Sex Isn’t Always Pretty…and that’s OK!

by Erica G.

November 1, 2021


Tips for Embracing & Enjoying “Messy” Sex

Sex in real life usually doesn’t look like it does in the movies…it’s not supposed to!  If you want to truly enjoy rewarding, inspiring, earth-shattering sex, it’s time to flip the script!  Being comfortable with yourself and your body, and having the right mindset can lead to more & better sex, more often. Let’s discuss how you can boost your sexual confidence & embrace who you are!  Read on for some ways to get past the worry about what you think sex should look like, and instead enjoy it for what it really is – messy.

Get Used to Loving Yourself

How can you expect anyone else to indulge your wildest sexual fantasies if you aren’t quite ready to allow yourself to get swept away? You need to become extremely familiar with your body, awkward parts and all! Your lighting isn’t professional, your thighs or tummy may not be flat or toned, you may feel bloated – all of this is OK! Understand that who you are is more than just how you look – it’s how you feel on the inside and how you project yourself. Trust in the fact that your partner finds you irresistibly sexy, and you’ll soon feel that way yourself!  No, you’re not always going to be in the mood, and things won’t be perfect, but don’t ride the excuse train into a sexless existence.  Being confident and comfortable starts in your own head, and having a healthy mindset about your own body image and desires can lead to more rewarding sex.

Practice Solo

Try giving yourself an orgasm (or two!) How does it feel? What do you really enjoy? Pay attention to the little things – your breathing, your voice, your body relaxing before tensing up for a major climax. Enjoy the messy, noisy, squirming orgasms you deserve, without the pressure of a partner witnessing it. Just focus on having FUN while you please yourself ; there is no one keeping score.  Explore your own body and pleasurable new sensations with a g-spot vibe or a vibrating stroker, and call it a learning experience!  Those who are in touch with their bodies through regular masturbation can be more tuned in to their lover in bed, and can focus on how they know they really like it!

Be In the Moment

You and your partner are on this journey together. Don’t shame each other or even put yourself down for how you look or how you feel; that’s an instant mood killer!  Letting your guard down and letting someone love you for who you are is extremely rewarding, plus, it’s the first step toward true sexual ecstasy! When you’re tangled up in the sheets with your lover, make sure to stay in the moment…even if it’s a messy moment.  You may get a cramp trying a new position, you may pass gas and giggle about it…it’s all OK!  Shut out those distractions and that self-doubt and put your whole self into your lovemaking.  It will help you enjoy your sex more and help your bond with your partner grow stronger than ever!  

It’s Gonna Be Messy

Sweat, body fluids, sex lubes, massage oils, your clothes and underwear strewn all over the floor and/or bed…sex can and will (and should) get messy!  Set those worries aside and dive right in! Why feel awkward when you are built to feel so much intense pleasure? Maximize the pleasure and ignore any creeping feelings of doubt or disgust. Besides, if you are worried about making a mess, your mind is in the wrong place. Focus on the carnal pleasure and pure enjoyment of what you’re doing together! Quickly spread out the machine-washable Fascinator Throw if things might get really hot & slippery!  There is plenty of time after to deal with any messes.  Plus, getting down & dirty just gives you an excuse to shower together, which can add a whole new layer to your fun.  

Stop the Comparisons

We are constantly exposed to media that tells us how we should look, feel, act, dress and enjoy things in our sex lives and romantic relationships. All of this sends the wrong message, though. Only YOU and your partner will truly know what feels right, and that comes from exploring together with zero judgment. YOU get to decide how you feel about your body and what brings you pleasure – no one else.  Shame is a horrible gift, often given to us when we are young, and it can be hard to stop feeling guilty or bad for something you absorbed as not being “right”.  What happens between consenting adults is their business. If you are both comfortable with something sexually, give it a try!  Don’t compare it to anything you’ve seen on TV or anything you’ve been taught before…just relax and go for it. No-holds-barred, in-the-moment pleasure is the secret to enjoying ecstatic, raw, exciting, messy sex…just the way it should be!

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