If you and your lover are looking for a way to warm up your sex life during these cold winter months, or if you’re looking for a way to add an element of beauty and perceived danger to your next sexy BDSM scene, wax play may just fit the bill! Read on for more about how to engage more of your lover’s senses and send them to a cloud 9 of pleasure with wax play & sensory play.
What is wax play?
Wax play is a form of foreplay where one slowly drips hot wax onto their partner’s body. It is most popular in the BDSM community as a form of domination over the submissive partner, as it is a way of the dominant player being in control of the sensations their sub feels, and it can cause minor pain or burning sensations on the receiver…but for many, just the right level of pain is a major turn-on!
Even if you don’t consider yourself a member of the kinky community at all, wax play may be a good gateway into other types of BDSM play, as it is somewhat dark and erotic yet extremely sensual, and feels a little on the dangerous side, even though it is very safe if you do it correctly.
First things first:
Safety is absolutely key when considering wax play. Do not – I repeat – DO NOT use just any old candle you have sitting around the house for wax play. Leave those scented candles on the bookshelf and burn them for their fragrance and the ambiance of their light ONLY. If you’re going to engage in wax play, you need candles made for wax play. Wax play candles melt at a much lower temperature than traditional candles, making them safe for skin contact. With conventional candles, there’s a very real risk of second degree burns and scarring, and there’s nothing sexy about that!
Some candles carried at Lover’s Lane stores and SexDrive.com that are safe for wax play include the mega-cute Temptasia Fox Drip Candle, the romantic rose-scented Ouch Wax Play Candle, and the practical bright red Fire Sticks Fetish Drip Candles. You can also get artistic by making multicolored pictures or patterns with the multiple passion tones included in the Make Me Melt Drip Candles set. Other than their lower burn temperature, it is important to use these kinds of candles because they are made of body-safe wax, and will peel off the skin once cooled, making for easier clean-up.
While we’re talking about cleanup, prepare before a wax play session by laying down a sheet or blanket you don’t care about to catch any oversplash or wax drips that miss the body. Also, be considerate about body hair…cleaning cooled wax out of very hairy areas may not be the most fun thing ever. Consider only playing on less hairy parts of the body, like the back, tummy, and thighs, or discuss if you want to shave a certain part first to make wax play more comfortable there.
Nice & Slow:
Alright, you’re stocked up on body safe wax play candles, you’ve prepared your playspace with a drop cloth, and you’ve both decided you want to do this! Communication is key before and during the wax play session. Before you begin, you should both test out the sensation of the wax on your skin. Let enough wax melt down, then slowly and carefully drip it on a few areas of skin with varying sensitivity, like the palm of your hand and the top of your thigh. It should feel warm and give you an exciting burning sensation, but not feel TOO hot. If it feels just right to both of you, talk about your limits, a safe word, and your desires for the session, and you can begin!
Heat it Up:
Here are some quick considerations and pointers to help you have the most fun and safe wax play session you can dream of right out of the gate, even if it’s your first time.
- Drip, rather than pour, the wax onto your partner’s skin.
- Hold the candle a little less than a foot from your partner’s body when you drip; this gives the wax a second to cool before it hits their skin.
- Beware of splashing and stay away from sensitive areas, body hair, and piercings.
- Stop using the candle when it burns too short.
- Do not engage in wax play when either partner is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. You’re literally playing with fire here…be safe about it.
- Absolutely NO wax play around the face or genitals.
- The sensation is most intense when the wax first hits the skin, so work over a small area of the body at a time so it feels new and exciting with each new location.
- The upper back or shoulders are good places to start.
- Then move on to more sensual erogenous zones like the inner thighs, lower back, stomach, and the most erotic…the breasts.
- Maintain constant communication about what feels good or doesn’t, and if the temperature is still appropriate.
- Feel free to layer the wax.
- Make sure the first layer has cooled before dripping a second layer onto the same area.
- Focus on your partner, not JUST the wax.
- Enjoy the visual you are creating as you “paint” your masterpiece in wax on your lover’s skin.
- Touch and caress their body while you carefully wait for more wax to melt.
- Take breaks now and then to blow across their skin to cool the freshly dripped wax for another exciting sensation.
- Up the kinky factor.
- A blindfold helps prevent the submissive from seeing where the wax is coming next.
- Limit your partner’s movement with restraints so you can watch them squirm with delight.
- Have fun & be safe!
I Want a New Feeling:
I’m a big proponent of “don’t knock it ’til you try it” for most areas of life (and sex), but if the idea of wax play isn’t quite for you, there are plenty of other ways to involve exciting new sensations in all of your bedroom encounters. Generally referred to as “sensation play”, here are a few tricks to try:
- Buy a blindfold: There is some truth to the concept that eliminating the ability to use one sense can heighten the other senses. The simplest way to do this is with a blindfold! Worn by the partner on the receiving end of the sensation play, simply having your vision blocked will turn the experience up to 11! For a twist, you can both don blindfolds and just experience kissing or other intimate encounters in a whole new way.
- Get tricky with textures: Any new textures against your skin will make sex feel exciting. Fuzzy handcuffs (or cold hard steel ones), a silk scarf, satin sheets, or a fluffy feather boa or tickle feather can all be used to introduce new sensations in your sexual play.
- Hot & cold: Hot wax is one form of temperature play, but you can also use ice cubes for surprising chilly sensations, or candle-warmed massage oil for a sensual massage that will send shivers down your spine. Since glass is a great conductor of hot and cold, try a glass dildo or butt plug warmed or cooled in water to apply intense temperature differences internally.
- Good vibes only: The buzz created by vibrators is a form of sensation play…it’s a unique feeling that just can’t be recreated by the human body! You may have used vibes solo, but incorporating one in your partnered sex can make it a whole new experience.
- Pinchy, pinchy!: Also not for everyone, but definitely a way of creating a powerful & unusual sensation, are nipple clamps. Try feather ones or furry ones that you can tickle and tease your partner with, too, while you experience the pressure they apply to your most sensitive areas!