Sometimes, the only things you need to communicate during sex are your eyes, your hands, your breath, and your body. Silence isn’t the right word, but you don’t necessarily always have to speak to enjoy sex. However, speaking after a wild or quiet coupling can be a wonderful way to enhance the afterglow and share your love with your lover.
Because the focus of pillow talk is on positive and uplifting communication, that brings people closer, according to Alisa Ruby Bash, PsyD in the 2019 healthline.com article “How to Up Your Relationship Intimacy with Pillow Talk” by Sara Lindberg. “It’s much more about enhancing emotional intimacy and creating a safe environment, which can enhance sex as well,” she adds.
Bash defines pillow talk as the intimate, authentic, unguarded conversation that occurs between two lovers.
Not to compare sex to sports or business, but sex therapist Christopher Ryan Jones, PsyD believes a little “post-game analysis” can be quite beneficial.
“That kind of frank back-and-forth can increase intimacy and provide the opportunity to better understand what is most enjoyable for you sexually,” he says in an article by Gabrielle Kassel in wellandgood.com titled “Sex Educators Want You to Have Pillow Talk After Sex (Because Postgame Analysis Isn’t Just a Sports Thing).” In other words, don’t be afraid to do a little debriefing while you are rebriefing.
In the same article, sexual-wellness expert and director of education at sex-toy company Satisfyer, Megwyn White, believes pillow talk might hold the power to close the orgasm gap. “If more vulva-owners felt comfortable sharing what they enjoy sexually, their partners might have a better idea of what they can do during sex that might lead to more orgasms, she says.
Mainly, Dr. Jones adds, open and clear communication immediately after lovemaking can increase the opportunity to enjoy similar or even more deeply satisfying sexual experiences. “It’s a way to make sure you’re both comfortable with what happened, are equally enjoying the (sexual) experiences you’re sharing, and will continue to enjoy the experiences of the future,” he declares.
If you still aren’t sure about what pillow talk or post-coital parleys should involve, Kassel’s article offers these central basic components:
• talking about what you love about each other
• sharing dreams for the future, travel and adventure, and things you want to try as a couple
• recalling special moments, like when you first fell in love
• talking about fears that need comforting
• reminding each other of your love
• sharing positive attributes and gestures that can help your partner feel safer and more confident
So, you may even already have your favorite comments or compliments to convey to your lover. Or they may just come to you naturally in the moment while cuddling or snuggling in a bubble of glimmering, warm sexual serenity.
If not, what exactly should you say? The following is a selection of cute things you can whisper, murmur or purr into your lover’s ear. You might even text a sexy thought a little later or the next day, just to show your lover that you continue to savor how powerfully pleasurable the experience was.
Now, we’ll leave you with a dirty dozen of our favorite soft, sexy thoughts from a sizable “What to Say After Sex” selection on elitedaily.com to add to your amorous arsenal:
• Let me just say I’m *really* glad you told me to come over last night.
• I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.
• I’m at work, but I’m wishing I was still in bed with you.
• So… we can both agree last night was pretty incredible, right?
• I’ve been hydrating all day after all that exercise we did last night.
• For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about you naked…
• Phew. I started thinking about all the things we did last night and now I need a cold shower.
• I don’t know where you learned how to [fill in the blank], but I sure am glad you did.
• Either I had an incredibly vivid dream last night, or you gave me the best sex of my life.
• I don’t know when you get off work, but I do know I’d like to get you off again sometime soon.
• Ever since I left your place, I’ve been thinking about all the things I wanna do to you next time we’re together.
• If you’re free later, I’d love to come… over again.