Writing (and Enjoying) Erotic Novels Together

by Christopher J.

November 17, 2023


We’re smack dab in the middle of NaNoWriMo. Those in the know are aware that this stands for National Novel Writing Month. Those participating may be stressing out about their word count right about now! Well, if you have a little case of writer’s block and are okay with your novel taking an erotic turn, try heading to the bedroom instead of back to the computer. Read on to learn how co-authoring a steamy story with your sweetie can enrich your sex life…and some tips on how to start!

One of the extremely rare benefits of the global pandemic was the discovery by many couples that writing an erotic novel together while restricted to isolated quarters could be an unexpectedly fun and stimulating activity. In addition to drawing couples closer together while helping them forget all about the woes caused by COVID-19 – at least for a little while – they found they were likely to end up even closer emotionally and physically after a nice and hot writing session. It’s a natural and easy step to adjourn to the boudoir to read the day’s passages together, too.

According to Gabi Levi in her article “Intimacy Exercise: Writing Erotica With Your Partner” for mmure.com, writing erotica together serves as an effective way to enhance your communication skills as a couple.

“Writing any story together would require you to exercise your communication skills, but this is especially true when the story or stories are meant to excite you and your partner sexually,” she says. You’ll need to open up in new ways, ask thoughtful questions, and create a narrative based upon what you are discovering about each other. These skills will survive past the point of the exercise and help you relate to one another….” 

In doing your thorough and deep research required before writing your naughty novel, Levi advises, make sure you don’t miss out on a golden opportunity to investigate comprehensively what turns your partner on. You can do this just by talking about it, sure, but reading erotic novels together is a great trick, too. It’s a great way to connect, communicate, and glean inspiration for your own erotic fiction creation. Consider it a way to see what really “does it” for your partner, and what only elicits a “meh”; that’s the stuff you can leave out. Erotic novels are chock-full of sexy suggestions you’ve probably never even thought of before!

“You might think that you know everything about what makes your partner feel hot and bothered, but in reality, you probably don’t know everything,” she says. “And, neither do they! As you embark on this journey together, you’ll surprise each other and yourselves with the path that your erotica takes. This will enhance your connection and help you please each other in the future.”

An essential component of writing in tandem demands that you first create a mutual sexual vocabulary, Levi says. That vocabulary will serve as the foundation of the sentences you write to string together and build your novel. Vocabulary is a primary tool for every writer, but especially when you’re crafting a novel length, romantic and erotic story together.

“Erotic language goes far beyond the ‘oh yeahs’ and the ‘right theres,’” Levi reminds. “When you are forced to add some thought and dimension to the words you use to describe sex, you subconsciously develop a mutual sex language between you and your partner.” 

Of course, you and your passion partner can then apply that language to heighten your love life and make your intimate moments even more thrilling and fulfilling. So, if you’re serious about taking a real stab at penning bold, ballsy blockbusters together, then you probably want to explore a little more technical instruction from an established sex-penning professional. Elissa Wald’s work has been published in numerous journals and anthologies, and her books including Meeting The Master, Holding Fire, and The Secret Live of Married Women.

In her article “The Dos and Don’ts of Writing Erotic Fiction” for litreactor.com, Wald informs potential pleasure-art scribes about how to write well about sex: “We have to resist the version of sexuality that’s brandished at us every day by the advertising and fashion industry: most especially the idea that we can only be aroused by superficiality and perfection. How can we make sex — on the page as well as in life — less a performance and more a source of communion? How can we go deeper?”

Wald then provides ten tips for generating erotic fiction that range from Respect the Genre, Respect the Reader to Dispense With Cliches. One of the absolute essential rules for writing erotica, Wald instructs, is to Draw On All Five Senses When You Write A Sex Scene: “The curve of a hip. The scent of leather. The taste of boot polish. The sound of rain on the roof. The texture of the grass in a secluded field. A compelling fantasy demands a certain immediacy. Put the reader where your characters are.” 

Lastly, Wald also firmly counsels romantic writing teams to Write Your Own Fantasy. Make It Authentic. Pulling from personal experience, she says: ‘If I’m working on a sex scene and I’m not turned on, I know it probably isn’t very effective. If you’re not hot and bothered while writing, chances are good that ultimately the reader won’t be either.” 

There is another erotica caveat: The path to stroking out hot, steamy tomes of love and sex together is not all paved with lubricant and vibrators, say Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka. The co-authors (and former high-school sweethearts) are married and have written seven novels together. Earlier this year, they were featured in a New York Post article written by Todd Farley.

Their most recent title is the adult romance Do I Know You? (Berkley). “It’s the story of Eliza and Graham, a wedded couple in a marital rut who hope that a getaway to a romantic resort will reignite a matrimonial spark,” the article says. There are complications along the way, of course, but ultimately the story provides them “a chance to see if they remember why they once fell in love.” 

Their career as erotica coauthors was launched – you guessed it – during the coronavirus shut down. They leveraged their discovery of writing adult literature together to get through the pandemic with their sanity and marriage in tact. However, they also learned that collaborations between amorously ardent authors aren’t always easy.

“Wibberley and Siegemund-Broka love working together, but the writing process is not without its struggles,” Farley writes. “While Do I Know You has alternating chapters told from the perspectives of Emily and Graham, the married coauthors write every word of their books in tandem.  ‘We don’t trade off who writes what. We write it together in the same room, speaking to each other,’ Austin explains. ‘Every sentence, which is why there’s always conflict!’ Emily laughs. It’s exactly as hard as it sounds, they say.”

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