Stroker? I Barely Know ‘Er! Choosing Your First Stroker

by Christopher J.

October 16, 2022


It may feel like the ladies have all the luck when it comes to an endless variety of self-pleasure products there to fulfill their needs whenever they want. But what’s a penis owner to do? When getting yourself off manually with nothing but the hands attached to your wrists gets boring, can a guy level up their jerk-off game, too? Never fear…penis strokers are here…and they’re not nearly as scary as that inflatable sex doll in the cover photo! Read on for tips and tricks to help you choose your first (or next) masturbation gadget!

You’re not new to playing the old five-finger shuffle when horniness, I mean, loneliness wins the hand. Don’t even try to slip that one past us. And yeah, we know your girlfriend, boyfriend, or both can’t always be with you. Maybe you travel a lot for your job. Yeah, that’s the ticket. So, you frequently find yourself in perfect no-tell motel rooms with lots of stimulating gel but not so much romantically revitalizing to tell.

We know you’ve got an extraordinary imagination. Check. We know you’ve got the moola to ante-up for adult cable channels. Check. C’mon, you’ve often solicited your laptop for a few “private lap dances,” haven’t you? In your mind, you’re never alone. You’re chillin’ in your personal Boom Boom Room. So what do you do when using just your hands isn’t doing the trick anymore?

Well, it’s 2022, Reginald. We’ve pushed almost a quarter of the way deep into the 21st Century. So, get with the times and get a grip…of yourself. No reason you can’t seize one of an amazingly diverse range of sweet plastic, flesh-colored, battery-operated, sci-fi looking masturbatorial companions – many of which are now about as anatomically correct as anatomically correct gets. The glorious future of self-gratification you’ve been waiting for is already here and waiting for you, you raging boner loner. Whether you’re brand new to penis stroker toys or just ready for your next one, check out some of our faves.

Stroke It Tight Pussy

Let’s start at the top and work our way down. Or up. Or up down, up down, up down and all around. The Stroke It Tight Pussy is a realistic penis stroker. This closed-ended masturbating sleeve gives it superior suction AND is textured inside and out! Though other models may be more aesthetically anatomically pleasing – unless you’re a gynecologist – you won’t complain to your little toyfriend when you get home and come home! The cool “invisi skin” lets you see yourself at play. Plus, you can easily squeeze and control it to get your stroke and pressure just to your liking.

It’s simple to use, durable, waterproof, and conveniently sized to slip into your pocket, suitcase, or briefcase – or wherever you keep or transport your briefs. Just grab it and go! No one will know. Unless you want them to.

Cheap Thrills The Flight Attendant

This item gives you the cheap thrill of eyeing a vagina-shaped penis stroker to tickle your imagination while you’re scratching your lower head. You could convene with her – it – in an airliner restroom, close your eyes, and pretend the flight attendant is helping you gain membership in the Mile High Club. But it promises to fly tight and true at any altitude. It’s also flying low on the price-point scale, making it a perfect toy for beginners who may not be ready to commit.

Cheap Thrills The Mechanic

The alluring airline model also has a twin sister (or brother) for those who prefer to park in the rear. A mechanic may not be the most glamorous job, but she’s got other impressive assets, if you know what I mean. So, if that’s how you fly, you can think about her (or him) getting under your hood or firing up your jets in the hangar next time you’re grounded and flying solo.

Real Mouth Stroker

For you more orally inclined men, now you can get a blow while you’re on the go or just hanging hard at your crib. Or your office. Or your car.

The Real Mouth Stroker gives you the option to enjoy the ultimate deep throat blowjob any time it’s in reach. Made from soft and flexible Thermoplastic Elastomers TPE & molded to replicate the feel of an actual mouth, this stroker provides an ultra-realistic experience! With a life-like smooth and slippery tongue that extends out of the mouth for teasing and underside stimulation, it also features accurate palate ridges that make it look and feel just like the real thing! You have all the control at your fingertips, so you can decide whether to stroke gently or go for deep throat thrusting! The fantasy experience is yours to discover! Clean up is easy with the open-ended design. Remember, toy cleaner and a warm water rinse will extend the life of your toy.

Skyler Nicole Realistic Vagina & Ass Stroker W/ Movie Download

Now you’re taking your Wicked Wiz somewhere, and it ain’t Kansas, A-Aron. Skyler’s waiting for you with open – well, no arms, but kinda nice looking front and back doors.

The Skyler Nicole Realistic Vagina & Ass Stroker is a two-channel stroker made from super-stretchy and pliable thermoplastic elastomers (TPE). Hold on to the lifelike hips with one hand, and dive into your fantasies. There’s even a free foil packet of lube included for your first date, complemented by an adult film download featuring Skyler Nicole herself, so you don’t even completely have to use your imagination. A conveniently placed hole at the end facilitates easy cleaning. 

Manta Men’s Vibrator

This toy is truly next level. And don’t let its pincer design scare you. You’re not on an alien planet in a bad ‘50s sci-fi film. Though I suppose you could be, if that’s your fantasy, and the flight attendant took you there on the Space Shuttle— Sorry, I just spaced out for a second…

The Manta Men’s Vibrator will definitely take you to other worlds. Fun Factory went above and beyond to innovate a new penis sex toy that strays from the traditional stroker. Simply wrap the toy around your penis pal for shaft stroking or pinpoint pleasure (ever had a frenulum-based orgasm?), or use it to help make a blowjob feel like deep throat. 

The sleek shape and ridges increase sensation and help it hold lube more effectively. The soft, body safe silicone accommodates a variety of penis sizes. It’s great for both solo use and partner play! It delivers six (6) speeds and six (6) exciting patterns of vibration, so you’ll never get bored with this Manta ray of sunshine.

Pdx Plus Ez Bang Torso Light

It’s been a long week. You’re beat. The tension has built to an uncomfortable level. You’re about to explode. But there’s no lover there to help you blow up! That’s when you know it’s time to take things into your own hands. Or in this case, let your fleshy plastic pleasure partner help you scale ecstatic heights you’ve not experienced. Yet. That day.

This EZ Banger, er ,Lover, er, PDX Plus EZ Bang Torso Light is a luxury stroker for men who take their leisure lasciviously. This masturbator has a realistic shape made from Fanta Flesh. Both holes share an internal channel, and the closed design creates suction as you thrust. You have your choice of lower-level erotic entrances to give you great pleasures, and you can hang on to the bodacious breasts to keep you safely and sweetly engaged during the ride. The torso style gives you a little more to wrap your hands around if a simple tube just doesn’t do it for you.

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