How to Spice Up Your Love Life with Sexting & Dirty Talk
There’s a lot more to talking dirty than one might think. The benefits for your sex life aren’t just in the heat of the moment. Building anticipation before, during, and after sex with a little verbal seduction will help ignite the excitement of two bodies coming together. Let’s dive into why you should be making dirty talk part of your sex life!
Six Sexy Benefits of Dirty Talk
1. Improves Sexual Self Confidence
Dirty talk may not come naturally right away, especially face-to-face. Even when you are comfortable with the person you’re with, sometimes the nerves are still there. What people often don’t realize is the words you speak everyday program your brain and how you think. The more you keep saying something like “you’re going to love what I do to you tonight” the more you’re essentially saying “hey, I’m really good at this, and you’re going to feel great”, so you convince yourself you’re skilled, improving your sexual self-confidence.
2. Informs Your Partner of Your Preferences
At the root of it, dirty talk is a way to compliment or tell your partner what you’re into. “Oh yes, right there”, “more”, “harder”, “pull me closer”, “put my hands above my head” all let your partner know what you like. Depending on your comfort level, things can get extreme – you might feel a rush with a whisper of “tell me I’m your slut”, or something less instructive that makes you feel sexy or wanted. Be aware – giving your partner consent to use certain language in the bedroom does not mean that language applies to you in all instances, especially outside of the bedroom, but it can be great for enhancing desire.
3. Decreases Performance Anxiety
Verbal affirmations help with confidence and relax performance pressures, plus who doesn’t love a little flattery! Women and Men are susceptible to insecurities about their bodies and/or their skills between the sheets. Saying things like “you truly are so beautiful”, “your butt is super cute”, “I’m so turned on right now”, or even “you feel so good inside of me”, help to engage with your partner during sex and put you both at ease.
4. Enables More Fantasy Play
Talking dirty may lead to letting your partner know what kind of sexual fantasies you have and may want to try together. The first step to making any fantasy come true is to talk about it and see if it works for the two of you. Interested in BDSM? You could say “It would be so hot if you tied me to the bed“. Want to give roleplay a shot? “Hey boss, is there anything I can do for you? Or maybe to you…?” Dirty talk can be a great way to test the waters before diving straight in, certain fantasies may be just that, a fantasy, but others may bring a new rush of intensity to your sex life.
5. More Pleasure, More Fun
Sex incorporated with dirty talk has greater potential to be more pleasurable and more fun. With more confidence, relaxation, knowledge of your partner’s preferences, and less anxiety, you’re bound to have a better experience. Talking dirty may even increase the intimacy between you and your partner, and who doesn’t want to be more intimate?
6. Deeper Awareness of Your Experience
Nothing is sexier than being lost in the moment with your partner. If you’re thinking about what you must get at the grocery store or what happened at work that day, chances are you’re probably not focused on each other. Attain a deeper awareness of your intimacy through deeper involvement in the sex act through engaging in dirty talk. When you’re totally in the moment, that’s when things can truly get wild, and the best part is talking dirty only makes it wilder. A few sexy words could lead to trying new positions, or different ways to touch and feel each other. Maybe mention including a sex toy for both of you to enjoy. This is where the fun really begins!
Ways to Try Talking Dirty
Sexting Before Sex
While there are essentially two different kinds of “sexts”, pictures or words, they can both be done in different ways. Picture sexts can reveal any body parts plus any amount of skin depending on how much you want to tease them, or maybe you just send them a picture of your underwear on the tip of your finger and say “I’m waiting for you.” If you are a long distance from each other but want to get their attention, try texting “I’m touching myself to the thought of you.” There is so much power in the words we speak (or text). Quick phrases like, “I need to feel you inside of me” or “You’ll love the surprise I have for you tonight ;)” will definitely get a reaction when texted. You can even turn normal texting and photo exchanges into sexting with your responses. Telling your partner “I can’t wait to get you out of those clothes” or “wow, you are so hot!” will help get both of you focused on each other and hopefully get those clothes on the floor when you are finally together. Then the IRL foreplay and dirty talk can begin!
When in doubt about what to say in the heat of the moment, either tell them what you want or ask them what they want. “Oh yeah, mmmm, keep doing that”, or “what do you want me to do to you?” are both foolproof starts. Letting them know what really turns you on is also a great way to get things heated up. If you’re new to dirty talk you may feel awkward about it at first, and that’s normal. But making (and fulfilling) a couple simple requests (or even demands) can really shake up the sex and get you more satisfaction overall.
“When you did that one thing with your hands, that was mind blowing!” Obviously you’ll be more specific, but that’s a great example of after sex dirty talk. You can also talk about what you’ll do to them next time, keeping the fire burning for more sex adventures to come. Other compliments like “you know you’re amazing” or “I just can’t get over how beautiful/handsome you are” are always safe bets. Just let them know how great they were from start to finish and they’re sure to appreciate it, and want to come back for more again and again.