You’ve acquired a sizable collection of sexy adult toys and erotic accessories over the years. It’s so sizable and so well-used that you can’t even remember how many “OH GOD!” moments you’ve had together. But didn’t Mom (or Grandma) always say that “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”? If your toys have helped you see God, isn’t it time for cleanliness? And isn’t spring the time of year for SPRING CLEANING? The season isn’t just for birds, buds, flowers and other Hallmark moments. Mom would clean everything that wasn’t nailed to the floor. Now it’s your turn: time to deep clean your collection of dildos & vibrators, and make sure your lubes and lotions aren’t expired.
Check Your Sex Toys
You’ve likely got all sorts of sex toys. Some you’ve had for years. They’re like old friends who’ve seen you through good times and bad, but it may be time to harden your heart and get rid of some. Take a close look. Toss any toys that have become sticky or tacky over the years. That means the surface is breaking down, and tiny cracks and imperfections on the surface can harbor bacteria that you don’t want anywhere near your happy bits. Anything that has an unusual smell should also disappear. An “off” smell could mean that germs have already established a stronghold: get rid of it! Now clean everything that’s left with an anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner to eliminate any residual unpleasantness. There are many different toy cleaners on the market, but two of the best out there are Wicked Foam Toy Cleaner and Intimate Earth Green Cleaner Spray. You should continue to use these cleaners to thoroughly clean your toys after every time you use them, and before, too, if they’ve gotten dusty. Rinsing is never good enough for anything that goes all up in your business.
As a practical hint, wrap all the outbound toys securely in a couple of layers of plastic bags (and not the see-through kind). You don’t want the garbage person finding that 30-inch double-ended dildo…
Check Your Batteries and Cables
Be sure to check battery condition on any removeable battery-operated toys. Toys shouldn’t be stored for any length of time with batteries in place. Chemical leakage can destroy the batteries, and damage the toy itself. Check batteries carefully for leakage – and look out because that white crusty stuff (no, not THAT stuff) is caustic and can burn skin or eyes. Put used and corroded batteries in a sealed plastic bag, and dispose of them in your municipal recycling facility Likewise, toss any toys that show damage from corrosion or an excess accumulation of grey/white caustic crust.
Check your Lubes, Oils and Lotions
Just like some of those scary things that have been in the back of your fridge for years, Lubes and lotions can go “off” if they’re left unused for too long. Some may crystallize, others may separate into their constituent compounds, still others may thicken to the point of being unusable. Have no mercy! Anything that appears bad probably is. Don’t take the chance. Just toss them and replace them. Look for expiry dates and throw out anything that’s gone past its “Best By” limit. Be especially careful with things that have sat in your bedside table or bathroom cupboard for a lengthy time – especially if you’re dealing with “edible” oils or lotions. They can harbor bacteria as well. If consumed accidentally, they can sicken you pretty horribly. When you put everything back, avoid putting lubes and lotions in the bathroom cabinet where temperature changes and humidity can affect toys and lube for the worse. The nightstand is a much better choice.
Keep It All Nice and Tidy
Now that all your toys are squeaky clean, and you’ve inspected all your lotions and lubricants, consider getting a nice storage box or bag to keep everything in. Several of the toy manufacturers produce storage choices (some with locks, some without) such as The Pleasure Purse – but if you really want to make a statement go to a big-box hardware store and pick up a mucho macho tool box like this one: BIG Toolbox. And as a closing comment, don’t forget that when you put your toys away in storage (especially silicone and latex toys) put them away in separate storage bags before you stow them. If you leave them in contact with each other, they will tend to stick and melt together, which will ruin your toys. Many of the toy manufacturers provide bags with your purchase, but if not, please consider Individual Toy Storage Bags
A Final Suggestion
Too much work and hassle inspecting and cleaning everything? Would you rather just collapse on the couch and watch old Murder She Wrote reruns? There’s an option for that as well. Throw out the entire collection, then come on down to any Ambiance location, or shop online, where you’ll find a great selection of the latest romantic technology, slippery lubes, & tasty lotions!
