Men: Embrace Your Swagger in the Sack

by Christopher J.

June 17, 2022


Men, when you’ve got it, you know it. If you’ve got it good, your partner will know it. Daily. In and out of the sack. In fact, everyone will know it. No, we’re not talking about your penis (this time). We’re talking about swagger.

A woman can see it when you enter a room. The way you dress, the way you walk through the room. The way you engage with other people, men or women, at a business dinner or at a casual neighborhood block party. The way others lean in to chat with you or lean back to laugh at your jokes. But you don’t have to be Cary Grant or Daniel Craig to exude your own brand of charm, charisma, and swagger.

Another word for swagger is confidence. When it’s healthy, it shows. It grows. You can make everyone else around you more confident knowing that they’re in the presence of a man with swagger. Confident in his work, his career, his home life, and yes…his sex life. Presenting yourself confidently

Now, you don’t need to go all Neanderthal, either, and scape your knuckles on the ground or grunt loudly while you eat meat without utensils or drag your partner into the bedroom by her hair kicking and screaming. Okay, the first two maybe for fun or to get a laugh. The third? That’s a never-ever never. No fun for anyone.

“Simply put, bravado gets the girl,” wrote Kristina Grish and Ondrea Barbe in “9 Easy, Effective Ways to be More Confident” for Men’s Health. “So if you want to be more attractive to women, show your swagger. But not by pounding your chest or picking a fight with the drunk at the end of the bar.”

True, another way to say it is that self-confidence is extremely sexy in a swagger way to a woman.

“The desire is evolutionary,” says R. Don Steele, author of Body Language Secrets: A Guide during Courtship and Dating. “Females want someone who’s not going to run from a fight, a man who is confident in his ability to provide and protect.” Just save your inner animal for the bedroom, not the barroom.

Remember, too, that fun provides a huge foundation for swagger. You need to be willing to engage in all sorts of “play” and relaxed enough to share moments of laughter with your partner. Anything you can do to make your partner smile and laugh on a regular basis is especially important. No, we’re not talking stand-up comedy routines at breakfast. You don’t need to be James Corden, Kevin Hart, or Jimmy Fallon, either, though they do provide good role models by how they dress, carry themselves with confidence, and savor a good laugh.

If you want to sweeten your swagger through enhancing your sense of fun, simply try to find ways to bring smiles, pleasure, and enjoyment to her life whenever the opportunity is natural and honest. The easiest way to do that is to know what she finds funny, what topics she is most engaged by, what tickles her funny bone. That way you can drop an appropriate joke on her that you’ve heard or read, send her silly memes to brighten her bad day, or select a good rom-com to take her to on a Saturday night.

Now let’s break down a few of the other key fundamental elements of swagger and how you can boost yours by consciously embracing your naturally appealing features and personality traits.

How to Dress:

How you present yourself to the world on the outside does play a part in how you feel about yourself on the inside. When it comes to being confident in your clothing, Ashley Rothschild, a Los Angeles-based image consultant, suggests men emulate the look of a successful public man in their business arena. She also believes most men look hot in a leather jacket. It’s a classic masculine look. Just ask Tom Cruise, who recently reemerged in his iconic leather pilot’s jacket in Top Gun 2.

It’s okay to put a little extra effort and energy into thinking about how you dress and what it projects about you. That includes considering details all the way down to your sexy unmentionables. Your basic everyday boxers or tighty-whities may be practical, but how crazy would you drive your partner if you embraced your sexual swagger with a skimpy Sport Thong or a barely-there boxer made to enhance your junk? The details tiniest details make a difference when it comes to how you feel about yourself and how it makes you carry yourself.

How to Walk:

Remember to slow down a bit when you’re striding along your way. “Confident people are not in a hurry,” says Steele. “But there’s a difference between meandering and walking slowly with purpose. Always walk as if you know what you’re doing and where you’re going.”

How to be your Best in Bed:

According to Aaron Ben-Zeev, Ph.D. in his 2020 article “What Makes a Man Good in Bed” in Psychology Today, being good in bed requires two central qualities: Knowledge-based Technique and Emotion-based Intimacy.

“Knowledge-based Technique refers to physical factors such as when, how, and where to touch your partner, as well as mental factors, such as when, how, and what to say to your partner,” he says. “A good technique enables men to wait with their ejaculation until the woman climaxes, or even to withhold it for a long time, thereby enabling continuous penetration for as long as many hours.”

Whether it’s dirty or sexy or inquiring, talk to your partner. Communication is at the heart of any great sexual relationship. Pay undivided attention to your partner. Make her pleasure your primary objective of your ecstatic rolls in the hay. The more fun she has, the more fun you’ll have. So put her orgasm above all else, including your own O moment. She’ll reward you with plenty of “you time” when it’s your turn.

Being vocal carries a strong message of confidence, too. “You can ask your partner to touch you or pleasure you in certain ways,” advised the SWAGGER magazine staff in a 2019 article, “4 Tips for Men in Bed”. “This can at first seem dull and too frank, but they are going to be delighted to do what you want, especially if you guide them through or give them details. Whispering close to their ear will help in heating up the atmosphere. When whispering close to their ear, make sure they can feel the breath and moisture from your mouth. This can be even better if there is dirty talk. This is very effective when used as an anticipator.”

How to be Intimate:

This brings us back to the absolutely essential piece of emotional intimacy. There’s a lot to be said about self- and sexual confidence, but sensitivity is a big part of a man’s attractiveness and intimate availability, too.

“Profound intimacy discerns between good romantic sex and mechanical sex that it is too good,” Ben-Zeev says. “Studies indicate that investing time before, during, and after the sexual encounter enhances intimacy and the romantic bond. There is indeed a correlation between the relationship quality and temporal factors, like the duration of courtship, time invested in the sexual encounter, and the duration of intimate activities after the encounter.” Simply stated, the more time you invest in really getting to know your partner on an emotional level, the closer you’ll feel and the better your sex (and your swagger) will become!

After all, there’s nothing like mind-staggering sex with your partner to bolster your swaggering!

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