Ask the Intimacy Advisor: Secret Curiosities

by Kristin T.

November 1, 2021


It’s pretty safe to say that if you’ve been wondering about a sex or love-related topic, you’re not the only one.  Our brains (and bodies) crave answers about our most primal of needs, but it’s not exactly comfortable bringing these things up in casual conversation or polite company.  Consider the Intimacy Advisor your trusted friend, who will answer your most intimate questions kindly & honestly, and will provide the original asker and anyone else who may have the same secret curiosities some helpful tips along the way!  It helps to know you’re not alone.  Now, read on for some answers to some private (but common) questions from our readers!

Question:  How do I get my husband to be romantic again like when we were dating? ~Kellie

Great question, Kellie!  This is a common concern for many couples who have been together for awhile…after some time, the romance just…fizzles.  But never fear, you can get it back!  My first bit of advice? Don’t be subtle.  Without stereotyping too hard, the male of our species just doesn’t do subtlety.  If you need him to step up his romance game, you need to tell him!  Try to bring up favorite memories of when you were dating, and drop MAJOR hint bombs like, “Hey, remember when we used to pack a picnic and go eat and throw the Frisbee at the park every other weekend?  We should do that again soon, I miss it!  I’ll pick up the wine if you make the sandwiches!”  Seriously, leave no room for misinterpretation.  Hopefully your first “re-date” will relight the spark in him, and remind him that he should still treat you like when you two were new.  If you get the ball rolling, let him keep it going.  Wait and see what romantic activity he plans next…you might be pleasantly surprised!  

You can also lead by example and hope he picks up what you’re putting down.  Plan a SUPER romantic night at home: we’re talking his favorite dinner, candles, rose petals on the bed, sexy lingerie for both of you (you can surprise him with something for his package…surprise gifts are always super romantic!), and delicious sensual massages.  He will absolutely swoon, and he’ll be reminded of how awesome that romance feels.  If this doesn’t make him say, “Ohmygosh, that was amazing, we have to do it again soon” and then actually DO it again soon, then you’ll just need to talk to him and really tell him how you’re feeling.  If he doesn’t realize he’s not acting romantically toward you anymore, he can’t begin to fix it.  Good luck!      

Help! I’m looking for a new toy, and there’s so many options I’m not sure which one to get!  Sadly my “blue bunny” died so I need something new ASAP! ~ Cora

You’ve come to the right place, Cora!  First of all, I love that you name your toys!  It sounds cheesy, but that can help give us a much more personal relationship with them, so we’ll actually enjoy them more.  Second, good on you for being choosy about a purchase that is going to bring you years of self-love and pleasure!  It’s not a decision to take lightly, but I think I have some great options to help point you in the right direction!  Since you call your beloved toy that needs to be replaced Blue Bunny, this leads me to guess that it is a rabbit toy.  Rabbit toys are great because they’re multifunctional, stimulating either the g-spot or the vagina AND the clitoris at the same time.  This can lead to some amazing orgasms.  The Femme Fun Booster Rabbit Vibe is a great one that stays somewhat anatomically correct.  The G-spot tip rotates to give you that perfect “come hither” stimulation, while the little rabbit vibes on your clit until you tell him to stop!  Our sunny-colored California Dreaming collection from CalExotics are also all great variations on the rabbit toy.  They all have slightly different features, so see which one looks like fun to you! If you’re ready to branch out from a traditional rabbit, a multi-piece set like the Sym-B Collection is always a great way to build your pleasure chest and give you options.  We are also seriously crushing on the Osé Massager & Stimulator from Lora Dicarlo.  Sure, it looks a little odd (see below), but it is perfectly positionable and will deliver mind-blowing human-like stimulation of your g-spot and clitoris to keep you coming again…and again…and again.  Don’t forget to stop in to your nearest Lover’s Lane store to have a Romance Specialist help you look for your perfect fit!  RIP, Blue Bunny, welcome, New Hotness!  Happy Shopping!    

Can you please send me a catalog?  Thanks. ~ Jim

Hi Jim!  I can tell you’ve been a loyal and long-time fan of Lover’s Lane, so thank you!  We know that our catalogs used to be the favorite piece of mail many of our customers received!  Unfortunately, since products in this industry change so often, and Lover’s Lane always strives to carry the latest & greatest, by the time our catalogs were going to publication, they were already outdated.  In order to stay current, remain sustainable, and keep prices affordable, we’ve had to move it all online.  You can shop for lingerie and romantic gifts, and for the more risque selections like sex toys and bedroom essentials.  They both make shopping easy, offer discreet billing and shipping from Lane Direct, and are available 24/7/365!  And don’t give up all hope for a catalog just yet…we may begin publishing at least the Annual Manual again soon!  Thank you for your question, and we can’t wait to welcome you back!

How do I get my wife to explore kinks? ~ Nick

Thank you for another great and very common question Nick!  We all have kinks and fetishes – it doesn’t make you weird – and exploring them with our partners is a great way to enhance your love life.  Your wife probably has some, too…maybe even the same ones!  No matter how long we’ve been with your spouse, though, it can still be hard to talk about and introduce into your bedroom routine.  The key here is open and honest communication.  Next time you’re talking about or shopping for sexy stuff, tell her what kinds of kinks really have you curious, or what you think you’d really enjoy together.  She might be willing to go all in, or at least meet you somewhere in the middle.  Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable being tied up just yet, but she’s willing to don a blindfold for some sensory play.  Maybe she’s open to trying role play, but she wants you to be the lead player first.  Make sure you talk about her hard limits, and don’t go there! You can also try introducing the kinks you’re wanting to explore with her through adult videos, erotic novels, or even in a fun way through playing a game like Domination.  Talk together, shop and explore together, and be open to indulging her darkest fantasies, too…turnabout’s fair play, after all!  If your kinks are predominantly in the BDSM arena, tune in this weekend for another post all about that!  Reading something like that together may be the perfect jumping-off point to broach the topic.  Now, go get your kinky fun on, lovebirds!

Enjoy a steamy Sextember, Lovers!  Tune in again soon for more answers to your most intimate questions.  I already have a few more on hand that I can’t wait to answer, so don’t be disappointed if you don’t see yours yet! Yours truly,

XOXO ~ The Intimacy Advisor

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