Sexual trauma isn’t a fun subject on which to blog, but it’s a very necessary one, and a topic we at Lover’s Lane find just as important as our lighter article subjects. This Sexual Health Month, we wanted to talk about this very important topic, and offer a few toy tips for anyone healing from trauma for whom sex just isn’t pleasurable anymore. It will take time and effort, but the good news is, there is hope. Hope for healing, and hope that you will be able to enjoy sex again
For folks who’ve gone through any kind of emotional and/or physical trauma of a sexual nature, it can be extremely difficult to feel comfortable with their sexuality and arousal. Anything from being forced to have sex with a nagging or threatening partner to being bashed for being LGBTQIA+ to growing up in a sex-negative household can cause the human brain to associate pleasure with shame and pain (including a lot of other, much worse events that we’re not going to discuss so we don’t trigger anyone).
Trauma can cause numbness or physical pain during intercourse or masturbation, regardless of how it happened, along with a bunch of other icky mental feelings, like anxiety or fear. Awakening your desire after traumatic events should be treated with care and the assistance of a trauma-informed, sexual health therapist if you need help. You may also wish to seek out some self-help resources on sexual trauma, such as the book Healing Sex by Staci Haines.
When working through your trauma, it might help to ease back into pleasure by using non-phallic, less overtly-sexual toys. Often, your body still craves orgasm, but you’re not ready to think about sex just yet.
We’ve chosen the following toys for their gentle, sex-neutral nature and potential healing properties. Incorporate them into your next mindful masturbation session.
Le Wand Crystal Rose Quartz Slim Wand
When the idea of partnered sex or even self-pleasure feels like a turn-off, turn to a pleasure product that’s not overtly sexual.
The Crystal Rose Quartz Slim Wand by Le Wand is a beautiful, real Rose Quartz massage wand that serves multiple purposes, including non-sexual ones like full-body massage. This wand scarcely looks like a dildo (though, yes, that’s what it was designed to be) with it’s shimmering, shiny surface of swirling pink tones.
Rose Quartz is said to be the crystal stone of self-love and healing. The wand’s slim, smooth design can help you gently ease into slow, mindful masturbation, whether internal or external.
A smooth, flat lay-on vibrator is a simple way to gently massage yourself to climax.
The Love Essentials Madeleine Lay-On Vibrator can be used by any gender and is great for humping, either in the palm of your hand or laid down on top of a pillow on your bed.
The Madeleine has 7 unique vibration settings, so you can choose your fave and then squeeze it between your legs for a hands-free session.
Womanizer Wave Pleasure Shower Head
Go back to the roots of where many women first experimented with healthy self-pleasure. While it’s nothing like most sex toys, it’s the sex toy many people have been hoping for ever since they first discovered masturbating with the shower head.
The Womanizer Wave Handheld Shower Head functions just like any regular shower head…but with 3 special water jets and modes made to focus pleasurable sensations on your clitoris and vulva.
Enjoy the healing properties of the warm water running over you in the shower, and take it down any time you’re in the mood to dip your toes into the masturbation waters. The swirling streams and streamlined sprays will keep you surfing all the way to a therapeutic orgasm or three.
Niya Form 4 Vibrating Egg
A small and rounded egg-shaped vibrator is another sex-neutral toy that can double as a pin-point massager for muscle knots.
We love the Niya Form 4 Vibrating Egg for it’s versatile shape. You can hold it in your palm and grind against it, hips down towards your bed, or you can grasp it between your fingers and direct the vibrations where you want using the Niya Form 4’s precision tip.
Experiment with all the places Niya can go, like the soft skin of the perineum (the area between your vaginal opening and anus) or lightly traced across the nipples.
Bougie Bullet with Rechargeable Case
An unassuming, multifunctional bullet is a great way to try using sex toys again for some sexual healing. A bestselling favorite for external stimulation of all kinds, a bullet really can do it all! Bonus if it comes in a cute little package.
The Bougie Bullet with Rechargeable Case by Femme Funn cuts no corners on quality or beauty. The seamless anodized aluminum finish effortlessly transfers 20 modes of vibration all over its smooth and cooling surface.
The adorable matching it comes with keeps it clean & discreet for storage, and that’s also its charger. It will feel like your sensual little secret every time you take it out to enjoy a mindful masturbation session. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and enjoy the waves of pleasure as you trace the bullet wherever your body wants it to go. It may also feel like a gentle and safe option for women healing from trauma as a first foray back into coupled playtime.
Dillio Secret Explorer 6 Silicone Dildo
If you’re ready to ease more deeply into penetration, a long, smooth dildo, like the Dillio Secret Explorer 6 Silicone Dildo, is a great remedy.
Secret Explorer 6 works wonderfully for all genders and features a suction cup base that sticks to any flat, smooth surface.
Made of platinum-cured silicone, this dildo looks pretty much nothing like a penis (for those who prefer less realistic toys). Top-tier silicone means it’s body-safe for all orifices and can be cleaned easily.
Why not buy something beautiful to aid in discovering yourself again?
As lovely as it is versatile, the Secret Kisses Rosegasm Twosome Dual Ended Suction Vibe resembles a single rose, equipped with an air-pulse clitoral stimulator between its petals. Use the rose like a magic wand, flipping through the toy’s 5 suction modes while tracing it across your labia.
If you’re craving a different kind of orgasm, flip the Rosegasm over and discover 10 vibration patterns in the handle, which you can insert or use on your vulva.