Continue to Date Each Other
Tons of people get married and might date for the first year or two, but after that dates seemed to be restricted to anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, and Sweetest Day if you’re lucky. This is ridiculous, dating is fun! Plus don’t you want to have some time just for the two of you? Now kids do complicate things, but even if it’s just once every other week, go on a date or at least dedicate time to intentionally become more intimate/romantic. You don’t have to go out and you don’t have to spend hours rifling through the Kama Sutra contorting yourself into awkward positions (although it can be SUPER hot). Maybe you just spend twenty minutes cuddling talking about what you like about each other. Maybe it’s giving each other a sensual massage or sharpening up on your oral sex skills for five or ten minutes. It doesn’t have to be long, expensive, or even frequent; you just have to do it. That’s it.
Flirt with Each Other
Too many couples stop doing this before they even get married, which is a real tragedy. Think about it this way. You’ve worked tirelessly over a long period of time to achieve a specific goal, to make it more concrete we’ll do this. For guys it might be a specific car, set of golf clubs, or maybe a video game. For women, it might be a particular purse or outfit. But after you got that, did you neglect it and go “well I got it, time to chase something else”? No! Now, this is not to say your marriage/relationship is equivalent to an object, because it isn’t, but why do we so often treat them that way? Plus, flirting is fun! Some might say “But Intimacy Advisor, I’m not that good at it” So what? There were a lot of things you weren’t good at once, like walking and talking, but you sure got good at those didn’t you. Flirt on!
Know their Love Language
This one is huge. It’s HUGE! If you haven’t heard of the love languages before, there’s five of them by the way, then please for the sake of your relationship check out our “The Importance of Intimacy” article where we talk about each one pretty in depth, which is why we’re not going to do it here. The basic premise is that while everyone can appreciate and feel loved from any gesture or act, everyone has one or two that mean the most to them. For example, someone might feel more loved when you spend quality time with them rather than just giving a gift, or when you do something for them rather than a hug or a nice love tap on the booty. For some people, they respond the best to hearing “I love you” or compliments. After all, how can you truly deepen your relationship if you don’t know what means the most to them?
Have Sex
This might seem like the most “well duh” suggestion ever, but if you want to have have sex with each other, then have sex with each other, and don’t forget the lube. It’s honestly that simple. Also, work towards getting better at it, because the better you are, the more likely your partner is to want more 😉 Not to mention there are so so sooooooo many health benefits to sex. So many in fact that we don’t have time to list them but here’s another article in case you want to read more about it.
Indulge Your Partner’s Desires
Some people do and some people don’t. Now, you don’t have to constantly indulge them, but it’s best to not ignore or completely reject your partner’s desires. It can be incredibly hot when someone plays on what you crave most. That’s an easy way to keep and get people horny. Not only will it do wonders for the sexual energy between you two, but people will feel more satisfied and loved, if you do it right. Now some people’s desires can be pretty awkward to act on, especially if they have a unique fetish or kink, or maybe it’s just an uncomfortable position they somehow like. Whatever it is, if you’re not totally comfortable, let them know. You shouldn’t have to push your feelings to the side just to fill their desires. Relationships are all about being in open transparent honest communication with each other.
Experiment
Staying inside your comfort zone is all well and good. It can be a fun time there. Missionary is a great position. As sarcastic as that last sentence is, it truly is a good position, but the real fun begins once you step outside of your comfort zone a little. Now, don’t throw caution to the wind, and if you’re really not into something then don’t do it or you could just dip your toe in. For example, if you and your partner wanted to experiment with BDSM for the first time, it’s probably not the best to start off with a hogtie and a ball gag. Just some handcuffs or a blindfold will do wonders. Plus, there’s so much more to explore like the infamous foot fetish, other erogenous zones, or maybe you two devote more time to oral, or try out a new position. The list goes on and on…
Tease Them, Every Once in a While
That one sext while they’re at work. That dirty pic while you two are apart. The sarcastic tease at home. That soft kiss on the neck. That naughty touch under the table on a dinner date. Whispering all the dirty things you’re going to do to them later right before the both of you leave for work. Teasing your partner like this is a phenomenal way to keep the heat and passion between you and your partner. It works best when you find out what really gets them going, and then using that to your advantage. The important thing here is not to do it too often (unless you two are into that) because for most couples that’s how it can lose its magic.
Leave Them Little Surprises
Do an extra chore or write a love note for them and put it in their lunch, especially if you know they’re having a rough time or practically any Monday. This doesn’t have to be big, and in most cases probably shouldn’t be, but a small reminder of your love for them goes a long way. Here’s some other ideas: a nice back massage when they get home from work, it doesn’t have to be long and drawn out with mood lighting, rose petals, candles, and massage oils/lotions, although I doubt they’d say no to that, but just a quick minute shoulder rub can do wonders. Also, just listening (but actively listening) to their day and all the drama or lack thereof. Important note for that last one: don’t give your advice or suggestions unless they specifically ask for it. Unsolicited advice could make the situation worse. Or you could always lie on the bed wearing that hot new piece of lingerie or little to nothing at all to really make their day.
Communicate
If you haven’t found out by now, we’re a big fan of open and honest communication here on Intimacy Advisor, and we’ve definitely saved the best for last. Anyways, communication is vital for both a healthy and horny relationship. Communication increases intimacy and romance, helps to settle differences/problems, and can make for far steamier alone time together. Now communicating might not always be the easiest thing to do, but there’s nothing healthier for a relationship than when both people are able to clearly communicate to each other. If you can’t communicate, how are either of you supposed to make anything work? Marriage and relationships are hard enough with all the external drama, you don’t want to add bad communication between you two to the mix.
