New Year’s Resolutions, But Make Them Sexy

by Kristin T.

December 31, 2023

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That time of year is here again: Time to make your resolutions for how to better yourself and (hopefully) improve the lives of others in the new year! As you’re taking down the tinsel and building your list of the usual suspects, don’t forget to include some goals for improving your sex life!

Not only will making your resolutions sexy work to enhance your overall happiness & wellbeing; they’ll help improve your relationship, too! Struggling to come up with ideas? Read on for some ways to turn your usual resolutions into their steamier counterparts.

Get organized by using a new calendar/planner system:

This is a popular resolution for folks who are sick of double-booking themselves, forgetting plans, or feeling overwhelmed. Maintaining an organized schedule on a shiny new calendar – especially if you can consolidate to only ONE calendar or planner (bonus if you and your partner can share) – can be a great way to help keep your life in order. You want to know a good thing to put on that new schedule once you get a system in place? SEX.

There is a stigma around needing to put intimacy on the calendar to make it happen. Many see it to mean your sex life is doomed or the desire & passion are gone, when this couldn’t be further from the truth. You’re just BUSY! There is absolutely nothing wrong with scheduling sex. In fact, if having more sex is also a priority resolution for you this year, you’re probably better off scheduling it…and sticking to that schedule…to make sure it happens. FullForLife, in their article “Why Scheduling Sex is One of the Best Things for a Relationship” reminds you to schedule with the minimum in mind; that’s the bare minimum amount of sex you both need for general happiness and sexual wellness. Anything beyond that is just a fun bonus! With our often overlapping hectic schedules, penning sex in on the planner and following through can restore the intimacy that has been slowly lost in many long-term relationships. And remember, having some scheduled sexcapades throughout the week does not negate the possibility of spontaneous sex happening whenever you’re in the mood!

Hit the gym regularly:

Building a consistent workout routine is probably THE most common new year’s resolution. Whether people want to go to the gym a certain number of days/hours each week, or just walk or workout at home regularly, burning calories and getting fit is on almost everyone’s priority list. While many people start out earnestly, they unfortunately fall off the wagon just a week or two into the new year. Tying your exercise goals to your loftiest sexual aspirations can at least make them a whole lot more motivating and easier to stick to!

Whether you’re hitting the gym for weights and cardio or doing yoga in your den, almost any extra physical activity is better for your sex life than staying sedentary. Burning calories and getting the blood flowing helps keep hormones responsible for arousal circulating, leading to a stronger libido. Flexibility and stretching exercises can have great spillover effects in the bedroom, too. Don’t forget that sex and foreplay are workouts in and of themselves. While many different studies have come up with many different ranges, it’s generally agreed upon that sex acts burn between 3 and 7 calories a minute, differing based on your sex, what position(s) you’re in, your weight & overall fitness, and how long you go at it. NowPatient even offers a Sexercise Calculator so you can see how different positions add up. Feel the burn!

Also, don’t forget to involve your partner in your workout plans for the new year. Studies show those with a supportive friend or romantic partner to work out with them are 40-70% more likely to stick to their new fitness routine. According to Aaptiv’s article “4 Reasons You Should Be Working Out with Your Fiancé”, working out together can also strengthen your emotional bond, motivate you to work out more often so you look and feel your best (especially if you have a common goal to work towards like a wedding day), and boost your mood…all of which can lead to a healthier relationship…and a more active routine between the sheets! Check out some more ideas for couple’s workouts here.

Lose weight:

If losing weight is on your list of New Year’s resolutions, you’re definitely not alone. While a desire to lose weight should always be personal, and driven more by overall health goals than your appearance or sexual reasons, one can affect the other in various ways. Slimming down and getting stronger – through exercise or diet or a combination of both – can have the following positive influences on your body and your sex life:

  1. More confidence about how you look: Whether naked or donning the latest lingerie, it helps to feel great about how our bodies look in the bedroom. When weight loss starts to make visible changes to your body, you will feel better which can lead to greater confidence and feeling freer to engage in intimacy with your partner.
  2. Ease of reaching new sexual positions: Depending on the shape of your body and your partner’s, sometimes extra weight can make it difficult or impossible to achieve some more adventurous sex positions or adjust for the best angle of penetration. Losing weight can help you fit together closer and in more creative and easily adjustable ways.
  3. More bioavailable sex hormones: The closer you are to a healthy weight for you, the more sex hormones (testosterone in men and estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone in women) you have circulating throughout your body contributing to healthy sexual desire and functioning. If you’re overweight, losing just 10 pounds can free up more testosterone to give your sex drive a boost.
  4. Reduced risk of diseases that can kill your sex drive: Overweight people are typically more prone to developing Type 2 Diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure disorders, and even depression. These diseases themselves, and sometimes the medications used to treat them, are heavily linked to erectile dysfunction or just generally decreased libido. Eating healthy and losing weight can lead to better control of your blood sugar and cholesterol, better blood pressure, and therefore a healthier sex drive.
  5. Improved stamina: As you lose weight and your body’s overall health improves, you’ll find you have more energy for sex and greater ability to last longer (and for multiple rounds) without feeling like you’re going to pass out!
  6. Better orgasms??: Maybe! Being overweight comes with the added risk of having more of a plaque layer inside your blood vessels, which can constrict blood flow, including to your genitals. Less weight = less plaque = more blood flow. More blood flow to your genitals and erogenous zones means more sensitivity and a faster & easier time reaching climax

If you or your loved one are trying to lose weight this year, remember to stay positive and supportive. Remind them that you think they’re beautiful just as they are, but you’re also glad to see them working to get healthier. Work on it WITH them, when applicable. Body shaming and put-downs have zero place in a loving relationship, and will NOT motivate a person. And remember, as stated above, sex IS exercise! Those calories burned can count towards your fitness and weight loss goals.

Improve communication:

Wanting to improve your communication habits is a biggie, especially at work or within other personal relationships. Where are all my fellow neurodivergents at who would like to focus on responding to text messages before 4 days has passed, or who want to stop beginning or ending EVERY text or email with LOL/Sorry/No worries if not/. . . . Make this the year for improving your pleasure communication, too. Gone are the days of slogging through sex you’re not enjoying, or not reaching orgasm because what you’re partner does just doesn’t do it for you…tell them! Communicate your needs and desires calmly and kindly, then work together to fulfill them. Already excellent climax communicators? Maybe set a new goal for sexual communication, such as engaging in more dirty talk or deepening your commitment to character in bedroom role play.

Self-love is an important form of intimate communication, too. Masturbate more so you get to learn your body and what works for you, and communicate that to your partner. Praise and reward all successful attempts your partner makes towards hearing your requests and aiming to please you. Familiar with the Red/Yellow/Green system of BDSM safety communication? Make sure to provide positive feedback by saying plenty of “Green” when they are doing something you love!

Be more adventurous:

Let’s face it…the start of this decade revolving largely around doing your best to stay home and stay healthy has turned a lot of us into, well…homebodies. If you or your lover are trying to make venturing out more a priority this year, don’t forget to include some adventurous sexual exploration in the mix. What “adventurous” looks like can vary widely from couple to couple based on their baseline and how “vanilla” their sex life may or may not be, but here are some ideas to try. Hopefully they can spark some adventurous encounters for you & your lover so you can keep spicing up your sex life all year long:

Deepen your doggie style: Doggie straps can allow for deeper penetration and stronger stimulation of the g-spot and vaginal walls, increasing pleasure and comfort for both partners.

Light their fire: Heat up your sensory play with the sensual dripping of a skin-safe warm wax candle. Don’t forget a blindfold to up the intensity and surprise.

Take an artistic journey: Have starting a new hobby on your New Year’s Resolutions list, too? Why not take on some erotic art activities with your lover? The Love Is Art set allows you to create a beautiful painting with just your bodies and their natural motion during lovemaking. Or, use your lover as the canvas with some delicious aphrodisiac chocolate body paint…then lick it off and get to lovin’.

Try toys: If you’ve never incorporated toys into your bedroom before, what are you waiting for? Add a simple couple’s toy like the We-Vibe Chorus to your mattress mambo, or use a powerful new wand vibrator to make your lover come ’til they can’t cum anymore. Strokers and clitoral toys with insertables can be enjoyed together during mutual masturbation sessions, or by using them on your partner.

Take your kink to the next level: If all of these suggestions sound too tame for you, it’s likely you keep things on the kinkier side. Whatever kink or fetish you and your lover enjoy, delve into it further by reading books or watching videos together to see how to turn up the turn-on factor of all your darkest desires.

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