Sex & Self-Love Journaling

by Christopher J.

April 6, 2024


What is it, and How Do I Start?

You may use a journal to keep track of your travels or important family events, accomplishments and memories or jot down creative ideas you are exploring for poems or a novel. Today, however, people are also benefiting from using journals as powerful tools to track their sex lives and important self-love revelations.

“Self-love journaling can help you deepen your understanding of yourself, build resilience, and develop a more profound connection with the most important person in your life—yourself,” writes Kristen Webb Wright

The Importance of Privacy

The act of journaling is somewhat akin to talking to yourself. You usually don’t discuss your most intimate reflections about yourself or your love life in public places. You may eventually reveal some to a lover or close confidant or a therapist, but the most beneficial journaling enables you to record or reflect on important moments in your life by yourself first.

Through the entries in your journal, you can be completely free and honest. You can touch on your most intimate, secret thoughts and feelings without worrying about how anyone else might respond to them, positively or negatively. You can take the time to work through concerns about a relationship that’s not going well or celebrate the joys of an earth-shattering sexual experience or a smoothly progressing relationship that’s headed toward a long-term commitment.

You can chart your wildest dreams and most out-there fantasies. Once you’ve articulated them and thought them through, it will be easier to explore them with your partner. You can also contemplate more challenging or unhappy moments, even traumatic experiences in a calmer, more comfortable setting without fear of any judgment. You are always in control and can stop at any time you feel triggered or become uncomfortable with a topic.

“Therefore, your journal must be kept private, and you must feel confident that it will not be read by others,” says Joan Mazza in her article “Exploring Your Sexual Self: Uncover intimate knowledge about yourself by journaling your sensual side” for Writer’s Digest. “Writing a journal is a lot like having a conversation with yourself in your mind. Worrying about eavesdroppers will keep you from speaking your truth.”

If you would like to find a great way to get started journaling about your sex life, Mazza, an author and licensed mental health counselor, published her book in 2001, Explore Your Sexual Self: A Guided Journal, specifically to assist journalers who want to write about and understand their sexuality.

As with any type of diary, these documents allow you to ponder your experiences while they are happening, but you can also reflect back on them a week, a month or a year or more later. They will serve as memory aides, but they also provide a way to discern any patterns of behavior that you can learn from or change.

The Role of Self-Love Journaling

You may have heard it from a parent. You may have first learned of this belief in a sex-ed class or an article. But one of the great truisms of life is that you cannot understand fully how to love others unless and until you love you. That doesn’t necessarily mean standing in front of a mirror and hugging (or fondling) yourself.

According to PsychCentral, “Self-love means that you accept yourself fully, treat yourself with kindness and respect, and nurture your growth and well-being. Self-love encompasses not only how you treat yourself but also your thoughts and feelings about yourself.”

So, self-love should lead to healthy concept of yourself, rather than a self-centered, narcissistic attitude that would only interfere with opening yourself to others as friends or lovers. That openness arises from the confidence in yourself, what you are doing with your life, examining your weaknesses and working to correct them, as well as refining your goals that you strive to accomplish. Most important, self-love enables you to employ your strengths and gifts to help others, feature friends or lovers in your life and share and celebrate their strengths and achievements.

In her article “Using Writing to Cultivate Self-Love” in Psychology Today, Shainna Ali, Ph.D. says journaling about self-love can serve “as a cornerstone for transitioning from struggling with mental illness to thriving with mental wellness. Individuals who hone their self-love often experience benefits such as improved confidence, motivation, and happiness as well as decreased anxiety, depression, and suicidality.”

Ali recommends using the Self-Love Workbook: A Life-Changing Guide to Boost Self-Esteem, Recognize Your Worth and Find Genuine Happiness.

First Steps to Get You Journaling

Once you start journaling about self-love or your sex life or both, you will find it easier to build on what you are doing and keep the energy and momentum going. Here are a few good suggestions if you want to get started:

1) Select a bound journal or notebook that appeals to you: Go to a bookstore or shop that sells stationery and spend time searching for the journal that grabs your attention.

2) Find a regular time and a favorite place that you like to write and make it a routine. Some people use their home office; others nestle in their beds; some jot entries in their car overlooking a favorite spot in a park, and others chill at their preferred coffee shop. Go where you are most comfortable and most inspired.

3) Determine the main thrust of what you want to write about, whether it’s self-loving or one relationship or multiple sexual experiences. Then let yourself flow.

4) Write what you want to write and don’t worry about length. You don’t need to craft the Great American Novel every time. Just record the important facts and your deepest, funniest, saddest, but always most honest reflections. Give it time. Pretty soon, you’ll be surprised how much you have generated.

Still not quite sure what to start with? To get your journal writing rolling, here are some great self-love writing prompts. Here are some excellent sex journaling prompts, and here are ten more. Happy writing, lovers!

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