Keep Your Toys Squeaky Clean to Make You Scream

by Christopher J.

March 28, 2024

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Although sex toys (or things vaguely resembling them and probably used as them) have been available in caverns of love for many millennia, these multi-shaped instruments of intimacy have gained increased popularity and vastly improved sanitary properties during the past few decades.

Technically, there were sex toys being crafted before there were male and female homo sapiens to enjoy them. Some researchers believe Neanderthals carved stone, wood, bone and possibly deer antlers into phallic wands some 30,000 years ago. They may have been used primarily as decorative or ornamental objects rather than for sexual pleasure, as the thought of a stone dildo seems like it wouldn’t be the most comfortable experience for Neanderthal peen enthusiasts. Cave floor sex must have been rough enough!

So is the scary thought of having to keep them clean, or more accurately, their probable inability to do so. Especially in a prehistoric age when you had no idea what bacteria even was, and you couldn’t just click on Lover’s Lane links to order sex toy cleansing products, maintaining proper hygiene of your randy relics would have been nearly impossible.

A wooden dildo “as old as Jesus” found on an archeological dig in England as detailed by Esquire here.

Fast forward to the 500 BC era, when the ancient Greeks had advanced the science of sex toys to feature erotic hand-held entertainers in the shape of male and female genitalia made from brass or stuffed leather. Certainly a welcome improvement. But they really dropped the dildo, so to speak, when they lustfully but unwittingly chose to shape old loaves of hardened bread into insertable sex toys. These highly erotic, um, bread sticks lubricated with olive oil were called olisbokollikes. Yum?

Okay, the moldy bread trick worked once for humans with Alexander Fleming’s 1928 discovery that penicillin mold killed bacteria. But in 500 BC, the use of bread as a sex toy, hopefully only once while it was fresh, was still rife with the potential for all kinds of bacterial bad news for anyone who inserted it sexually.

Time to fast-forward again to our more informed and technically advanced age and get real about the care and cleaning of your sex toys. That starts with a good washing after you first remove the toy from the box, because you can’t be sure the manufacturer cleaned off any dust or other particles from the factory, advises Allison Webb, Ohio district sales manager for Lover’s Lane.

“When it comes to sex toy cleaning, every toy needs cleaner, just like your hair needs shampoo, your teeth need toothpaste, and especially something that’s going into such an intimate area of somebody’s body,” she affirms.

Allison adds that you need to use the right cleaner for the right job, too. That’s vital because you need sex toy cleaner to clean off body fluids and bacteria from whatever area of the body you are using the toy to stimulate or touch.

“A lot of people will want to just rinse the toy off with water, but water won’t clean off the bacteria from your body,” she says. “I also get nervous when people want to clean their products with a harsh chemical like bleach that could harm their toy in the long run.” While toys are made from much more non-porous materials than wood or bone these days, even those microscopic pores in silicone or plastics can harbor fluids and bacteria.

While it’s perfectly fine to clean with basic soap and water, the absolute key necessity there is to ensure that you rinse the product thoroughly, according to Allison. One of the reasons is because soaps might contain fragrance or dyes that could affect someone’s chemical balance or cause sensitivities if they come in contact with their intimate anatomical areas when not properly rinsed off.

Using liquid or foam toy cleaners is good, especially the foams that can reach nooks and crannies inside the toy material, Allison says. If the material is nonporous, the foams do a great job cleaning the texture of the toy’s ribbing or studs. She also recommends checking the cleaner’s contents and favoring natural, organic ingredients that serve as more gentle, body-friendly cleansers. For safety, unplug or remove any batteries from the toy before cleaning. Glass and stainless steel toys may even be cleaned and sanitized in your dishwasher.

Next, after cleaning your sex toys, make sure that they are completely dry before putting them away. “You want to rinse them off thoroughly so you don’t let the cleaner linger on the toy,” Allison instructs. “Then just let it air dry. That way you don’t pat it dry with a cloth or a paper towel that could leave lint or fuzzies on it for your next use.”

Proper toy storage is essential, too, she says. That means you want to avoid a commonly preferred go-to – your sock or underwear drawer – because those are also perfect lint-collection spots. Think about using a Lover’s Lane lint-free and antimicrobial sex toy storage bag, of which there are many options for size and style. There’s a locking toy bag for safety and privacy with an attractive and durable micro-suede exterior. There’s even a cute heart storage bag that includes a zipper enclosure to hold your favorite packable sex toy along with your makeup and underwear when you travel.

“Like cleaning, proper toy storage is definitely going to be part of your general health, when it comes to your sex toys,” Allison says. “So you need to store them in a spot that’s going to be clean, dry, and away from any extreme heat to prevent bacteria or fungi from forming on the material.”

To keep your products – especially those realistic-feeling penis strokers that can harbor moisture inside – in tip-top shape for use, she recommends applying a refresh toy powder, which is available in several different types. There’s also one made specifically to restore Doc Johnson ULTRASKYN products.

“If your toy is feeling tacky or doughy, that’s an indicator that the water inside the toy hasn’t completely dried out or evaporated,” Allison says. “A refresh powder will help the toy do that so that it will maintain that natural feeling for a longer period of time.”

Finally, many of the toys that vibrate or move or have mechanical components are going the way of using rechargeable batteries. But bear in mind that if your less high-tech toys require Triple A or disk batteries, she advises removing them when not in use for long periods so that they don’t corrode.

Just another means of keeping your little sexual stimulators the lean, mean, CLEAN pleasure giving machines that you desire them to be!

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