheet for the truly nerdy. Here are some things to consider when choosing:

  • You want it to be handy when you need it. Whether it’s to jot down a great idea you just had and want to hold onto, or to peek at for an idea as you rush excitedly into the bedroom, you want to be able to open it quickly and find what you’re looking for.
  • It needs to be able to grow and evolve. Even if you start with a great number of base items, the point of a sexual bucket list is for it to grow with you and change as you have new ideas and desires. You want to put it somewhere so adding to, changing it, and checking things off is easy.
  • You want it to be private. Couples with toddlers or no children might have different needs than couples with preteens at home. You want to compose your sexual bucket list somewhere safe from prying eyes.
  • You should both be able to add to it. Whether it’s a journal kept in your bedroom or a shared Google doc, you should both be able to add to your sexual bucket list whenever you want to, or whenever you have a new idea. Remember, though, that when you add something, it still needs to be discussed with your partner and consented to before it can happen.

How should I (or we) do this?

The best time to get started on a sexual bucket is when you’re feeling aroused and excitable but not too horny. This is when your sexual energy will get that engine turning to generate the best ideas. Pour your favorite beverages and sit down with your partner in a comfy space where you can collaborate. I find it’s more fun to generate a coupled sexual bucket list together, but if you each want to start out by creating your own, and then combine them and see where you have matches or overlaps, that’s fine too.

Use whatever medium, format, or program you selected to start listing things…it should just be like a crazy brainstorming session at first. Write every idea down, even if it’s not great or one of you doesn’t like it – you can always discuss more later and remove things if needed.

If you’re creating the bulk of your sexual bucket list while single, the sky is the limit. You can focus mostly on things you’d like to try in the self-love department, but add some things for partnered sex for down the road if that’s part of your desire.

Make Creative Categories

It usually helps to break your sexual bucket list into categories so you know where to find things…and to put new things when you come up with them! These categories may differ based on your interests (and how kinky you are) but just for some basic ideas, you can try starting with

  • Places to Have Sex
  • Positions to Try
  • BDSM/Kink scenes
  • Role Play
  • Toys/Props to use
  • Masturbation (and mutual masturbation),
  • Foreplay
  • Time/duration/intensity goals (i.e. have sex every morning for a week; reach orgasm simultaneously during doggie-style sex, etc.)

It’s Okay to Just Try

When you’re putting things on your list, remember that you’re not committing to doing any of these things all the time…or even once, if you really don’t want to. It helps to keep an open mind and list things you’re willing to at least try in the bedroom. Interested in screaming & moaning lots while you’re doing the deed, or maybe your partner would love to hear you do this? List it, try it once, and see if it makes things hotter. If not, it’s fine to go back to being the sexy, more silent type.

Get Inspired

If you and your lover are having a hard time thinking of things to list, consume some media for inspiration. Think about the search terms you’d use for a really hot porn you’d want to watch…then watch it together. Read magazines or online listicles like the ones linked at the end of this post, watch sexy movies, read romance novels. Any time something makes one or both of you go “whew, that’s hot!”, write it down!

Make it Mingle

With just a little creativity, you’ll likely find that the ideas on your sexual bucket list will mingle nicely with your standard bucket list, if you have one of those. Want to have sex on the beach? Make sure you get some time for two on that tropical vacation. Want to do bondage play involving folks outside your relationship? Head to that big kink party or BDSM convention that you’ve been talking about going to for years. You’ll meet like-minded individuals, come closer together than ever before as a couple, and check some items off both of your bucket lists!

List Lots of Options

I didn’t want to make this post just a list of items to add to your sexual bucket list, because that’s been done over & over again. If you and your lover are stumped before you’ve filled half a page, though, you can check out some of these lists curated by Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Cosmopolitan, or The Adventure Challenge For Couples. You want a broad selection of items – from simple to complex – to really fill your bucket list. This gives you lots of choices and options that will be just right for that moment whenever you need them.

Most importantly, have a great time bonding as you create your Sexual Bucket List. I know you’ll have an even better time as you start to check things off!

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