Lots of couples have difficulty balancing their family life with their sex life. Family just seems to take more priority and time. It IS possible to have a healthy sex life and family life, though…you just may need a little help finding that balance.
Aaron Anderson writes: As a marriage counselor in Denver, Colorado I see a lot of couples who come to me for marriage counseling because they’re having sexual difficulties. One of the most common reasons why a couples’ sex life is struggling is because “We have kids. It’s hard to find the time or energy to get in the mood.”
Sexual intimacy is vitally important to a marriage. It creates romance, passion and spark. It’s one of the only things you share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else. It’s a special connection that only the two of you can have. When children come around, and you’re not having sex as frequently as you used to, it’s no wonder couples have marriage problems. They just stop feeling as close or connected.
There are lots of ways having children hampers your sex life. For one, many couples just don’t have the kind of time to dedicate toward each other that they used to have. Less time for dates and romance usually means less desire for sex. Second, after a long day of chauffeuring children around, cleaning up after them, making sure they have their homework done, teeth brushed, and they’re off to bed at a decent time, you just don’t feel in the mood for sex. Finally, as your children grow older — so do you. You just don’t feel as attractive as you used to, or maybe your libido starts to naturally drop off. Couples who don’t have a good sex life rarely have a good marriage, so what are some things you can do to keep your sex life rockin’ after children come knockin? Here are five quick tips:
Make time for the two of you
You have a calendar for your family so you don’t forget all the activities for your children, important birthdays, and other appointments. When was the last time you saw something on that calendar for you and your spouse? Your relationship is as much a priority as your child’s soccer practice. Put it on your calendar, don’t move it, and honor that time with them.
Reassure your spouse of your affection for them
Your body changes as you age. As a result, your spouse may not feel as attractive as they did before kids. When your spouse doesn’t feel sexy, they don’t feel as excited for sex. Reassuring your spouse of your affection helps them to feel loved, cared for, and attractive.
With children around, you don’t have as much private time in the bedroom. Don’t waste the little private time you do have on foreplay. Remember that foreplay doesn’t always have to be physical. Sending each other sexy text messages throughout the day, naughty notes in each other’s lunch boxes, and erotic emails are just as effective as physical foreplay.
With children around, sex can’t be as spontaneous as it used to be. There’s a greater risk of being interrupted. Instead of waiting until all the conditions are just right (which might take a long time), get creative about where and when to do it. Sex can still be connecting and romantic at creative times and places.
Too tired is not a good excuse
After the kids are finally in bed, you’re so exhausted that the last thing on your mind is sex. When your spouse makes an advance, you end up having a whole conversation about why you’re not in the mood and how upset you are that he would even think about sex after the kind of day you just had. Just think, you probably could have had sex and skipped the fight you just had. Besides, there are few things that help you sleep better than snuggling up with your spouse after a connecting night of sex.