Spice It Up: Sexting & Dirty Talk

Spice It Up: Sexting & Dirty Talk
POSTED ON November 9, 2018

There's a lot more to talking dirty than one might think. Not only does it have a lot of different benefits for your sex life, but it's not just in the heat of the moment. Dirty talk can be before, during, and after sex. Of course at each given time it'll be different, but we'll cover that later. For now, let's dive into why you should be dirty talking!

7 Benefits of Dirty Talk

1. Improves sexual self confidence

What people often don't realize is the words you speak everyday program your brain and how you think. So the more you keep saying something like "you're going to love what I do to you tonight" the more you're essentially saying "hey, I'm really good at this thing and you're going to feel great" so you convince yourself you're skilled and thus improve your sexual self confidence.

2. Informs your partner of your preferences

"oh yes, right there" "more" "harder" "pull me closer" "put my hands above my head" are all hints letting your partner know what you like. At the root of it, dirty talk is a way to compliment or telling your partner what you like. Now this can go as extreme as "tell me I'm your slut" however, giving your partner consent to use certain language in the bedroom does not mean that language applies to you at all, especially outside of the bedroom. It simply enhances the moment.

3. Decreases their performance anxiety

This applies for guys and girls as both groups are likely to have insecurities about their bodies and/or their skills between the sheets no matter how erroneous they may be. Saying things like "you truly are so beautiful" "your butt is super cute" "I'm so turned on right now" or even the good ol' "you feel so good inside of me" and all of its variations work wonders. Verbal affirmations give them more confidence and make them feel better overall.

4. Enables more fantasy play in a relaxed way

If you've ever wanted to try out a fantasy but maybe your or your partner are a little hesitant about it, that's totally ok, just talk about it. Tell them about your fantasy. If you've ever been interested in BDSM you could say "it would be so hot if you tied me to bed" or roleplay "hey boss, is there anything I can do for you? Or maybe to you..." Dirty talk can be a great way to test the waters before diving straight in, but make sure that if you want to keep certain fantasies to just dirty talk that you let your partner know.

5. More Pleasure, More Fun

Due to all of the above reasons, sex with dirty talk has greater potential to be more pleasureable and more fun. With more confidence, relaxation, knowledge of your partners preferences, and less anxiety about everything, you're bound to have a better experience than last time. Not to mention dirty talk increases the intimacy between you and your partner, and who doesn't want to be more intimate?

6. Deeper Awareness of Your Experience

When you engage in talking dirty it forces you to be present to what you're experiencing because if you're thinking about what you have to get at the grocery store or what happened at work that day chances are you're probably not moaning or saying "That feels so good. Mhmm yes." So yes, dirty talk actually helps you attain a deeper awareness of your activity, which ultimately will enhance the experience and let you know what you like and don't like.

7. You're Focused on the Moment

So if the awareness of your experience is the micro-level, the heightened focus on the moment is the macro-level. Similarly to #6 when you're thinking about anything outside of the bedroom during sex, you're not focused on your partner, but when you're totally in the moment, that's when things can truly get wild, and the best part is talking dirty only makes it wilder. That's when you try new positions, and start experiment with different ways to touch and feel each other. This is where the fun really begins!

What to Say & When

Before Sex

Foreplay is important, and it can take on many different forms, one of the most recent being sexting. While there are essentially two different kinds of "sexts" either pictures or words, they can both be done in a vast array of different ways. Picture sexts can reveal any and all body parts plus any amount of skin depending on how much you want to tease them, or maybe you just send them a picture of your underwear on the tip of your finger and say "I'm waiting for you." Another good one, especially if they are farther away from you is "I'm touching myself to the thought of you." If you're looking for some other steamy sexts to really get them going try, "I need to feel you inside of me" or "You'll love the surprise I have for you tonight ;)" Some good lines for in person are "I can't wait to get you out of those clothes" or the simple "wow, you are so hot."

During Sex

When in doubt, tell them what you want and ask them what they want. "Oh yeah, mmmm, keep doing that" and "what should I do to you?" Letting them know what really turns you on is also a great way to get things heated up. If you're new to dirty talk you may feel awkward about it at first, and that's normal. So then try to work up to verbally talking dirty. Start with focusing on making your breathing heavier, then move on to moaning and short exclamations, then full blown dirty talk.

After Sex

"When you did that one thing with your hands, that was mind blowing!" Obviously you'll be more specific, but that's a great example of after sex dirty talk. You can also talk about what you'll do to them next time and you never know, next time might happen right then. Other compliments like "you know you're amazing right" or "I just can't get over how beautiful/handsome you are" are always safe bets. Just let them know how great they were from start to finish and they're sure to appreciate it 🙂

Next on the schedule is: "Time to Grow: Penis Pumps"

Yours Truly,

-The Intimacy Advisor