‘Tis the season to make New Year’s resolutions! This year, however, we want everyone to make resolutions that they will keep, and more importantly, that they will fully enjoy! So, while we agree that resolving to lose weight or quit smoking, or continuing to deny yourself those decaf lattes you love for another year so you can finish saving for that bucket list goal of scuba diving in Bora Bora are all admirable challenges, we have something even more sustainable in mind! This year, why not make a serious effort and commitment to improving your sex life?
Not only should it be on your New Year’s Honey-Do List, but it should stand as A, No. 1, first, at the very top of your Resolutions to Be More Randy in 2023.
Why choose to deprive yourself of things you enjoy – maybe including some that you really enjoy but aren’t good for you – and then stop pursuing those resolutions by the end of February? Why not emphasize pleasure to reinforce good habits that you will continue indefinitely? Think of ceasing smoking or dining on donuts as a way to make yourself healthier and fitter so you can have better, more memorable, earth-shattering sex!
Here is some excellent and spot on advice from David Wahl, Ph.D., from his December 2020 Psychology Today article “How Pleasure May Help You Keep Your New Year’s Resolution.”
“One type of resolution that sustains motivation, betters yourself, and may be easier to keep is a resolution based on your sexual pleasure,” he says. “Yes, you have every right to make a promise that allows you to increase sexual pleasure in your life. Once you recognize that you deserve to be sexually satisfied, the resolution writes itself. Even if you are already sexually satisfied, there’s always another level you can attempt to achieve. Make yourself a new year’s sexual resolution, and make that sexual resolution as lofty and adventurous as you desire.”
Wahl goes on to list five “psychological and somatic reasons” why sexual New Year’s resolutions are more likely to succeed than to go the way of, well, last New Year’s resolutions:
1) Locking into new pleasures can be done as a short-term goal, which is more likely to succeed than a long-term goal. “Thereby meeting a goal that can promptly set up another short-term goal that keeps the resolution progressing into the new year,” he says.
2) “Simply put: Pleasure has value,” Wahl states. He gives a perfect example of something simple you can do: “Go out and buy that luxurious sex toy you’ve withheld from yourself. There’s not a single thing wrong with pleasuring yourself — remember that when you make your resolution.”
3) To significantly increase your chances of succeeding with sexual pleasure objectives, involve a romantic partner in the resolution. “Maybe even make a resolution together to try a new position, be more sexually open with one another, reveal a new fantasy, or try something new you’ve both been curious about,” he suggests. Involving your partner multiplies the pleasure and the likelihood of it sticking. Or being stickier. Or both.
4) “With sexual pleasure, results can be immediate,” Wahl points out. Unlike a diet that can take weeks or months to shed the pounds, “You can pleasure yourself every day — several times in a day, even.” That’s a goal everyone can actively and happily pursue.
5) Last but certainly not least, Wahl gets to the heart of the matter: “Sexual resolutions are not without motivation. Pleasure, in and of itself, is a motivator.”
To reemphasize the sweet aspect of engaging a partner in this intimate endeavor, says sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman in her article “7 Sex Resolutions For Couples To Make Together” on mindbodygreen.com.
She says of the key advantages: “Setting some resolutions together as a couple is a great way to put your relationship first again in order to build up a lot of positive capital in the ‘relationship bank,’ address any dormant challenges that have been quietly gathering dust under the rug, and continue to strengthen your partnership.”
Taking this approach together, she advises, should include creating time for your relationship, committing to a new level of honesty, sharpening your communication skills, reconsidering your boundaries, and sharing your sexual fantasies. It also reinforces the fact that you are each other’s biggest advocates, and the indelible truth that your relationship is something that you should celebrate and be grateful for because of the many benefits and joys you reap together from your relationship.
“Science shows [being appreciative] is a big factor in our experience of happiness,” Zimmerman says. “Resolve to practice gratitude together this year.”
Finally, before you break out the champagne, bonbons, and fireworks, consider this innovative study from last year that proposes the idea that there’s more to powerful sex than Kama Sutra positions or unabated ardor.
“Far from what films and TV shows might tell us, truly magnificent sex has very little to do with daring feats of seduction or screaming orgasms,” says Alexandra Jones of the study in her November 2021 article in The Guardian about the study. “In fact, according to the latest research, erotic intimacy is more a state of mind than a physical act.”
Titled Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers, the book by psychologist and sex therapist Peggy J. Kleinplatz, Ph.D., and her colleagues at Ottawa University in Canada is “based on the largest, in-depth interview study ever conducted with people who are having extraordinary sex.”
The study not only obtained these tips and recommendations for exceptional sex practices from successful lovers, but it distills them “into an attainable blueprint for ordinary lovers who want to make erotic intimacy grow over the course of a lifetime,” according to the book’s synopsis.
So we recommend adding Magnificent Sex to your private couples reading list for 2023, so that you can share memorable content discussions as foreplay. Then practice some magnificent sex of your own so that you might contribute your sexy experiences and insights to volume 2. You can also check out tons of other books on any sexy subject you may want to explore. Don’t forget to let your friends at Lover’s Lane stores help you resolve to Play Together, this year and beyond!
