Quite a bit of what you hear about sex is just flat-out untrue…yet these pervasive (and sometimes downright harmful) myths keep getting spread. What do you expect? Since it is such a taboo topic, most sex chat is shared like a whispered rumor, spread from one person to the next with details changing with every telling, like a bad game Telephone adult-style! Read on for five things about sex & sexuality that you might currently believe to be true, but turns out…they’re absolutely not!
Myth: Women & men have different “sexual peaks”
First, what would be considered a peak anyways? The thinking behind this myth is twofold – for women, the story goes that by the time a woman truly understands her body and how to make the most out of sexual pleasure, she is already in her mid-thirties. Meanwhile, guys get the stamina stereotype and are consider to peak at 18, when they could have sexual marathons without issue if they wanted to. If you truly think this is true, look at that tiny window of getting it on while the getting is good with that huge age discrepancy! To quantify the truth on this one, consider when people are having the most sex. This way, the number falls around 25 years of age for both men and women. This is still a super subjective topic, though. Sexual quality and quantity can vary greatly over the years based on everything from physiological sexual maturity to sexual compatibility between partners.
So, if that supposed to be your peak, how would you really know “when you peaked”, at least until you are officially done having sex forever? Everyone’s sex life varies drastically over time, and it’s honestly silly to try and zero in on this mythical, unquantifiable “peak”. In order to have a peak, you need some valleys, so maybe just focus on keeping it like a steady plateau, and enjoy sex as often as you can?
Myth: Length is more important than girth.
Ah, penis size – the sexual infatuation that never dies. But what if we are all looking at it wrong? Guys have been obsessing over penis size since at least the dawn of the internet; probably even before (since the dawn of the locker room, likely). When guys have these (sometimes literal) dick-measuring contests, they’re usually focusing on whose is the longest. There are even plenty of contraptions and creams for sale that promise a longer dong.
Women, on the other hand, would actually prefer an extra thick penis instead of one that hangs extra long. According to Men’s Health, 70% of women surveyed chose girth as more important than penis length. With all the sensitive and pleasurable nerve endings surrounding and inside the vagina, such as the g-spot, a wider penis is more likely to make contact. This leads to more stimulation, which leads to more sexual pleasure! Curious to find out what the perfect girth is for you? Check out some of these realistic dildos – they come in a range of sizes that should satisfy everyone’s preferences. Alternatively, if you’re looking to add some girth to your member, check out this sleeve.
Myth: Your partner should always put you “in the mood”.
The old saying, ‘if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself’ kind of applies here. Consistently waiting on your partner to turn you on can be problematic, especially if you have mismatched sex drives. Everyone should be able to light that fire of desire on their own! Get to know your own body, and what turns you on, then make it happen for yourself; your partner can enjoy the effects, too, if you invite them! The ability to self-stimulate and self-satisfy are important to a healthy and complete sex life.
Yes, taking initiative can be a sexy turn-on all on its own. It can be hot when your partner tells you exactly what they want, but you should still be able to get yourself in the mood. Be a ‘self starter’ in the bedroom, and use this to initiate sex now and then; we promise your partner will take notice! There are books that can help get you started in learning to express yourself and what you want sexually. You know best (or will learn quickly) what turns you on. Whether it’s starting out wearing something you find sexy, touching yourself, or using a sex toy, it will help the passion burn inside you. Then just use that ability to your advantage; the lust should come pouring out when making love with your partner!
Myth: Sex is no fun without a fetish.
We as humans have so many micro-obsessions. From how many steps we take in a day, to how many grams of protein we eat, to what exactly turns us on, in what position, and with what up our butt. Well, maybe not everyone has that last obsession, but it’s totally common and normal if you do! All of this focusing on one tiny thing can take us away from focusing on the big picture, and that is simply doing what keeps you healthy and active. What you eat needs a whole profile of nutrients, it’s not healthy to focus on just one type of food. Counting your steps may take away from doing activities that get you that physical activity naturally but is more rewarding or exciting.
Similarly, when it comes to sex, some people get obsessed with something to the point that they feel like they can’t get off without focusing on it. We call this a fetish, and while there’s nothing wrong with having one (or seven), it can be unhealthy to obsess about them. Remember that there are plenty of ways to get aroused; don’t pigeonhole yourself or your partner into doing the same thing, the same way, all the time. That leads to the dreaded routine, which is a notorious murderer of great sex lives. Of course it can be fun to live out a fantasy wearing those sexy high heels that give you a feeling of power over your partner, or you might really want to include that certain toy every time you and your partner have sex; just remember that you should still be able to initiate and enjoy sex when the toy isn’t near and the shoes aren’t on. People with normal and healthy sex lives should be able to get it on anytime, anywhere, without specific props or the conditions needing to be just right.
Myth: Oral sex isn’t “real sex”…
Or anal sex. Or strap-on sex. Or any other nonsense version of this myth you’ve heard, and it’s probably the biggest crock of BS on this list! This is the one where people claim that anything other than heteronormative, penis-in-vagina ‘health class’ sexual intercourse doesn’t actually “count as sex”, which is frankly ridiculous. It can be a very harmful and limiting viewpoint to take, for your own sex life, and that of others. When you spread this myth, you’re not only implying that there’s only “one right way” to do things sexually; if this is truly your belief, that would mean a whole lot of queer people have never “had sex”, and that’s obviously bollocks.
Oral sex is sex. Anal sex is sex. P in V sex is sex. Sex with a strap-on is sex. Anything two consenting adults do that involves using any parts of their bodies (or objects) to give and experience pleasure is sex. Open your mind and improve your sexual vocabulary, and you’ll open a world of possibilities; not only for your own sexual enjoyment, but for the acceptance and support of what others enjoy sexually, as well. Sex isn’t math – there’s a lot more than one way to get it right!