POSTED ON December 12, 2018
Who better to talk about the importance of intimacy than the Intimacy Advisor themself! From everything you need to know to what you need to set the mood, we're bringing you the best advice around.
Loosely defined, intimacy is a close relationship, space, or event, denoting either romance or a close platonic/familial connection. We'll be talking about intimacy in how it applies to romantic relationships, and you guessed it, its importance. Outside of the bedroom, or wherever it is your & your partner like, intimacy has a lot to do with how you go about your normal everyday life. The five love languages are a great place to start, but this idea is not mine, I just know about it and wanted to expand on in it a deeper more sensual sense. The idea behind them is that each person feels the most love mainly through one or two of these languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service. Let's dive into each of these:
Words of Affirmation
The truth is most people don't tell their significant other they love them enough, and when they do it's usually barely louder than a whisper with a quick peck on the cheek before they head off to work. Just saying "I love you" more often and more intentionally is a great way to build intimacy. Also, notice if your spouse or significant other did a chore or ran an errand you were going to do. For example, if you're really busy one day and forgot about making dinner then came home to a warm plate of food waiting for you, genuinely thank them regardless of whether you like the food or not. If they look nice, tell them that, especially if they're dressed up in some hot lingerie. Either before or after sex (actually both is best), when you see them naked tell them they're beautiful or ladies tell your guy he's handsome or a complete stud. We know you might not always be getting hot and heavy, but whatever time it is, it doesn't take much effort to give a real compliment.
Date night is important. Whether it's weekly or a few times a month, make sure it's consistent. There are other ways to get in your quality time though, as boring as it may sound going out to do errands together and making it fun is some good quality time. Play hide and seek with each other, or if the both of you are more competitive, see who can get all the items first. Not everything has to be a chore. A quiet cuddly movie night in or a nice dinner out on the town is a good choice, but maybe the two of you go to a cooking class or an art class, or a walk in the park in the summer and sledding or a snow ball fight in the winter. Truthfully, some of the best quality time is spent between the sheets. That's right, when was the last time you gave your partner mind blowing oral sex. That's a different kind of quality time, when you're getting down to work hearing their sweet sweet moans and screaming out your name. The inside job might be the main event, but don't forget that the rest of their body deserves some quality time too 😉
Some people have "touch hunger" the need for physical contact. Some have it more than others, it's just how they feel loved, and this could be just as small as holding hands more often, a pat on the back, your arm around them, or more hugs and kisses. Giving the right touches at the right time is one of the best ways to increase intimacy. The small of the back, shoulders, inner thighs, and other erogenous zones (especially sensitive areas where when stimulated can heighten sexual activity) like the nape of neck and the stomach/lower abdomen are all prime places to touch to satisfy your partner. A good way to touch all of those places is a massage. Seriously, who doesn't like a good massage? Dim the lights, light some candles, break out the good massage oil, what a recipe for intimacy.
If you keep spending time with your significant other, giving them loving touches, give them compliments, and they still don't seem that excited maybe you just need to give them a gift. Receiving gifts is some people's love language, and that doesn't mean they're selfish or self centered but in their mind it's because you spent time, energy, and money to think about a good gift and get it for them is what matters. The thought that goes into the gift is important, but not as important as the gift itself. You might think a lot about what gift to give them, but if you give them a bad gift, at the end of the day it's still a bad gift and it doesn't matter how much you thought about it. Guys, if you don't know what to get that special someone we got a couple resources you might want to look into like our article from Sweetest Day "Sweet Gifts for Your Sweetie" or our "Beginner's Guide to Lingerie." Ladies, if you want some other ideas check out our "Gift's for Father's Day" article. He might not be a father, but he'll probably like the same kind of presents.
Acts of Service
This is similar to receiving gifts except instead of something physical it's something you've done. Some people feel the most loved when their significant other does something for them. They could give all the gifts, compliments, touches, and quality time, and appreciate it less than a act of service. These acts don't have to be big, like we mentioned back in Words of Affirmation, it could be just a chore or errand you were going to do. They could also be doing their favorite sex position even though it might be harder or less pleasurable for you or spending a little more time on oral. Maybe they finally let you embrace that one role play fantasy and you can finally act it out with them or if they really love you it might even be time to dive right into some kinky BDSM. The possibilities are truly endless from dabbling in tantric sex to channeling your inner artist with some edible body paint.
Why does this all matter?
Because intimacy is important! The more intimate you are with your partner the more satisfying your sex life and overall relationship will be. Most everyone wants to be loved and to love so show it. While it's not the only factor, the couples that are more intimate with each other are generally happier than those couples who aren't. Then it stands to logic that happier couples live better lives, and no one wants to live an unhappy life. So just live a better life, it's not really that difficult. "What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" -George Elliot