We’re all used to seeing advice columns phrased as “to do” lists, but sometimes it’s just as important to hear some sex advice in the form of a “DON’T list”. We all need that good sex advice that comes from a cautionary tale…and we can prevent you from having to learn the hard way! Check out our top five tips of what NOT to do in the bedroom if you want to keep the sparks flying:
1. DON’T take yourself too seriously.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that sex is supposed to be enjoyable! If we get too caught up in our headspace, we lose focus on the fun. When we let the stresses of daily life distract us from the action, we wind up just going through the motions and sex feels like another necessary daily task. That’s boring!
Our advice? Make sure to laugh with your partner in bed! Our bodies can do odd, gross, or even embarrassing things during sex, and if we think about it too hard, it can ruin the moment. We promise, all your lover is really thinking about your body is how badly they want it. If something weird happens, laugh about it! Even better, BE weird with your partner on purpose. Nibble random body parts, lick them in strange places, look them straight in the eyes and crack an inside joke then giggle hysterically. Goofy acts like this help lighten your moods and keep sex from feeling too serious.
Another way to keep sex fun & exciting is to incorporate bedroom games. It’s hard to think about that stressful issue from work while you’re rolling Dirty Dice to tell you what to do to your lover next, or indulging your ultimate sex dreams with Fantasy Affair. Sexy games can help take the pressure off so you two can just focus on playing…and laying…each other. The next time you feel your sex getting stale, remember this important snippet of sex advice. Drop the seriousness and just have fun!!
2. DON’T forget about oral sex.
Oral sex is often a staple of relationships early on, but sometimes over time, couples just kind of forget about it. If that has already happened in your relationship, STOP IT! Bring back those amazingly pleasing oral favors and watch it reignite your sex life.
Oral sex can be part of foreplay before traditional sex, or a standalone act. Blow jobs, cunnilingus, facesitting, “going down”…whatever you call it and whatever you’re into, it’s worth keeping as a major part of your sex life. Some people admittedly enjoy receiving oral favors more than they enjoy performing them, but to keep things fair, giving and receiving is really the only way to go. If giving oral isn’t your favorite thing, there are plenty of products that may help make it more palatable to you, such as flavored lubes or numbing sprays to calm your gag reflex.
If it has been awhile and you’re not sure exactly what to do, start with what comes naturally and see what happens. Communicate with your lover about exactly what they like and how they like it. You’ll blow each other’s minds every time. Plus, practice makes perfect, and will be lots of fun along the way!
The truth is, both parties benefit from the mutual satisfaction that can be gained through copious amounts of incredible oral sex. Whether you prefer to 69 for dual pleasure or dedicate an entire session to one round (just make sure to reciprocate next time!), we can’t emphasize enough how much intimacy there is to be gained through sharing amazing oral sex together, no matter what stage your relationship is in!
3. DON’T underestimate the importance of lube.
Sometimes…most of the time, actually, lube is an absolute necessity for penetrative sex. Our bodies usually just can’t make enough to keep up with the huge amounts of friction you two will be whipping up, and that’s ok! Science takes over where mother nature leaves off! Lube is also a must-have for anal sex and anal toy play, and can make self-love with vaginal toys much more enjoyable, too.
With so many types of lubricant available, including both water-based and silicone-based varieties (read more about them here), every couple is sure to find one that works for them. Both parties will feel the benefits, too…lube is not just for the benefit of women. Tackle the easiest piece of sex advice we could ever give, and simply add a bottle of lube (or three) to your bedside table! There’s no excuse not to!
4. DON’T skip foreplay.
Foreplay is a key factor in determining whether your bedroom time is going to be OMG or just OK. Taking time with your partner for non-sexual intimate activities like kissing, cuddling, and stroking their favorite erogenous zones can easily build into amazing hand jobs, blow jobs, or whatever else you may desire. Foreplay sets the mood for your sexytime, gets the body’s natural lubrication flowing, and will make the final outcome that much more pleasurable. Unless you truly only have time for a quickie (which there’s definitely nothing wrong with sometimes!), foreplay is must!
Why rush through to sex when there’s so much fun to be had beforehand? Your orgasms will be much more powerful and fulfilling if you slowly build up to it instead of jumping right into the main course. Products to enhance your foreplay come in all forms. A massage oil candle will provide mood lighting and an opportunity for some erotic massage. A finger vibe or powerful bullet will take things to the next level. Don’t forget to follow this oh-so-important sex advice: savor each other before, during, and after sex and spend more time on foreplay!
5. DON’T feel insecure.
Some people may think of body image issues as a mostly female problem, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Pretty much ALL humans (even the really, really pretty ones) experience occasional doubts, hang-ups, or feelings of insecurity about their bodies, their level of attractiveness, and their ability to perform in the sack.
The problem lies not in our bodies, but in our minds. If we are insecure during sex, it shows, and it can actually make the whole thing less enjoyable for both. Believe me, your partner finds you sexy, so make sure YOU find you sexy, too! There are things you can do to help if you need a boost. Wear a confidence-boosting bustier or a slinky chemise and your lover will be SO impressed that you dressed up for him! Guys can show off, too, in sexy men’s wear that will emphasize every inch of his package. Even a pheromone perfume can help up your flirtatious mood and set the stage for confident romancing. Drop the insecurities and radiate sexual confidence; the amazing sex will just follow naturally!
It can’t be stated enough: true sexiness comes from confidence, and confidence is all about your mindset. When you genuinely love and appreciate your own body (including the kind of appreciation you can only gain from regular masturbation), feeling sexy starts to come naturally. Believe me, your partner is not focused on whatever minor blemish or imperfection that has you worried; your partner is focused on how good it feels to be with you. Embrace your unique body and learn to love in the moment; that’s some of the best sex advice I can easily get behind!