The Power of Touch

by Kristin T.

November 1, 2021


Couple’s massage, erotic massage, intimate massage, sensual massage.  Call it what you prefer, but it always has the same purpose:  Touch your partner’s body until they are sighing with relief, relaxation…and desire.  Massage can act as a form of foreplay, or if you’re not in the mood for sex, it can be a standalone intimate act that will still bring a lot of pleasure.  Ideally, partners will take turns and both get skin time out of just one session, but it’s a great way to treat a lover, too, if you just want to focus on them.  Especially with most states under stay at home orders presently, and many who normally would unable to get a professional massage from a licensed massage therapist, now’s a better time than any to learn some massage tips and tricks to try with your partner!  

Tip #1:  Let their body be your guide.

If you’re trying intimate massage with your partner for the first time, it’s important to communicate with them.  Ask them where they would most like you to massage first and start there…mine is always shoulders and upper back, but everyone is different!  Apply moderate pressure as you gently compress the muscles in that area with the palms of your hands, and ask how that feels.  Adjust the pressure or location accordingly, and try new techniques as they seem to fit.  Long, firm strokes with your whole hand are a good way to cover a lot of territory at the beginning.  Even if you’re not a professional, you may see that you’re able to “read their body” with your hands.  Pay attention for any areas of muscle that feel tighter than those around them or feel very firm…those lovely things we call “knots” can happen anywhere due to tension and stress.  Gently work those areas by pressing with the heels of your hands, or a soft kneading action with your thumbs.  If anything you do causes your partner pain, STOP!  The massage should be therapeutic, but still relaxing and romantic…leave the deep tissue work to the pros!  Once you get a flow going, you should see that what to do next comes pretty naturally.  If you want to study up to enhance your massage skills, check out the book, Erotic Massage For Couples.  YouTube has a plethora of beginner massage demonstration and teaching videos as well!  Don’t overthink it, though…just give your lover what feels good to them!  

Keep it chill at first, and talk about your desires!

Let their sighs guide you to the right spots and the right touches.  You want them to feel pleasure more than pain, relaxation more than tension, and comfort more than discomfort or shyness.  On that note, make sure to ask them if there are any areas they do NOT want you to massage.  Some people have ticklish spots, sensitivities, or areas that they just don’t like to have touched, and you don’t want to ruin the mood by touching them there.  Be relaxed, casual, and communicative with each other at first.  Once you’ve gotten them to their state of bliss, you can turn on the moves to turn up the heat!    

Tip #2:  Use massage lotion or oil.

Just like lube is important for the best sex possible, using a good quality lotion or oil is essential for your romantic massage.  Trying to perform smooth, relaxing strokes down your partners back, neck, or limbs without lotion or oil is a bit like trying to drag a heavy cardboard box on a sidewalk…if you’ve ever helped a friend move, you know it just doesn’t work!  You want your hands to glide smoothly over their body; not stick, tug, and pull their skin.  Minimal clothes are ideal for this scenario, so you can reach everything AND not get things oily.  Just remember when using any massage oil or lotion that a little bit (usually) goes a long way.  Start with a dime-size dollop in your hand and increase from there as needed…you can always add more, but you can’t take it away easily if you get too much.  Then you’re just left with a slippery mess!  

Heat things up & smooth things out with massage oil.

Lover’s Lane carries lots of choices that are perfect for your next erotic massage.  Add some sensation play to the mix with a warming oil (mix the Sweet Almond Massage Oil with a little bit of the aphrodisiac warming oil from the Shunga Sweet Kisses collection for the ultimate tasty treat!), or a candle that melts into massage oil.  Burn the candle for awhile to create a soothing ambiance and a nice scent in the room, then drizzle the melted oil into your hand before rubbing it into your lover’s skin.  You can always kiss, breathe, or blow on an area to increase the warming sensation…and the tingles up their spine!  Most of our massage oils and lotions are kissable and smell really good, too!  Let the benefits of aromatherapy from Intimate Earth massage oils dazzle your senses without an overpowering scent, and just relax and enjoy.      

Tip #3:  Tease, Tantalize, & Turn Up the Intensity

As mentioned earlier, an erotic massage can absolutely be a rewarding intimate experience all on its own.  Initiating a massage by rubbing or touching your partner’s favorite areas can also be a way of saying, “I want your body” without just coming out and saying it.  That being said, a lot of couples like their massage time to transition into time between the sheets. When you’re ready to make that happen, simply start to seduce your lover like there’s no tomorrow.  You’re already naked, ideally, so things will go quickly.  Start by massaging their calves or outer thighs, then work your way to the inside of their thighs and closer to their genitals, teasing with quick, brushing strokes until they pull you closer for more.  You can also send them over the moon with gentle touches to their favorite erogenous zones.  Don’t forget the neck, ears, and upper back, right on the spine.  Gentle kisses, licks, and blowing on these areas followed by whispers of sweet nothings will have your lover begging for more pleasure in no time!  

Ready to play is just a whisper away!

This can also be a good time to introduce toys and tools to your massage and your sex.  While your hands are the best at sensing what your lover’s body needs, they can get a little help from massage tools like the Fuzu Massage ball or the Jimmy Jane Contour Ceramic Massage Stone.  These tools can help you work out muscle knots with ease.  Heat is good for relaxing muscles as well…a perfect job for the Lover’s Lane Heart Warmer Massager….and you get one free with any $75+ purchase in the month of May!  Vibrating massage toys can help relax tight muscles in the shoulders, back, and legs as well.  Ladies, those wands are called personal massagers for a reason. They’re not just for your lady bits, though they are great for that, too!  Guys, don’t be intimidated by them, either!  Involve them in your massage and your foreplay for a buzzy bonus that will leave you both feeling too good for words.  

Tip #4:  Aftercare for the Afterglow

Alright, you’ve had your amazing mutual massages and hopefully mutual explosive orgasms…it’s time for the afterglow.  Just continuing to cuddle, caress, and hold your lover like you normally would after sex will keep that oxytocin pumping and make you both feel incredibly bonded and in love.  Continue that closeness by showering together!  You’re probably both pretty coated in massage oil or lotion that you will need to wash off, and the warm water will help finish relaxing those tense muscles, preventing any soreness the next day.  

Couples who rub together should scrub together.

Just like your massage therapist would tell you, make sure you drink lots of water after your massage, too.  Even gentle, romantic massage releases lactic acid that has been built up in your tight muscles, and drinking plenty of water will help flush that from your system so you don’t wind up with a massage hangover!  Clean your toys, slip into something silky and comfortable, and continue to snuggle those blues away under the covers.  Yes, it’s a little extra work, but it’s so worth it for your sexual and emotional well-being!  I have a feeling you will be adding erotic massage to your bedroom routine much more frequently!    

May you and yours continue to stay safe and healthy, and continue to enjoy the power of touch from the comfort of your home.  Love on, lovers!


~The Intimacy Advisor <3

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