Whether you already share a D/s dynamic and want to introduce a new power play, or you’re as vanilla as they come and looking to spice things up, forced orgasm and/or orgasm denial play might be just the thing for you. Commanding total control of when (and how) your partner cums (or doesn’t) can be a super hot addition to your bedroom repertoire. Read on to learn the differences, the how-to, and some pro tips for this pleasurable form of torture. If you’ve never heard of these fun O activities before, you’ll be glad you read this post!
Forced Orgasm: What is it?
Forced Orgasm refers to orgasms that are given, with consent, to a willing participant, often as part of a kinky BDSM scene. Psychologist and sex therapist Megan Fleming, PhD, resident sexpert with LoveHoney.com defines it thusly: “Forced orgasms are the name for the climatic releases experienced by someone who has consensually relinquished control during sexual play.” The key word here is consensually: any sex act forced upon someone without consent is sexual assault, and that’s not what we’re talking about here.
Typically, the partner consenting to and receiving the orgasm is submissive to a dominant partner…at least for this scene/activity. That dominant partner, through whatever means of stimulation they choose, “force” (again, consensually) their partner to orgasm, often multiple times in close succession. While “forced orgasm” may sound counterintuitive or like a bit of an oxymoron (you want to make absolutely certain I have an orgasm for you? Twist my arm!), it actually involves a lot of relinquishing of power and control on the submissive’s behalf.
Forced orgasm scenes are a good example of a Dominant/submissive power dynamic at play, and the exchange of this power often feels just as pleasurable for the orgasm giver as the orgasm receiver. It can be great for supporting role-play scenarios, fulfilling fantasies, or satiating desires.
Okay, so how do we do it?
The dominant partner in a forced orgasm scenario may choose any agreed-upon, favorite method to get their partner to orgasm. Fingering or hand jobs, oral sex, penetration, and clitoral, and g-spot or p-spot stimulation are all popular options. So is using vibrators or other toys to create even more intense sensations (more on that below). The submissive partner is often bound or restrained to prevent them from “escaping” the stimulation, but safe words should always be established and honored if invoked.
For vulva owners, a scene involving forced orgasm often means orgasming over and over again, without the dominant partner allowing time for a “come-down” in between. Penis owners typically have a longer refractory period between orgasms, but that just means you need to adjust a bit; either go for just one mind-blowing forced orgasm, or take things slower if you want to try for multiple O’s. It may be fun to experiment with edging and orgasm control alongside forced orgasms, saying things like “you have to cum exactly when I do…okay, NOW!” and striving to reach that goal, or “you can only cum when I say so”.
Cosmopolitan lists the 4 basic steps to having forced orgasm in their article “4 Steps to Having a Forced Orgasm (Which is a lot hotter than it sounds)” for Yahoo Life:
- Talk Consent and safe words before anything else. While being stimulated intensely until you cum and cum again sure is fun, it can also be, well, a lot. Not every moment of it will be pleasurable, but hopefully if you push through, the payoff is worth it. That being said, the person being forced to orgasm may naturally say things like “no” or “stop” when they don’t really want you to, so you must have a safe word that wouldn’t normally be uttered during sex or any kinky scene, like “butter” or “giraffe”. If anyone says the safe word, play must stop immediately so things can be discussed and adjusted as necessary.
- Potentially plan out scenarios ahead of time. Forced orgasm can be great to enhance role play scenes or fulfil erotic fantasies. Are you just you & your partner, or are you a just-rescued damsel in distress or a captured spy being tortured with orgasms until you spill your secrets? Talk about some ideas together before you begin so it’s something both the orgasm giver and receiver will enjoy.
- Incorporate bondage. Writhing and squirming to try and get away from the source of stimulation can be part of the fun of forced orgasm. Bondage restraints such as a spreader bar and cuffs or under-the-bed restraints can make your sweet submissive even more helpless to avoid orgasming as they succumb to your touch.
- Consider vibrators. The use of toys is very popular and common, especially powerful wand vibrators which have the power to get the job done easily by just holding it on the right spot. Toys can also be incorporated for penis owners, including vibrating cock rings, penis vibes, or butt plugs, and can make every touch even more stimulating.
While forced orgasm play is typically enjoyed by those who are regular participants in a BDSM lifestyle, forced orgasms can be enjoyed by anyone who is willing to get a little kinky or thinks it would spice up their sex life. If you think it sounds like fun, talk about it, agree upon your boundaries, then try it!
Orgasm Denial: What is it?
Some of you are likely thinking, “whoa, why would I want to DENY orgasms? Isn’t that like, the main point of sex?” While climaxing is often the best part any sexual encounter or self-stimulation activity, sometimes denying or delaying that climax – your own or your partner’s – can actually make things way hotter. Orgasm denial is where you reach high level of sexual arousal, and are (again, consensually) forced to maintain that level without allowing orgasm to follow. Men’s Health has a great article to walk you through the process, including the important discussions and consent talks that need to happen beforehand.
While it can sound counterproductive to not want to reach orgasm once you’ve reached a high level of arousal, working to forcibly deny it can actually have amazing results. Playing with orgasm denial can enhance sexual chemistry and pleasure communication, increase erotic tension in a scene, and even make you have better & more powerful orgasms when you are finally allowed to cum.
Orgasm denial falls under the umbrella of orgasm control, and it is possible to try it (or practice) by yourself through practices such as edging, and play games with it with your partner. It’s also typically considered a BDSM activity, and some may even use bondage restraints to prevent their partner from touching themselves to bring on climax. While you can make it very kinky based on the method you use, you don’t have to be an experienced kinkster or in a full-time D/s dynamic to try it. Orgasm denial can be enjoyed by anyone of any gender and any orientation, top or bottom, partnered or solo.
OK, I’ll bite! How do we try it?
There are many different ways to approach orgasm denial with your partner, and Bustle covers several in their article, Six Ways to Try Orgasm Denial with your partner, According to Experts. One of the easiest ways to get started may be by getting your partner aroused, then consistently touching them on all those erogenous zones that you know feel amazing to them, but won’t quite get them to climax. Build and maintain that arousal level, then tease their parts that you KNOW will get them to cum, backing off or slowing down each time they are close, until you want to finally give them that sweet release. The wait feels agonizing for the partner on the receiving end, but that’s part of the fun! You can also use it as a power play in your D/s dynamic by commanding your partner to not masturbate or orgasm until you tell them they can, or until you use a specific toy on them or say a certain trigger word during sex or stimulation – all the while sexting them or whispering dirty talk to them to keep them aroused until the big moment. Those who find orgasm denial enjoyable may choose to incorporate it into their BDSM scenes & role play more regularly, try chastity play, or use it as a part of tantric sex practices.
