Time Travel into Tantric Sex

by Christopher J.

March 22, 2024


You’ve likely heard the words “Tantric sex” before. You’ve also heard the myths about hours-long lovemaking sessions supposedly achieved through Tantric sex. But you still have no real idea what it actually means or the philosophy behind it. You are, however, very interested in learning more about the ancient sensual art of Tantric sex. Lucky for you, I got to sit down with a knowledgeable and experienced Tantra coach who provided the answers to all your juiciest questions…even the ones you didn’t know you had!

For Tasneem Hamdani, a Tantra educator and sexuality coach in North Goa, India, the Western school of Tantra, also known as Neotantra, is focused around sacred sexuality. It is about connecting to sexuality in a way that we are able to see the divinity in ourselves and each other through the act of sacred union.

“Tantra is the channelizing of sexual energy into the heart so that it becomes fuel for our spiritual growth,” says Tasneem, who is also an expert in Eastern Tantra, which is more traditional and more about Eastern rituals and practices. Neotantra or Western Tantra “is about the paths that lead us toward self-realization, which are usually centered around energy or breath or our senses which are all of beautiful ways for us to be fully human, fully in our bodies.”

Finding self-realization. Tasneem explains, does not occur by “renouncing the body or renouncing the worldly pleasures or our senses. Instead, it is through going deep into the senses that we come out on the other side when our senses become a portal to the divine.”

Some of the ways that people can take these paths that also better prepare us to experience and benefit from Tantric sex are practices such as breath exercises, yoga and meditation. By having a heightened awareness of breath and body movement, for example, people will also heighten their sexual experiences through Tantric sex.

For the specific purposes of exploring Tantric sex, says Tasneem, who is also known as the Traveling Tantrika because of her teaching and coaching practices throughout India, the U.S. and the world, Tantric sex can be a solo practice, but it is particularly ideal for people who are willing to do it in partnership with a significant other, which enables them to go much deeper in their exploration of Tantric sex.

“Relationships are like mirrors: they show us everything about ourselves,” she says. “So if you are on the path to self-inquiry, bring your mirror along, and they can help you. It becomes much easier when you are learning together, rather than one partner learning and then trying to teach the other partner, because we don’t want our partners to be our teachers or our students. We want our partners to be our lovers, so it’s very helpful to learn together, rather than one being on a different path.”

At this point, it’s important that we dispel the most common and enduring myth about Tantric sex and replace it with the truth, which is even more beautiful and engaging. You need to know that Tantric sex is not about being able to sustain hours of penetrative sex and ejaculation for men.

“It’s actually this act of coming together in union creating continuous sexual energy, channelizing it through the entire body, through the heart, and then coming back and just staying in this sexual energy flowing for hours,” Tasneem explains. “That’s what Tantrics do for hours, so that’s what Tantric sex is.”

“It’s the entire process of creation of sexual energy and channelizing it and then through the eyes, through the breath, through out connections we are transferring this energy into each other,” she says. “That turns us on more so that there’s more sexual energy created. This loop keeps going which is hours of energy that we are generating. If we can do that without ejaculating all of that energy goes back into the body, and then that’s fuel for regeneration.”

If you want to fully enjoy all of the benefits of Tantric sex, you need to make a serious commitment to studying the practice. It is not about different sexual positions or techniques (you may be thinking about the Kama Sutra, which is more about that but not just about that, either), but rather how you approach engaging in sex with your partner. Tasneem advises that you start by doing two things:

  1. Do your research and make sure that the source – the instructor or coach, the book, the website – is credible and the person has authentic training and backgrounds in Tantra.
  2. Trust your intuition. Trust your body and what makes you feel open. “Trust where you feel that your boundaries are being honored, where you feel a resonance, and energy or a magnetic pull towards a facilitator or training,” Tasneem says. “That is your body telling you what is good for you and what you might enjoy.”

To learn more about Tantra, Tasneem recommends reading books such as Desire: The Tantric Path to Awakening by Daniel Odier. She also recommends three training programs: The Source School of Tantra Yoga in California; The Tantra Institute in New York; and The International School of Temple Arts in Arizona. You can also attend one of the Awaken As Love festivals.

Additionally, Tasneem says it helps to study the chakra system featured in this diagram. That, however, will best be performed by doing your research and working with an instructor through a training program or a workshop.

Curious about what Tantric sex can do for you? Tasneem also offers an easy way for couples to experience some of the basics of Tantric sex on a simple level, even before studying it in depth.

First find a good time to come together. Set the ambiance in a comfortable space with soft lighting, scented candles or incense, and beautiful music that is relaxing to you. The space should “turn on your senses and really sooth and delight your senses,” Tasneem says.

Next, assume what is known as the Yab-yum posture (pictured with the statue above), where you are seated across from each other facing each other, with one partner sitting cross-legged while the other one sits in their partner’s lap with their ankles wrapped behind their partner’s back. This is an idea way to connect chakra to chakra. Start to feel each other’s breaths and try to harmonize your breathing.

Then gaze into each other’s eyes with full presence. Lightly touch each other, perhaps starting with your brow chakras.

“You want to create a beautiful, what we call ‘a container’, for tantric practice and come together in a way that you are very grounded together…and breathing together can be a beautiful practice as a starting point for couples,” Tasneem concludes. If you’re curious about Tantric sex as a tool for strengthening your union with your partner or deepening your intimacy, try this starter activity and see if it leaves you longing for more.

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