POSTED ON December 27, 2020
The new year is almost upon us! It's time to set goals, make plans, and prepare to make changes that will hopefully turn us into better people leading happier, more fulfilling lives! This past year has been a struggle to say the least, but setting resolutions for 2021 gives us something to focus on while we patiently wait and hope for things to get better. And what's a better place to start forming those resolutions around than our relationships?
If this year taught us anything, it just might be the importance of our relationships. If you, like many others in all parts of the world, found yourself in a lockdown or stay-at-home situation, your partner may have been all you had to weather the storm with. If you were locked down separately from those you love, things may have been even harder. We've all found ways to communicate and cope with being apart from friends, family, and loved ones for so long, but nothing beats good old-fashioned human contact. Staying connected, even in the same household, has been challenging. Let's look at some New Years Resolutions you might consider making for the year ahead that focus on improving your romantic relationship!
Resolve to Have More Sex.
The most commonly occurring theme the "Ask the Intimacy Advisor" questions are centered around is mismatched sexual desire levels. Very commonly, one partner wants lots of sex, and the other just doesn't seem to want any at all. A romantic relationship which started on the premise of sex being involved should always continue to have sex involved; when it doesn't, something deep down may be wrong with one or both partners or the quality of the relationship itself. Having sex regularly is important for your own mental and physical health, too. It decreases stress hormones like cortisol and increase happy hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin.
If you find yourself in a mostly sexless relationship, make sure to talk to your partner about their feelings and why that may have happened. There may be a two-way misunderstanding going on. Then, set a goal to have more sex. Make sure it's realistic at first or you'll just get more frustrated, but the numbers can increase over time as you make sex a regular habit again. You can even schedule it if you have to! It may not seem romantic at first, but if you commit to making it happen on a schedule first, you'll rebuild those bonds and then be able to make it more spontaneous. Sure, extenuating circumstances or last-minute interferences may have to interrupt the schedule sometimes, but make sure you always schedule a raincheck date! Lazy sex is okay, quickies are okay, unshowered early morning sex is okay...as long as you're having sex, that's all that really counts!
If you and your lover work to improve your communication and the emotional aspects of your relationship and sex life but still need a little help physically, there are many options for both men and women. For men who need help with arousal, there's Max Arousal Pleasure Gel or MDScience CBD Male Arousal Cream. Penis pumps and supplements are also a popular option for guys who need a little help getting it up, and c-rings are the perfect option for helping to keep it up...especially vibrating couples toys that will provide her with a little pleasure as well! If you need a little help making the moment last for more than a moment, there are products for that, too, like Max Control Prolong Gel or So Long Delay Wipes. Ladies, there are plenty of potions and products to help improve your enjoyment and orgasms as well! Try Secret Garden Enhancing Cream or Lotus Gel for Lovers from Shunga to intensify sensations around your clitoris. On Arousal Oil or CBD Arousal Cream for her might fit the bill as well! You're not forgotten in the supplement department either, and a dose of Pink Pussycat or Kangaroo 2K for her might be just the ticket to the mind-blowing orgasms you've been missing!
Resolve to Spend Quality Time Together.
Due to the pandemic, it's quite possible that you've spent more time than ever with your partner this year! But how much of that time has been quality time? Working from home together from opposite corners of the house doesn't count! In the new year, focus on really being present with your partner when you're spending time together. Put away the phones, focus on conversation and true togetherness, and do things together that you both enjoy. Quality time is important for all couples, whether it's someone's Love Language or not! Date nights unfortunately have to look a little different for awhile still due to Covid-19, so focus on things you can do at home.
Like to play video games? Find a two-player game in your favorite genre you can play together. Enjoy reading? Start a mini book club with just you two, or with a few friends over video chat. Into board games? Try out some new two-player ones (or sexy games meant just for couples!), hold regular family game nights, or do a murder mystery in a box or escape room in a box as a date night. Dim the lights and enjoy a sensual couple's massage...take turns rubbing each other down, then bond through some naked cuddle time.
One of the easiest parts of your day to work in some quality time is dinner time. Switch up any routines you have in place now that don't contribute to optimum quality time spent together. If dinner usually involves one of you cooking and one cleaning up, start cooking together! Follow recipes out of a cookbook, watch some online tutorials, or even take a cooking class together to help get you bonding over your new food creations. Do you usually eat dinner in front of the TV? Turn it off, and just enjoy the face time with your love and your family, talking about their days, their hopes and dreams...whatever comes up in the moment.
Resolve to Try New Things.
We're going to take it up a notch and play the fortune cookie game with this one...resolve to try new things in bed! Even couples with the healthiest sex lives possible can always benefit from trying new things in the bedroom to spice things up. Finding new ways to play may help in the first department, too, if you feel like you and your partner haven't been having enough sex lately...if there's something new in it for both of you, that's more motivation to get it on regularly.
Maybe you've been curious about bringing a little BDSM or bondage play into the bedroom. Do your research here, then gear up and let the fun begin. Kinky play doesn't have to be violent or painful to be really, really hot, so play it safe and don't be scared. Role play might be another fun way to shake things up at sexytime. Talk with your lover about your fantasies, then make up some ideas for scenes and get any necessary role play outfits, costumes, or props to make it happen! As much fun as it will be dressing up and playing along, it'll be even more fun to get your lover out of those clothes!
Another way to keep things fresh and new in the bedroom is by adding toys. Some people freak out if their partner suggests using toys in the bedroom, but there's no reason for that. It is not a reflection of them thinking you are inadequate or anything remotely like that...it's honestly just FUN! The things you can do sexually are wonderful, but you just simply can't do what certain kinds of toys can do, so relax and enjoy. A panty vibe might be a fun place to start, so you can control the fun with the remote or the app, or try a couple's cock ring toy or one that nestles between the two of you so you can both enjoy the fun and see what you've been missing out on!
Resolve to Make This Year Your Bitch!
2020 may have steamrolled any big plans you had for THIS year, so take advantage of the positive energy and possibility for change on the horizon for the new year and start executing those grand plans you've put on the back burner. Taking any major step in your life and with your partner is a big commitment, but as long as your relationship is strong and you are ready for it, this year can be the year to take that first step forward towards the rest of your happy lives together.
Make this year your bitch by deciding what BIG thing you're going to do to make it awesome...then do it! Buy a house together, or do some remodeling on the one you live in now. Move to somewhere entirely new, if that's something you've both been interested in doing. One or both of you work on finding a new job that's a better fit, especially if it provides a better work-life balance. Get engaged or start planning your wedding. Get a new pet. Decide to start the journey of having children together. All of these things can be stressful, but it's the good kind of stress that keeps you excited and moving from day to day.
One big, important caveat here? Only do any of these things IF YOU ARE BOTH READY! These major life changes can help move your relationship forward, but only if you're already on a positive footing with each other. DO NOT make major commitments like these without talking about the plan together first, or if you have any doubts about the stability of your relationship or the quality of your love. Don't try to fix a struggling relationship by having a kid or moving in together...that rarely ends well, and just makes it harder to get out of the situation in the long run. And if your relationship feels more like something that you want to run from at this point, maybe that's what you need to do this year to make it your bitch! It's always ok to choose your own happiness.