You didn’t think we were going to let May come to an end without a post about masturbation, did you? May IS Masturbation Month, after all! It’s time to celebrate the art of self-pleasure in all its forms…but today we’re going to focus on manual masturbation (read: with your hands) for vulva owners. The possibilities are endless!
Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life for anyone, but there is a known masturbation gap between men and women; there’s a much greater stigma surrounding women talking about touching themselves, so we’re basically never taught or told how to do it. Those of us with a clitoris are just supposed to magically know how to do it, do it in secret, and never discuss it…with anyone. And let’s face it…it’s just a little more straightforward for penis owners! While the exact right way to get off through self-pleasure may come naturally to some folks with a vulva to just discover what feels good, others may appreciate having a little more guidance. Trial and error are great, but so is having an instructional manual!
Whether it’s your first time trying to touch yourself or you’re a seasoned professional looking for some tips to up your game, consider the suggestions below to be your new manual to manual pleasure. While we frequently talk about masturbation with sex toys…and there are many high-tech ones out there that can give you some mind-blowing orgasms with minimal effort, today we’re going back to basics. The methods below require little more than your own hands and fingers. So light a candle, get comfortable, get some lube ready, and let’s get down to business.
Focus on the clitoris…or around it.
The clitoris is that amazing bundle of nerve endings which most folks that have one need to stimulate to experience enough sexual pleasure to orgasm. It’s why so many women can’t reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone…the clit needs some lovin’!
You may need to pull back the clitoral hood – or front parts of the inner labia – to fully reach the full external surface of the clit. Stroke the surface of the clitoris gently, varying the levels of pressure until you find what you like. Even if you’re only playing externally, a little lube can go a long way in enhancing your sensations and sensitivity. Eliminating the friction makes every touch feel closer. If you need more info about the clitoris and how to locate it, check this out. There’s no shame in using a hand mirror to see what you’re doing down there so you can make sure that you’re in the right spot…though you should know once you touch it!
Remember that the clitoris is very sensitive, so a lot of direct pleasure applied to it may feel too intense. While “flicking the bean” is a common euphemism for masturbation, if you just jackhammer away flicking or tapping your clitoris, the sensitivity may even render sensations similar to numbness or pain. If direct touch is too much, try gently circling your fingertip around the outside of your clitoris, only closing in on it with a firmer press or gentle tapping motion when you’re close to orgasm.
While the clitoris is important for extreme pleasure, if you’re willing to work for it a little more, you can work on giving yourself a vaginal or g-spot orgasm. G-spot toys are perfectly curved for reaching this pleasure button inside your vagina, but you can do it with your fingers just as easily. Some of the pleasure experienced here is believed to be generated by stimulating some of those internal parts of the clitoris. Not everyone can reach an orgasm with g-spot stimulation alone, but hopefully it at least feels good, so there’s nothing wrong with trying it!
Use some lube and slide a finger or two inside, probably just past your 2nd knuckle. Face your palm up, and gently curl your finger in a “come hither” motion up towards your belly button. You should feel a slightly raised area that feels spongier than the surrounding tissue; this is where you want to focus your attention. Start with some gentle presses, or even stroke it from top to bottom with your fingertip. Vary the pressure and intensity, and if you like it, take it to the next level with some tapping or circling motions on that squishy spot. Take your time to try different patterns and pressure levels of touch, and you’ll be sure to find something that works for you.
Don’t focus just on the finish line.
Sure, reaching orgasm is probably your primary goal for a masturbation session, but sometimes the more you think about it, the harder it will be to reach one. Just think of your masturbation as a self-care session. Set the scene so it’s peaceful and comfortable for you, and try some mindfulness practices or visualization exercises to put yourself in the mindset for pleasure. Take your time and focus on trying different techniques and just making yourself feel good. Focusing less on your body and more on your body and the sensations you can create makes it more of a learning experience than a race to the expected finish line. An orgasm will be the natural result once you’re ready for it, and if you don’t get too hung up on the possibility of not having one.
Who says you’re limited to touching just your genitals? Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let your hands wander to other parts of your body. You may experience surprising levels of pleasure from stroking your own inner thighs, caressing your breasts or circling your nipples with your fingers, or even massaging your own shoulders or feet. Taking the time to pleasure other parts of your body can help you relax and enjoy the moment, making it easier to achieve orgasm when you’re ready. Not to mention, you may discover some new sensations you love that you can tell your partner about for some exciting new foreplay options.