Oh Yeah, Right There: Improving Your Pleasure Communication

by Christopher J.

October 28, 2023


Communications during sex are more often comprised of heavy breathing and primal sounds than intelligible, articulate verbal expressions. However, there are times when you need to use your words. The ability to discuss sex between partners before, during, or after sex can lead you to enjoy significantly strengthened sensuality, enhanced sexuality, and earth-shattering orgasms.

“In any type of relationship, whether you’re with a partner, spouse, or significant other, effective communication about sex is the key to unlocking a world of shared desires, fantasies, and heightened satisfaction,” counsels Armin Ariana, M.D., an accredited clinical sexologist (Psychosexual Therapist) in Queensland, Australia with 20+ years of experience.

The Aussie sex advisor says his passion for sexual health and sexology began early in his career as a general practitioner when he witnessed how sexual problems can greatly impact the quality of life of an individual or a couple. In his article “How to Improve Sexual Communication for More Intimacy and Pleasure” on his arianasexology.com website, the professional sex therapist furnishes couples with a comprehensive guide loaded with practical steps and insights to improve their sexual communication skills.

“By learning how to express your needs, openly discuss your desires, and listen attentively to your partner, you can transform your sexual experiences into fulfilling and enriching encounters,” he declares.

According to Ariana, improving your sexual communication skills will provide important and substantial rewards. “The benefits are immense!” he enthuses. “Improved sexual communication leads to a deeper sense of connection, increased trust, and the ability to express your authentic self within the realm of intimacy fully. It helps you navigate potential conflicts, discover shared fantasies, and fulfill each other’s needs with greater satisfaction.”

For Ariana, effective communication plays a crucial role in sexual relationships by serving as the foundation of a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship. “It goes beyond the physical aspects and delves into the emotional and psychological realms of intimacy,” he explains. “By understanding the role that communication plays, you can unlock new levels of connection, pleasure, and fulfillment with your partner.”

Other sex experts concur regarding the advantages and benefits for your sex life of productive communication with your partner. Although Coach Kyle is better known for helping gamers become successful industry professionals through personalized coaching, he offers seven excellent tips for ways people can improve their sexual activities, including through clear communication, in his YouTube video “Enhancing Pleasure: Exploring Erogenous Zones for Mind-Blowing O’s.”

Now, guys, you may not want to hear a couple of these, or you may just unaware, but it’s important to start with the following:

  • Explore other erogenous zones during sex besides the penis. Yes, they do exist, so remember, it’s not always about you and your penis. There’s a whole world of erogenous zones beyond that you and your partner will thoroughly enjoy exploring together.
  • Coach Kyle also recommends that men should be present, communicate, and provide guidance during sex. Taking the time to communicate with your lover will be beneficial for them as well as you.
  • To enhance sexual pleasure, maintain a consistent rhythm with whatever stimulating activity you’re doing, and incorporate other body parts like hands and mouth.
  • Communicating your pleasure during sex can enhance your partner’s excitement and enjoyment.
  • Verbal communication during sex can enhance pleasure and satisfaction for both partners.
  • Communicate with your partner during sex to increase the likelihood of orgasm.
  • One more absolutely critical suggestion just for you, men: Communication (which includes listening and responding to feedback with your actions) is key to giving a woman a mind-blowing orgasm.

Research from the Baylor College of Medicine about the essential nature of sexual communication with a partner advises lovers to do the following three simple things:

  1. Be clear.
  2. Be positive.
  3. Listen and ask questions.

As we all know, communication between humans is not always easy or this easily simplified, especially when we’re talking about sex and/or love. So, the Baylor site provides clarification and suggestions for each of the three steps.

For example, regarding how to be clear, the article advises that, though obviously important, communications between partners can also be difficult and at times uncomfortable: “Communication is an ongoing process that includes learning about and understanding the other’s boundaries, needs, preferences, and desires. Communicating clearly before sex can allow for easier conversations later in the sexual relationship.”

At the start of any sexual communication and then throughout any sexual activity, the article reminds, is the need for consent. If one partner is not on track with the other about the sex acts they are engaging in or the overall feel of that particular randy romp in the boudoir, they will not enjoy the sex session, which will also reduce the pleasure for the other partner.

Following correct and clear consent is the need for positivity in discussions about sex and certainly during the sex acts themselves.

“The golden rule not only applies in greater society, but also the bedroom,” the Baylor article states. “In other words, ‘the golden rule applies in the sheets as much as on the streets.’ These sayings stress the importance of patience, kindness, support, compassion and helpfulness when learning about sexuality between partners. A vital part of sexual communication is to remember to be positive and patient and avoid focusing too much on criticism or frustration.”

In her March 6, 2023 article for Psychology Today, “5 Communication Tweaks That Increase Intimacy,” Valentina Stoycheva Ph.D. offers some key tips for partners to improve their relationship by making small changes in their daily interactions to refine personal communications. For instance, apologizing the right way and saying thank you can do wonders and represent “the little things” partners can do to show their appreciation for each other.

But an even more impactful communication tool can be implemented between lovers with or without words: touch. Recent research, Stoycheva says, demonstrates that receiving affectionate touch promotes both psychological and physical well-being. Most important, couples who pay attention to affectionate physical touching will increase intimacy in their day-to-day lives. 

So, if you’re wise, you will find ways to touch – preferably while you are communicating about sex – whenever possible, and however you’ve learned your partner enjoys, throughout your day.

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