Ask the Intimacy Advisor: Bare Down There

by Kristin T.

November 1, 2021


Question:  What are the best products for intimate shaving?  What is the best way to prep, shave, and protect against rashes or irritation?  – Stud

Thanks for the great question, Stud!  Everyone has their preferred levels of hairiness (or lack thereof) on different parts of their body, including their intimate areas, and shaving is the easiest and most common way to maintain those preferences.  The fact that you’re asking about products, prep, and aftercare to prevent rashes and irritation tells me you’re definitely on the right track…all of those things are SO important when we’re shaving our sensitive intimate areas.  Here are some pro tips and products that will keep you smooth and sexy!

Preparation:  For starters, timing is important here. While you obviously want to be freshly shaven if you know you’re going to be getting your freak on, try NOT to shave the same day you’re for sure getting laid…all that extra friction can cause nasty razor bumps, and possibly leave your sensitive skin more prone to irritation or infection.  A day or two before the big event is perfect…hair around our genitals doesn’t grow back as fast as facial hair or leg hair does, so you won’t be stubbly by then.  Since it sounds like you may know that you are prone to irritation or razor bumps, it’s a good idea to first use a gentle exfoliating product on the areas you’re about to shave.  One made for your face, like Cetaphil Extra Gentle Exfoliating Scrub is a safe place to start.  Massage it in so it sloughs off those dead skin cells that can clog your pores during and after shaving, then rinse it off well.  

If your hair is very long or very thick, it’s a good idea to first use an electric trimmer like the Bathmate Trimmer to get the majority of it off before you go in for the detail work.  Next, it’s a good idea to start with a new or nearly new razor every time you’ll REALLY be focusing on shaving your privates.  A sharp new razor is  much less likely to pull, tug, and ironically, nick or cut you.  Also, don’t use the same shaver you use for your face…your junk and/or your lady bits are MUCH less flat and more needy.  For both men and women, a nice women’s razor with three to five blades, rounded casing, and a moisturizing strip will help you get around all those curves and uneven surfaces, and will help you remove more hair with fewer repetitive strokes, and therefore less irritation.  

Finally, don’t forget to lather up with a rich, protective shaving cream or gel.  This is another case of not wanting to use the same one you use on your face.  I cannot speak highly enough of Coochy shave cream!!  It’s perfect for both men and women, and comes in more the more masculine scents of Coastal Haven and fragrance free Au Natural, as well as the Lover’s Lane Exclusive scent, Dark Angel, and more!  It’s creamy and rich, and a little bit goes a long way.  Spread on a thin layer, and you won’t have to rinse your razor as often.

During Shaving:   We know it can be a little hard to see what you’re doing down there, but try to make sure you’re shaving with the direction of the hair growth and not against it.  If you feel any pulling, you’re going the wrong way!  Shaving in the bathtub is great because you can quickly dunk your razor to rinse it…don’t try to keep dragging it through when it’s all clogged up with hair.  Reapply shave cream as needed, and occasionally splash water to rinse off any loose hair, so you’re not just picking up the same stuff over and over.    

Aftercare: Make sure you rinse all of your freshly shaven intimate skin thoroughly.  It’s okay to use antibacterial soap in the area if you want to get it really clean, but make sure it’s body safe (never hand soap! That will over-dry your skin and sting like a MFer!), and keep any soaps or body washes away from those sensitive mucous membranes…skin only!  When you get out of the bath or shower, pat those freshly shaven areas dry with a clean towel.  If you can walk around naked for a bit to get some air-drying action going, that can help, too!  Just make sure you get those genitals really, really dry!  A spritz of Coochy’s After Shave Protection Mist  after you’re dry but before you put your clothes on will help condition and protect your sensitive skin without clogging your pores. Continuing to use it daily after shaving will prevent discomfort as the hair starts to grow back in.  Wait a day or two before you use any kinds of oily or creamy lotions or ointments down there.  If you do apply lotion or cream to your intimate skin to prevent or treat itching or rashes, make sure it’s fragrance free.  It’s also a good idea to clean your intimate skin thoroughly as soon after sex as possible, to prevent bodily fluids, lubes, and moisture that may cause irritation or infection from building up on that sensitive skin!  Good luck, and happy shaving!

Question:  How do I find out what his Love Language is without asking him? – Patience

Hi, Patience!  I’m glad you read the “Speak Your Partner’s Love Language” post, and I hope you enjoyed it!  That’s an excellent clarifying question! It can be hard to tell sometimes what your partner’s Love Language is if you don’t just want to come right out and ask.  If you can’t sit down together and both take the quiz and talk about your results, try these ideas instead:

Pay attention to how HE shows YOU that he loves you.  Notice every little thing he does, no matter how normal or natural it seems.  We often project our own love languages loud & clear to our partners, because that’s how we show THEM that we love them, even if it may not actually be the most meaningful style to them.  We treat them how we want to be treated, without even realizing we’re doing it.  For instance, my partner regularly brings me gifts.  Small things, usually not things I’ve asked for…just things that he sees and thinks they would make me smile.  Little figurines, stuffed animals, a pint of my favorite gelato.  Because of this behavior, I quickly learned that HIS primary love language is Receiving Gifts.  He likes to receive gifts himself, so he buys them for me assuming we’re speaking the same love language. My primary love languages are actually Quality Time and Physical Touch, which he also provides me with plenty of, but I still of course appreciate his gestures and gifts. That’s how he best knows to show love, because that’s what he prefers himself! Pay attention to your partner’s behavior, how he shows you affection, and what he seems to ask for or enjoy the most from you, and you’ll be able to read his love language in no time!  

You can also suss out his Love Language through deep discussions disguised as a fun and sexy game. The Mind, Body, & Soul Game and the You & Me Game of Love and Intimacy are both great “getting to know you” games.  They’ll get you two communicating through questions and answers, with sexy twists and very happy endings no matter who “wins”.  The questions in these games are thoughtful and encourage intimate discussions and straightforward answers to questions you may never otherwise think to ask.  There are questions about love, sex, intimacy, and romance, so some of them are sure to point you in the right direction for figuring out his love language.  Play one of these games with your partner, and you’ll both learn more about each other than you knew you didn’t know…and have fun doing it!    

What’s Next?

Do YOU have a question for the Intimacy Advisor blog?  As your friendly Romance Specialist, I want to be able to make this column a regular feature here, but I need your questions to do that!  You know…those ones you’re not comfortable asking anyone else about!  If you have a question or curiosity about love, romance, intimacy, relationships, or sex,  just click the red & white “Ask our Romance Specialist” button at the top of the blog, and submit your question!  I can’t guarantee I will be able to answer ALL of the questions that come in, but I will get to as many as I can in as timely a fashion as possible.  If I don’t know the answer, I will do my research before responding, and your privacy is always guaranteed!

I look forward to reading your most pressing intimate questions soon! In the meantime, just keep on loving each other!


~The Intimacy Advisor  <3


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