Ask the Intimacy Advisor: You Can Do Better

by Kristin T.

November 1, 2021


Nobody likes to think about their intimate or romantic relationships ending…but it does happen…A LOT…and it can be for the best. Sometimes partners or love interests reveal habits or behaviors that are problematic, and when that happens, you NEED to just nip it in the bud before it gets bad. Or, maybe you’re the person in the relationship that needs to do better.  It’s ok…your partners may not be the best at communicating their concerns, and no one is a mind reader. Read on for some answers to questions around this theme, sent in by readers like you, because when you know better, you do better!

Question: How can I become more confident in myself and take control in sex so he can stop talking to other women? ~ Jessica

Let’s start out by saying that jealousy & frustration are perfectly normal and common emotions to feel if your significant other seems to be taking a little too much of an interest in others.  That being said, if he has so much of a wandering eye that you have noticed and feel the need to take action on yourself, that’s much more of a ‘him’ problem than a ‘you’ problem. You may work hard and boost your sexual self-confidence & command in the bedroom to the max, and it still may not be enough for him. Plus, if he does all this extracurricular flirting when you are with him (at least, I’m assuming he does), I imagine you must worry about what happens when you’re not around. You’ve got a cauldron of green jealousy potion about to boil over, and he’s the one stirring it.

Sexual confidence and being assertive in the bedroom is important, so I will address it briefly here, but I will preface it by saying you shouldn’t need to do any of these things just to get your man to stop shamelessly hitting on others.

Communication is important here, too…don’t just sulk about his behavior in silence. If you’ve spoken to him about how frequently he seems to talk and flirt with other women, and you’ve told him how it makes you feel, and he still does it? Then it may be time to let him loose to go do that exploring he seems so eager to do. That way you can focus on making any improvements you want to make in yourself for you, and not just to keep his attention. You can do better.

Question: After making it known to my lover that I need more attention from him, because I always have a need to just be touched, and I still get nothing from him, what do I do?? It’s humiliating that I have to find a way to turn myself off so quickly because he doesn’t touch me once the sex is over. What do I do? ~ Brandy

Sexual compatibility is a big, important part of any intimate relationship…and unfortunately, an often overlooked one.

Question: Is it normal for girls to fantasize sexually about their mom’s boyfriend or their stepfather? Is it okay to be curious or even try to be a tease towards them, like showing cleavage/tight shirt with no bra to see if he’s looking and enjoying my breasts? Should I just give it a try and see what happens? I’ve heard studies that have had positive outcomes for both parties. ~ Camryn

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