We admit, despite the flowing robes and sizable staff he is usually pictured gripping, St. Patrick does not present as the hottest sex icon in Irish history. Not on the same level as, say, actor Colin Farrell. Still, March 17, his patron saint day, has earned a wicked reputation as a celebration of free-flowing fun, frolic and naughty shenanigans for all.
What other day of the year does everyone drink green beer and wear buttons, temporary tattoos, t-shirts and floppy Mad Hatter hats that say, Kiss Me, I’m Irish; No Pinchy, Pinchy; Rub Me for Luck; Let the Shenanigans Begin; and Get Lucky Here! In fact, it’s the one day of the year when the pick-up line “Would you like to get lucky?” doesn’t sound as phony or forced. Not by much, but still.
Here are five sure-fire ways to enhance your chance to enjoy the luck o’ the Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.
1) Laugh like a lascivious leprechaun.
The Irish are famed for their grand sense of humor, and making someone laugh is usually a great way to break the ice or get them in the mood to expand that connection. For easy starters this year, try one of these at least giggle-inducing pick up lines borrowed from “four-leaf flirters” at one of Manhattan’s most venerable and legendary of Irish dive bars, McSorley’s Olde Ale House in the East Village, as chronicled by the NY Post in 2010:
“Tell him, ‘I can’t wait to say top o’ the mornin’ to you.’”
“Ask him if he’s ever spent time in Ireland. Then tell him your name’s Ireland.”
“If she complains you’re not wearing green, tell her she hasn’t looked hard enough.”
“Is that a leprechaun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
“I hope my rainbow finds your pot of gold.“
2) Drink in moderation.
Yeah, yeah. Faith and begorrah! That runs completely counter to your common conception of what St. Paddy’s Day is all about. We know. But if you really want to get lucky, get smart.
Sure, it’s okay to party all day, if you don’t have to work and you don’t have to drive the Snakemobile while snockered. But if you start early with green beer, green eggs and ham, Sham U. Am, remember to keep the whole day in mind. If you’re sloshed by lunchtime, you’ll probably be sleeping soundly by sundown. More important, once you’re intoxicated, even your Kelly green “I don’t get drunk, I get awesome” sweatshirt won’t save you.
So, think sexy, not sloppy. Know your limits and pace yourself. Especially men. You don’t want to let drink drive away your snake on St. Patrick’s Day. Leave that to the Saints.
3) Go Green or Go Home.
Back in the day in the Old Sod, the “wearin’ o’ the green” meant something a little different than it does today in the U.S. of A. People would simply pin a four-leaf clover to their blouse, woolen sweater or vest, not wear all shades of green from emerald to fluorescent – from tam o’ shanter to toes – all topped by oversized satin leprechaun hats.
In all macántacht (honesty), as the Irish might say in Gaelic, you could probably wear any of that stuff to your favorite parade or party and take it from silly to sexy, if you wear green lingerie underneath to at least honor the holiday theme. That lets you think, “Go Green and Then Go Home!”
4) Hold a Hooley.
Dancing is always a perfect way to get your partner in the mood or better still ignite a courtship. The Irish people’s love of dancing dates all the way back to the Celts and Druids who first settled the island. Many of their tribal religious rituals featured dancing, usually in a circular fashion, often around sacred trees.
That was long before the Christian church came along and prohibited Irish stepdancers from using their arms or hips from shaking their O’Booties and keeping it sexy. Kind of like what American prudes tried to do to Elvis, who just happened to be of Irish descent. They had about as much luck with The Pelvis as the Irish Catholic Church did with preventing Sinead O’Connor or the Pogues from being, well, Sinead O’Connor and the Pogues.
For the Irish today, a “hooley,” then, is a day of dancing in kitchens, barns, courtyards…wherever there was room for a fiddler, guitarist and a bodhran (drum) player to rock out a reel or a jig. Dancing lets you show off your physical prowess and get close so that you can apply your dance moves to shamrock your lover right down to their four-leaf clovers and shuffle your way into a fun and increasingly intense bedroom romp. Foreplay begins on the dance floor, and St. Patrick’s day is no exception. Whether you’re Irish or not, start things off with Irish singer/songwriter Van Morrison’s classic mood-setter “Moondance.”
5) Expose Your Full Moon.
There’s a traditional Irish superstition that calls on the guardian of the night breeze to help spread love.
The tradition requires that, on the night of a full moon (which just so happens to be Friday, March 18th this year!), you walk beneath the bedroom window of your paramour between midnight and 1 am. You then whisper their name three times to the wind. The belief is that they’ll fall madly in love with you.
Whisper is the operative word. All the more reason to remain sober, even if you’re celebrating a day late. Yelling their name at the top of your lungs in a drunken stupor means it’s less likely that you will be spending the night with your green-laced lover in their bedroom and much more likely you’ll be sleeping it off in an industrial-green jail cell.
Adh mor ort! (Good luck!)
