“Hey, Stranger”: The Benefits of Erotic Role Play

by Christopher J.

February 16, 2024


The couple that plays together stays together. A fairly simple concept on the surface, but one that can often get lost in the day-to-day grind of work and family obligations.

So, whether you’re living and loving in the high-energy lust of a new relationship or looking to inject some excitement back into a long-term relationship tinged by complacency, one of the most powerful and fun ways to maximize your sex life is through incorporating elements of fantasy and erotic role play into your relationship.

“Fantasy and role play can be a healthy and enjoyable way for couples to explore their desires and boundaries in a consensual and safe manner, adding excitement and novelty to their relationship,” advises an article entitled “The Benefits of Adding Fantasy and Role Play to Your Relationship” on the Joyful Couples website. “These activities can also improve communication and intimacy, allowing personal and emotional growth.”

If you’re new to role play, the absolute first thing you need to do is have an open, detailed discussion with your partner. Be honest. Share those deepest fantasies.

“Talk about what types of role-play you are interested in and find something that excites you both,” recommends Isabelle Uren, certified sex expert in an article about trying role play for HuffingtonPost/UK. “I would start by telling them you are happy they are willing to try this with you and reassuring them you can take things slowly. The more confident partner might also offer to take the lead.”

Make sure the discussion includes both partner’s boundaries, and that both parties are in complete agreement of what the role-playing adventure will include. You should also establish a safe word just to sure each person is in complete control of the situation, especially if it’s something you’ve never tried before.

One caveat: “It’s also important to remember that BDSM and power dynamic activities are not for everyone, and that’s okay,” the Joyful Couples article counsels. “So, it’s important to respect your partner’s boundaries and limits and to engage in these activities only if both partners are comfortable and fully consenting.”

The flip side of that is that role playing can serve as an extremely liberating experience for both partners individually and as a couple.

“When role playing, both partners are aware that the endeavor is a bit of an ‘act’ so you can feel free to let loose, and be someone who isn’t necessarily anything like yourself,” according to a healthy living article “10 Surprising (and Real) Benefits to Exploring Role Playing in the Bedroom” on findtopdocs.com.

“Emmalee Brierly is also a marriage and family therapist specializing in sex therapy,” the article continues. And she “explains why this can be so powerful, saying it is an ‘opportunity to have an unequal distribution of power in a safe and controlled environment. It allows us to release our inhibitions and to be engulfed in pleasure and a loss, or gain, of control.’”

Uren also suggests considering these items in your initial conversations about role play:

  • Is there anything you usually fantasize about or watch/listen to in porn that you would like to try?
  • Do you have any kinks you would like to incorporate into your role-play?
  • Are there any power dynamics roles you would like to explore, such as taking on a more dominant or submissive role?
  • Are there any costumes or looks you find particularly sexy?

In addition to how much excitement and fun doing role play can generate for couples, Uren says there are some other excellent benefits you can enjoy from playing with each other, literally:

  • Role-play adds a sense of novelty to your relationship, which can translate into sexual excitement and helps to keep your things feeling fresh.
  • It’s also a great way to explore different kinks and fantasies with a partner and find new ways to experience physical and psychological pleasure.
  • Exploring different dynamics with your partner can help you understand each other on a deeper level.
  • It can help you be more playful and creative in your sex life and open your eyes to new ways to enjoy sex.
  • Trying something new that requires a level of vulnerability can also increase trust and intimacy.

Once you and your partner have agreed on the details, start with a little foreplay and ease your way into the scene. Remember, you don’t need to be Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling or have studied acting in college. Just be yourselves. Have fun pretending.

“When you’re inhabiting a character, you’ll feel emboldened to get out of your usual pattern — and that’s a good thing,” observes Taylor Andrews in popsugar.com. “But don’t stress too much about the acting itself. Remember, even if you don’t get a line or accent right, this is your romantic partner. While role-playing is all about setting the scene, it’s OK to laugh and not take it too seriously.”

Taylor includes a great selection of role-play ideas in her article.

“When it comes to deciding what you want to be or how you want to role-play, you can use movies, TV shows, and books for inspiration,” she says. “If that isn’t quite working, you can also defer to some classic Halloween costumes and go from there.”

Here are a dozen sexy characters and scenarios she offers to start:

· Chef and waiter

· Plumber (or other maintenance worker) and homeowner

· Taxi driver and passenger

· Pizza delivery person and customer

· Personal trainer and client

· Porn stars

· Strangers

· Boss and employee

· Massage therapist and client

· Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (from the film 50 Shades of Grey)

· Barbie and Ken

· Nurse and patient

· Barista and customer

“If you can engage in role play confidently, you’re not proving yourself to be some sexual pariah; you’re actually proving you have complete faith in both your partnership and your lover,” concludes Gigi Engle of Elite Daily. “If you can feel comfortable opening yourself up to that kind of vulnerability, you’re reaffirming your connection to each other.”

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