This time of year is always the perfect reminder to think about what we have to be thankful for. Unfortunately, in the hustle & bustle of daily life – even outside of the busy holiday season – we sometimes wind up taking those we love the most for granted. So, how can we break the cycle and regularly remind our partner that we really are thankful for them?
Numerous studies have shown that establishing a daily gratitude practice can be beneficial to our personal well-being. In fact, if you’ve been to any kind of therapy, you may be familiar with this concept; many therapists recommend naming a few things you’re grateful for at the end of each day as a way of shifting your mood and outlook for the better. Any time we take a moment to take some deep breaths & reflect on what we are grateful for – no matter how small – helps lower our blood pressure and improve our mood. And since our romantic partner is usually a huge part of our life, as well as a starring member of the “people we are grateful for” list, it helps to cultivate this attitude of gratitude together.
Use the Thanksgiving holiday as a reminder to start a gratitude practice with your partner. Here are five simple things you can try to show how thankful you are for your partner every day. Agree to try a few together on a regular basis, and watch your relationship grow and flourish.
1. Sprinkle more sweet, small gestures throughout your day.
Letting your partner know you’re glad they are in your life doesn’t have to be a big, time-consuming thing. Even the tiniest gestures and phrases, used frequently, can remind your lover of your gratitude for them. Make a habit of always kissing goodnight, saying goodbye when you leave for work in the morning – add a hug and quick peck for bonus sweetness, or occasionally picking up their favorite candy bar when you stop at the gas station.
“Actions speak louder than words” couldn’t be truer when it comes to showing gratitude. If you feel like you already tell your partner you love them, find little ways to act throughout each day to help show them. Getting your partner’s coffee started for them in the morning, leaving an umbrella by the door for them if you leave for work first and discover it’s raining, or texting them a sweet picture and memory on your lunch break are all amazing ways to show your lover how thankful you truly are for them each day.
2. Start a shared gratitude journal.
Put a journal and some pens in a convenient and centrally located part of the house. Every few days, make it a point to write down some kind words for your partner. You don’t have to write fancy sonnets…unless you want to. Just jot some little messages letting them know why you’re grateful for them. The notes don’t have to be about big events or big feelings, either. Just quick thankful thoughts about everyday occurrences. Here are a few examples:
- “Thank you for buying peanut butter yesterday even though you don’t eat it…I was happy to have it for my lunch today!”
- “It meant a lot to me that you came with me to my nephew’s band concert.”
- “When I daydream at work, I think about some of our earliest memories together and how grateful I am to have you in my life.”
- “I appreciate you cleaning up the cat puke in the dining room when I didn’t have time to this morning.” (you know…the romantic stuff :P)
- “You are seriously the best, babe!”
- “OMG, I feel sooooooo much better after you let me sleep in on Sunday! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
These are the simple efforts that often feel like they go unnoticed. It is nice to see, in writing, that you and your partner appreciate each other, even for all the little things, every few days. Plus, if you are ever fighting or having stressful time in your relationship, you can both look back at the journal for reminders of why you love each other and are happy to have each other in your life.
3. Touch more.
Did you know that hugs lasting about 20 seconds have been shown to noticeably reduce cortisol (the stress hormone) in the bloodstream AND increases oxytocin (the love hormone) to enhance bonding? Make sure you engage in meaningful hugs frequently. Turn them into a mini gratitude practice by thanking them for something or giving an appreciative compliment while you hug. You and your partner can literally de-stress each other & strengthen your love, just by embracing for a few seconds, every day. Now that’s something to be grateful for!
There are ways other than hugging to show your gratitude for their hard work and emotional labor through touch, too. Offer a simple foot massage while you’re relaxing on the couch together. Run your fingers gently through their hair when they’re leaning against you, reminiscing. Have a little more time on your hands? Light a massage oil candle and give your lover an intimate massage in the dark, making sure to carress all their erogenous zones. This will often lead to the ultimate way to show gratitude…but there’s no obligation!
4. Lend a (surprise) hand.
Are there certain chores each of you tend to do each week? Maybe you have an organized system of who does what around the house, or maybe you both just have certain things you kind of adopted over time, and now you always do yours and they do theirs. Show tangible gratitude for everything your partner does for you and around the house by taking over some of their tasks. Instead of telling them you already did it, let them discover it when they go to do it. Then you can let them know that it has already been handled, along with a hug and a kiss.
Taking care of a household chore for your lover, even just once in a while, is a great way to show that you appreciate them. Plus, this act hopefully frees up a little time and energy when you can both be together. You can use that to just relax and talk, or find other ways to connect, instead of them disappearing to do laundry or take out the trash as soon as they get home for the evening.
5. Give specific compliments.
Compliments also offer positive feedback when you’re very happy with something your partner did for you, which encourages more of that behavior in the future (yeah, sorry folks, we’re kind of all classically conditioning each other…it’s just what humans in relationships do). Consider these few examples to see how big a difference it can make to be specific:
“You look nice tonight.” vs. “The way you did your hair tonight makes you truly look like the beautiful angel I think you are!”
“I had fun last night” vs. “I really enjoyed our date to play mini golf last night. It was great to enjoy time outdoors with you, just talking and laughing…can we do it again soon?”
“You’re such a good mom.” vs. “You’re the absolute best mom for taking the kids to the science museum on Saturday…they haven’t stopped talking about it since!”
“Thanks for helping me when I ran out of gas the other night” vs. “I really appreciate how thoughtful and helpful you are when I need it most…I don’t know what I’d do without you! And yes, I promise, I’ll make sure to stop for gas on my way out tomorrow!”
