POSTED ON October 5, 2018
I've seen a lot of articles like "Best Sex Positions for Women" or "Top 10 Ways to Make Her Orgasm" but none of them really seemed to be an all inclusive "how to" guide. It's because there's more to intimacy than sex, and more to sex than orgasms that I decided to bring you all my knowledge on how to pleasure your woman and imbue more passion into your life!
Arouse Her Emotionally
Female pleasure actually begins before the very first touch, or before the first article of clothing is even taken off. Unlike how male sexuality and pleasure is focused almost entirely on the penis, female sexuality is a whole body experience. Women can get stimulated from a lot of different kinds of touch, but you have to know what works best for your partner. There's one kind of touch that almost all men are unaware of, the emotional touch. Be flirty and fun, just because you know your significant other likes and loves you doesn't mean you can stop trying to earn their love. Don't stop chasing them just because you're in a relationship. If anything, you should probably be more loving, compassionate, and playful long after you get married than when you started the relationship. So figure out what makes her smile. Does she like dirty talk? Does she like to be touched on the small of her back? What about neck kisses? Or maybe there's that one chore or that one errand she really can't stand. Don't worry, we're not done talking about communication.
Talk & Listen
We've said it before, and guess what? We're going to say it again. Communication is absolutely vital to sustaining a healthy long lasting relationship. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango" but if you don't talk about it you fall over, and no one really wants to take a spill on the dance floor, so why do it in the bedroom? Ask her what her favorite places to be touched are. Does she like a firm grasp or a gentle caress? Actively listen and converse with her about what kind of orgasms she enjoys or wants the most. How deep does she prefer the penetration? Does she want you to stimulate her nipples or clitoris? Maybe it's one then the other. Does she like having her hair pulled or does she want to be gently kissed during sex? You will never know if you don't ask. Does she want to strip for you or does she want to watch you strip? Or even better, does she want you to strip her?
Direct Clitoral Stimulation
It's widely known that most women do not orgasm solely from sex, in fact it actually comes out to 72%. Now sex toys can be an amazing way to help your partner climax, but for everyone who wants to learn how to do it themselves, then listen up. In addition to the two above topics, one of best things you can do is focus on the clitoris. Now, that doesn't mean you immediately go for the clit once your partner is naked, or at least partially so. I know this might sound counter intuitive, but the more blood flow you can get to the vaginal area the better the stimulation will be. Take things slow. Massage her upper body and kiss your way down below the belt. Then it's showtime, so start
Going Down like a Sexpert
Unlike breasts, the clitoris is not exposed and actually about the size of a pea. If you know what you're doing, it's not that hard to stimulate and help her have a jaw dropping time. It's one of those things you need to know how to do and do well if you want to be good in bed. I hope most of you know where the clit is, but for those of you needing a refresher, it's above the vagina and urethra but below the major lip and underneath the foreskin sometimes called the clitoral hood. Exposing the clitoris is just like checking on your car, you start with raising the hood. This is easily done with the age old trick of using your middle and pointer finger to make a "V" and press up to expose the little pleasure nub. Now you've come to the important part, the pleasuring. Similar to sex positions, there's tons of different ways to stimulate her. One of the most well known time honored traditions of female pleasuring is licking the alphabet into her clit. That's right, you start with A and there's no slowing down till you get to Z. Speed up the further down the alphabet you get to maximize her pleasure. There's also up and down, side to side, circular, and sucking on the clit is a good way to expose it and bring massive pleasure.
Ever hear the phrase "A jack of all trades is a master of none, though often times better than a master of one?" This totally applies to the bedroom. Your partner will have an immensely better time if you're good at a lot of different aspects of sex and intimacy rather than if you were the best at just one. This is because only one act or part of the body can produce so much pleasure but if you're able to effectively stimulate multiple areas then your partner is going to have a much better time, especially if you can pleasure numerous areas all at once. This is why a lot of people rub the clit or massage the breasts during intercourse because it brings their partner a lot more pleasure. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. So keep learning new tricks and she's sure to thank you, hopefully in more ways than one 😉 Speaking of diversifying your stimulation tactics, a good fast way to please both him and her is to take the tip of the penis, just the tip, and rapidly rub it against the clitoris. This way you both get intense stimulation without penetration, but he can also finger her if she wants.
Vary Depth of Penetration
The front of the vagina needs some love too. For pretty much the same reasons you want to diversify how you stimulate her, you also want to change up how deep you go in. But before you think of anything else, do yourself and especially her a favor and lube up. Lube is your best friend. It's good to feel full from penetration, but there's more to it than that. The G-spot is about 2.75 inches into the vagina on top wall right below the urethra. When a woman is aroused, the g-spot is significantly easier to stimulate helping her reach orgasm that much quicker. Another factor in varying penetration depth is that his thrusting or her movements change which produces a different kind of stimulation. If you go from deeper to shallower, movements become quicker because there's less distance giving both people more shorter spurts of pleasure. If you go from shallower to deeper, movements become longer due to added distance so the focus is more on the filling sensation.
Find a Good Rhythm
Having just the right rhythm with your partner during sex can add a whole new level to the experience. There's just something about being in sync that's erotic and beautiful. Men tend to focus a lot on the pleasure aspect in their sexual experiences, but the connection and the bond is a major area of focus for a lot of women. Now, I'm not saying that men can't be about the bond and women not about the pleasure, in fact both are to some degree, but generally men are more pleasure focused and women more connection focused. This is part of the reason why having the right rhythm is important, because if you can't match up in some as simple as banging, how are you ever going to be on the same rhythm in every other area of life?
Missionary gets the job done, and there's of course nothing wrong with that but there's a lot to be gained from switching positions. If missionary is your favorite, then by all means stick with it, but just know that there are SO many titillating and tantalizing positions out there. The single most important part of switching positions is communication, because you don't want to be in that awkward situation where you pull out and she gives you the "you want to put that where look?" or when she's about to climax and you suddenly pull out and leave her hanging. It's even worse when you go to move and either she falls off the bed or something bends the wrong way and now she's in pain. All of that can be prevented with just a little verbal communication. Just remember, the more variation you can bring into your sexual encounters the more pleasure she experiences which builds up to orgasm, but doesn't have to be just once. If you do things right, you can keep her orgasming, and the more orgasms one has the more likely they're going to want more sex, and who doesn't like more sex? So save your sex life and switch it up.
Since we gave you the best sex positions for him in our last blog, it's time to talk about the best sex positions for her. Most women tend to favor positions that give them a lot more control, but still enable their partner to do some of the work. Since there are more female friendly sex positions than we have time to discuss, here's the top three we've come across:
Girl on Top: This is more an umbrella term than one set position, but includes both cowgirl positions, amazon where the girl straddles a guy who's sitting down on a chair, and pretty much every single other conceivable position where the woman is on top of the man because that's what allows her to control the pace, depth of penetration, and gives her more mobility than doggy style or missionary. There's nothing wrong with either of them, but they have their limitations.
CAT or Coital Alignment Technique: You start off in missionary, but after penetration he positions himself higher and focuses more on grinding and less on thrusting for more clitoral stimulation. You can chose to wrap your legs around him or bring them closer together under him and cross them at the ankles for a tighter feeling.
The Romantic's Favorite: People love spooning, with and without their clothes on. This one is for all you super romantics out there that want the absolute most out of your sexual experience. Instead of facing away from your partner, lie face to face and side to side so you whisper some scandalous dirty talk into their ears, kiss, moan, caress their face while you make passionate love. This position is more about having a close physical connection. Enjoy the rhythmic motion of skin on skin as pleasure envelops you and your senses run wild from the sweet smell of their hair, the smooth glide of them with you, the sight of someone to share this experience with.
Different Orgasms, Different Pleasure
Yes guys, different women get different amounts of pleasure from different kinds of orgasms. Logically a woman is going to have more pleasure from multiple orgasms than a single one. She may get more pleasure from a vaginal orgasm than from a clitoral one and vice versa. All orgasms are not created equally. Some will take more work, others less. It's a lot easier to accomplish something when you know what you're working toward. The techniques used to create a clitoral orgasm are generally different from a vaginal orgasm. When you mix the two and maybe you even throw some other stimulation you'll get a blended O. We talk a lot more about each kind in our 4 Different Types of Orgasms article if you want a longer explanation of each.
The Cuddle After-Party
First off, cuddling is good pretty much anytime, but especially after sex. Women who cuddle after sex are significantly happier in their relationships than women who still have sex but don't cuddle. There has been study after study after study proving this time and time again. Cuddling also boosts her sexual satisfaction because it makes her feel loved, desired, and validated. So hold her. Lie with her. Tell her how much she really means to you, how much you really love her. Kiss her, on the lips and the forehead. Forehead kiss are SUPER intimate, especially when she's all wrapped up in your arms and it's just the two of you.
And this has been "The Complete Guide to Female Pleasure & Passion" by yours truly, the one and only Lover's Lane Intimacy Advisor 🙂