A Prostate Play Primer

by Kristin T.

November 15, 2020


With November being “Movember” and Men’s Health Awareness Month, you may be hearing a lot about the prostate lately.  We talked about prostate cancer in a previous post, and that of course can be a concerning and devastating health condition for those men who develop it, but having a prostate isn’t all doom and gloom!  Believe it or not, playing with that innocuous little walnut-sized gland that produces your seminal fluid can make for lots of fun in the bedroom, too!  

This post serves as a bonus “Ask the Intimacy Advisor”, too, because we recently received this question from T.C. : ” What is male prostate manipulation? Why do men enjoy it?  How is it different from a normal orgasm?”  Read on, T.C. and all others who are curious…I hope to answer these questions and more as we talk all about prostate massage!

Massaging or “milking” the prostate is a masturbation or sexual technique (don’t tune out just yet, ladies…it can be very rewarding to help bring your man to this kind of orgasm, too!) that involves stimulating the prostate until it basically has its own mini-orgasm…and believe me, you’ll feel it throughout your whole body!  The prostate is a highly sensitive erogenous zone, just like a woman’s g-spot, which is why it’s sometimes referred to as the P-spot, and it can be stimulated directly in the ways we’ll talk more about below, or indirectly through pressure on the perineum or “taint”.  Whether you’re trying to find your prostate from the inside or the outside, you’ll notice a different feel to it than the surrounding tissues, and you’ll feel a strong, sudden urge to pee when you hit it just right…that’s the spot, so bear with that feeling and you’ll get to the pleasure in no time!      

Manual Stimulation:

If you’re brand new to prostate massage, I’m going to recommend you start with the basics…your hands. More specifically, just a finger!  Please do yourself a favor, dudes, and get over the “nothing goes in the out door” hang-up.  Enjoying anal play is normal, natural, and fun for folks of any sex and gender, but even more so for penis owners with a super-sensitive prostate!  It may take you a few attempts before you really get comfortable enough to enjoy it, but once you do, you’ll see that you’re truly ‘pushing all the right buttons’! Let’s run through the basic steps you should follow for engaging in insertion and manual stimulation for prostate massage and trying to trigger a prostate orgasm:

  • Step One:  Make sure your hands are clean and your fingernails and cuticles are neat and trimmed short & smooth.  Those are sensitive tissues in there and you don’t want anything that could snag or cut you.
  • Step Two:  Your body and state of mind should be as aroused and relaxed as possible.  Find a comfortable position where you can reach your anus, like on all fours or standing on your knees.  It’s ok to take your time and multiple tries to find what works for you, and you can adjust your position for whether you’re playing alone or a with a partner, too.  
  • Step Three: Use lube (Wicked Jelle works great because it stays where you put it better than a liquid), and if you or a partner are concerned about cleanliness you can put a condom over your finger(s) too. Gently and gradually insert your finger into your rectum; your fingernail should be up towards your back, as you’ll want to make a “come hither” motion when you get there.
  • Step Four:  About 2 inches inside, start curling your finger towards your belly button and feel for a squishy patch that feels different than the tissue around it.  The more aroused you are, the more swollen and pronounced it will be.
  • Step Five:  Once you find it, you can continue with the “come hither” motion of your fingertip, or you can switch it up and try a circling motion, pressing the prostate like you would a doorbell, or even fast tapping to simulate vibration…this one gets tiring quickly, though, so if you find you really like the vibration sensation, it’s time to try toys!  

Prostate Massage with Toys:

All toys made for backdoor play are wonderful, but they’re not all created equal, either.  If you’re looking for a toy specifically for prostate stimulation, you want something with a slightly curled end or wider, flared tip that will angle in and make contact with your prostate in just the right way.  A simple vibrating prostate wand or short, curved dildo (this one is great for strap-on play, too, which is another way to get your partner involved!) will get the job done, but there are many “fancier” styles as well!  Many prostate toys vibrate, but not all, so you can decide if that’s a sensation you like or not…it’s good to try everything! Even if you’re not already big on butt stuff, the prostate toys below are a great place to start on your journey to discovery:  

5 in. Male P-Spot Massager

This is a non-vibrating prostate toy, so using it for prostate massage just requires sliding it in to the right position (use lube!), then letting your body naturally rock up and down on it while it does all the work! The size, curvature, and external stimulating curls make it the perfect fit for most men’s bodies, and it’s great for beginners or prostate pros!  It stimulates the prostate both internally, and externally through the perineum, so both sensations combined should put your orgasm over the top in no time!

Nexus Revo 2 & Revo Slim Prostate Massager

These two are about as revolutionary as you can get in a prostate toy, as the shaft has a two-speed motor that rotates the tip in both directions, stimulating your prostate in ways your finger could never do!  The outer arm also stimulates the perineum, and they have different vibration speeds and patterns to choose from as well.  The Revo Slim (pictured right) features a smaller size which is good for beginners, and a remote control which makes it perfect for partnered play.  The Revo 2 is the standard size for the Nexus Revo line and will deliver reliable, powerful prostate massage through rotation & vibration that will keep you begging for more!  Always use these and any other prostate toys with plenty of water-based lube!    

Lelo Loki Wave Vibrator

The Lelo Loki Wave is a smooth, perfectly curved, and powerful vibrator that puts you in control of adjusting your precise angle and intensity. The gently curved insertable end targets the prostate internally, while the external arm sits outside to target the perineum. Its shape guarantees you’ll feel the powerful vibes exactly where you’re supposed to! It’s also 100% waterproof so you can take your prostate play session into the shower. Whether it’s with a toy like the simple Billy 2 or Loki Wave or with your hands, once you get the hang of targeting your prostate precisely, keep exploring! You can even add in a cooling stimulant gel for more sensational excitement.

The Other Way In…

So, what if you just really don’t like the idea of anal play to directly stimulate the prostate, indirect stimulation through the perineum isn’t enough, or you’ve ‘been there, done that’ with both of those methods and are looking for something more adventurous? There IS one more way to stimulate the prostate, and that’s through urethral sounding.  This is often considered a kink…and a rare one at that because it freaks a lot of people out! This technique can indeed seem intimidating at first, but it shouldn’t be painful or dangerous if you follow directions and do it right.  The prostate rests between your bladder and your penis, so reaching it through your urethra just makes sense.  Many urethral sounding kits come in graduated sizes, so you can start small and work your way up.  Start with the thinnest dilator in the Ouch Urethral Sounding Dilator Set, and when you’re ready for more sensation, move up to the Screw Urethral Sounding Set, which comes in beginner and advanced! Look for a longer urethral sounds made to be soft & safe, and it will be able to reach high enough through your penis to “tickle” the prostate at the top!      

The Silicone Urethral Sound Trainer Set is a great place to start if you’re not faint of heart!

No matter which technique you use, if you find something that feels good to you, you’re very likely to have an orgasm! A P-spot based O will feel slightly different than your regular ones, so it’s a way to up the pleasure factor. Your prostate even produces its own contribution to your ejaculate, so if you can work in a prostate orgasm just before a typical penile one, you’ll be on cloud 9! Whether you engage in prostate stimulation solo or with a partner, it may take some getting used to, but it will be great once you do! There is even some evidence that engaging in regular prostate massage can help prevent prostate cancer or relieve other painful conditions like prostatitis. If that’s not a bonus, I don’t know what is!  

No matter how you choose to play, keep it clean & safe, use lube, and follow directions, and you’ll hopefully discover a whole new world of sexual pleasure a couple inches inside your rectum! 😉

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