1. Be in the moment: With everything going on right now, our bodies and brains are in a state of overdrive. Whether you are working on the front lines or just doing your part by staying home and social distancing, we are all experiencing this pandemic as a trauma because it is so scary, and so different from what is typical. Everyone processes trauma differently, but a common side effect is anxiety, racing thoughts, or a constant feeling of being “on edge”. Sex during this time should be therapeutic and relaxing; a welcome break from the daily grind of news and monotony. The happy hormones produced by our bodies during the act will affect us more positively and help us regulate our moods better IF we can stay in the moment. The key to hitting the mute button on intrusive thoughts and just enjoying sex is to tune in sensually as much as possible. Switch your five senses into high gear, and just really pay attention to and savor the scent of your lover’s skin and breath, the feel of their skin and warmth of their touch, the way they look at you in the dark, the little sounds they make to guide the way, and of course, the friction and the internal feelings of elation as your genitals rub together and hit all the right spots.
2. Change up the Scenery: We’re probably all a little sick of ALL the rooms in our houses at this point, but that doesn’t mean you always have to have sex within the same four walls as you usually do. Switch it up a bit and try the rooms without your bed in them! We’re all doing extra cleaning anyways now, right? So, now may be the perfect time to fulfill that fantasy of going at it on the kitchen counter. Or on the living room floor! Spread out some cushy comforters and blankets, dim the lights (or not!) and go to town! Do you have a guest room? As long as it’s not occupied by an in-law that’s quarantined with you (I’m sorry), go for it! Have the old college futon chilling in a corner of the basement? Why not? Make it special with some freshly cleaned sheets and glowy scented candles or great-smelling incense and you may just find a new favorite sex spot in your own home! Heck, you can even try a different location every time! Speaking of “every time”…
3. Make Time for It: While it may seem super awkward to “schedule” your sexual encounters with your partner, it’s important to at least plan for certain days you’re for sure going to do it. We’re all under lots of extra emotional stress, and schedules and routines have all but gone out the window. There’s a possibility that most days, neither you nor your lover will “feel like it”, so you may not otherwise bother to initiate a roll in the hay. But if you have time for sex penciled in on your planner next to your phone conferences and Zoom meetings with friends, that will make you at least bring it up on those dates, and help you remember to make an effort. Check the mood in the room, but just remember that a great bout between the sheets will actually improve your moods and help you bond more as a couple. So sit down with a calendar and choose your days, as weird as it may seem. And hey, any additional days you wind up making love in between are just happy little bonuses!
4. Keep it Sweet: With all the aforementioned trauma, stress, and anxiety related to the pandemic, this may be the time to keep your lovemaking simple and tender. View it as the ultimate bonding activity with your partner, and also as a time to de-stress from the worries of the day and just express your love for each other. While you may normally be into lots of roleplay, BDSM, or other kinky fetishes, try your hand at just having really gentle, loving, tender sessions right now. Cuddle and kiss a lot before and after, focus on keeping your bodies close, and then fall asleep holding hands. It may seem pretty vanilla compared to what you’re used to, but your overburdened brain will appreciate the change of pace.
5. Make Sure You’re Being SAFE: I saved this one for last, but it is definitely not least. In fact, it may be the most important aspect to think about, but it can be kind of a buzzkill…but here we go: It is more important than ever to practice safe sex. This means, among other things, no new partners right now (you should only be sleeping with the person you live with…if you’re quarantined alone, tune in this weekend for “Self-Love for Self-Isolation”…we all have needs!) Don’t engage in any wild sex acts that could cause injuries…you do NOT want to have to go to an emergency room right now! Take care to clean yourselves well after sex, too, with soap and water, as you don’t want any sexual or urinary infections right now that would require medical treatment. As for the virus itself, obviously take care to limit your own exposure, practice good hand and home hygiene, and stay in open communication with your partner about where you’ve been and who you have been around. If you think you’ve been exposed, and especially if you start exhibiting ANY symptoms, you need to quarantine yourself to one room of the house and should NOT be having sex until you’ve gotten the all clear from a doctor, whether you can get tested for COVID-19 or not. Any romantic or sexual contact is obviously close enough to spread the virus, so if you might have it, take care not to share! Oh, and unless you have a weird, strong desire to become an expectant parent during a global pandemic, make sure to use condoms or other reliable forms of BC religiously right now! There will for sure be a wave of children born nine months from now, but you know how to prevent it if you don’t want to contribute to the generation known as The Coronials. 😉
Stay home, Stay safe, Stay sexy, Stay in love! <3
Yours,
~The Intimacy Advisor
