The first part of this article is devoted to people who want to have anal sex and what you need to know to have the best love making possible. The second part will be addressing a lot of questions, some common, some maybe not so common.
If you’re about to try anal play for the first time, there’s a lot of stuff you need to prepare. Arguably the most important thing you absolute need is lube. Whether you think so or not, if you’re going to try out some anal play, you need lube. The anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina, and it’s a smaller opening. Lubricants that are specifically made for anal are generally the best, because that’s their purpose. Intimate Earth has Soothe, water-based, and Ease, silicone based. Then Pjur has their two variants, the water-based and silicone based.
DO NOT use any numbing gel, liquid, or other substance. You want to feel everything so if something is wrong you don’t keep going and seriously injure yourself. If you want something to relax your anus more than a massage then use Adventure Anal Gel for Women from Intimate Earth, and don’t worry guys, there’s Daring Anal Gel for you too. Neither one has an anesthetic numbing effect but instead relaxes your anal muscles with a natural blend of clove, goji berry, aloe, and lemongrass.
Fingers & Massages
As important, if not more important than lube is preparing your anus to have something inside it. This can and should be a slow process. It is best to explore your butt/anus by yourself before bringing a partner in. Feel around your anus before sticking anything in. There are SO MANY nerve endings there just waiting to be pleasured, and an anal massage is a great way to stimulate them while relaxing them and yourself before penetrative anal play. Here’s some steps & techniques to a great anal massage:
- Make sure your nails are trimmed and filed so there’s no sharp edges
- You do not want any anal tearing
- Wash your hands
- Lube up your finger (decreases friction)
- Take one finger and
- Rub clockwise in big or small circles
- Rub counter-clockwise in big or small circles
- Rub up and down
- Rub left to right
- You don’t have to do all of the above; they’re just suggestions
- Reapply lube as needed
- Use multiple fingers
- Use your thumbs
- Use your middle three fingers
- Use your middle & index finger
- Go as slow or as fast as you want, do what’s comfortable
- Wash your hands when done
Next up: fingering. Anal fingering is not like vaginal fingering where you can enter, go all in, then proceed to thrusting and/some g-spot stimulation. So after a good anal massage you can move on to fingering if you want, only ever do what’s you’re comfortable with when it comes to anal play.
When you want to begin, make sure you have lubed up your finger again, then stroke the anus so your finger is right over the opening. Bend your finger down so it barely catches the inside of the anus and hold it there for a bit to let your body get use to the feeling. Then lift your finger up so it is touching the top of the anus, but you’re not quite in yet. Now repeat this process about three to four times, and each time you move go ever slightly in more. This slow and gradual progression in will help the anus relax and it will be far more comfortable for you partner.
Once your finger is in up to the first joint is where you want to stop because now you’ve reached other muscles that require a different kind of attention than the first. Inside of going up then down and slowly moving in, you want to tease it. It should most closely resemble a tickling sensation, your finger isn’t going so fast that it’s almost vibrating but a little faster than a slow and sensual stroke if that makes sense. About half a minute in, you should feel them relax and their anus will open up a lot more and you can slowly progress to more finger at the rate which they feel comfortable. If they do not open up, DO NOT push your finger in more. Ask them how they’re feeling and what they want you to do.
If your partner does relax more and open up then the techniques you can use for finger are pretty much anything they want/feel comfortable with, just please use lots of lube and do not hesitate to reapply if you feel the need to.
Aka Anilingus, Aka anal oral sex, is not for everybody, but if you enjoy it or want to explore it then more power to you! Own your sexuality and never let anyone tell you otherwise! As for specific advice concerning rimming, here’s some pre-ass licking tips for the best experience:
- Make sure you & your partner have no STIs
- It might be an uncomfortable conversation, but better safe than sorry
- Clean everything
- Clean your whole body, but ESPECIALLY your butt and anus
- Use an anal douche
- Use a flavored lube if you don’t like the taste of butt
- Which would you rather taste: flavored lube or ass?
As for which techniques you could use to really make ’em moan, here’s what I suggest: Circular pleasure– switch between clockwise and counterclockwise motions with your tongue. Directionally challenged– Move your tongue, up, down, left, right, diagonally, in a spiral. Your tongue might need to ask for directions haha! Lip service– just like it sounds, you kiss the butt/anus.
Levels of Penetration
This is where we’ll discuss what some might call the “main event” where we introduce a penis or other phallic object, or maybe you just want to use a butt plug then get fucked vaginally. It’s your body; it’s up to you. I certainly don’t judge, and anyone that does isn’t worth the time. Anyways, getting away from that rant, we’ve already discussed two levels of penetration: no penetration (anal massage, rimming) and fingering. So now we’ll go onto the last three:
Butt Plugs/Anal Beads
Butt plugs are great for a wide variety of reasons. They’re great on their own or to complement oral/vaginal sex. Some vibrate and others don’t. Most all butt plugs are tapered for easier insertion. Some are even made to be worn all day.
Anal beads are the same concept as a plug (as in they go in the butt) but they provide different sensations. If you’re new to anal beads then the best material is for sure silicone. They also provide more stimulation upon entry and departure from the anus.
Yes, you want to use an anal lube with both butt plugs & anal beads.
If you’re comfortable with a butt plug and want to experience something more but don’t quite want to go for a penis just yet then there’s the whole world of dildos to explore. However, you probably want something on the smaller side like a Realcocks Sliders instead of a King Cock.
You have finally arrived to penis stage! I’m sure your partner is overjoyed to take you from behind and enjoy some anal bliss. Make sure that your butt is ready to receive a penis and it’s all lubed up before anything goes in. Other than that, have fun!
Why It Feels So Good
For females: The clitoral tissue/glands extend over to the rectum enabling anal penetration to stimulate the clitoris. The vagina and rectum share some nerves from the anterior wall. So anal stimulation can also rub those nerves the right way.
For males: the prostate can be stimulated and provide multiple orgasms.
The NEED for Communication
The single most important part of any anal play with a partner(s) is communication, hands down. You need to communicate what feels good and what doesn’t so they can adjust their thrusting, position, speed, angle, etc.
Communicating what you want and don’t want, like and don’t like is the single biggest factor that will effect the quality of your anal play with a partner. Yes, lube is vital. Yes, you need to go slow. But if you don’t communicate, you will not have as nearly as good a time as you could be having.
Questions & Answers
Will I get pregnant?
There’s practically 0% of getting pregnant from anal sex because there’s no egg to fertilize in the anus. Although, in some extreme cases, sperm have swam from the anus to the vagina says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., clinical professor, obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive sciences at Yale School of Medicine.
Should I pull out or can I ejaculate inside?
That’s up to your partner receiving anal. There’s no medical problem to ejaculating inside though.
Should I use a condom?
Yes, you should use a condom. Here’s why: you don’t want anything getting into your urethra because that can cause a UTI (urinary track infection) and nobody wants that. Even if they use an anal douche to clean out, there may be some left over fluids/other stuff depending on when the last time they ate anything was. Also, there the risk of STIs.
What if their penis gets poop on it? Can I prevent that?
You can prevent getting poop on their penis pretty much entirely. As mentioned above, using an anal douche to clean out your rectum will significantly reduce the likelihood of getting the ever dreaded “poopy dick” and using a condom (which I highly recommend) would prevent anything fecal matter to get on the penis as you could just take off the condom and have a clean penis.
If you didn’t use a condom or an anal douche and there was poop on the penis, do not freak out, just move to the shower and wash it off then rinse all the soap off. Just remember than water is not lube nor is soap. If you want to resume anal play after that, go for it!
What are the best positions?
The best positions for anal sex are
- Doggy style
- Or have them bend over the bed, table, etc.
- Reverse cowgirl
- Where they lie down on their stomach and you lie on top
- Where they lie down on their back and you stand
- I recommend you put a pillow or a towel underneath their butt for better positioning/support
How can I prevent pain?
Some people naturally have pain with anal sex no matter what, but following everything we talked about in Prep Work is your best bet to avoid any pain.
Isn’t anal sex like, really gross?
Only if you think it is
How fast should they go once inside?
That’s totally up to you
How far in should they go?
That’s also totally up to you
How do I talk to my partner about wanting anal?
Like an adult. Seriously, just sit down and have a serious conversation about your sexual preferences. I know it might be awkward, but better to express yourself than repress yourself.
How does anal sex differ from oral/vaginal sex?
This sounds like a whole different article, but the short answer is: almost entirely. There’s a lot more work that needs to be done. TONS more lube and communication is necessary, and it often produces different orgasms.
Is it ok to go from anal to vaginal sex?
Short answer: No. Long answer: You would need to switch condoms and clean off your penis to make sure that there’s no fecal matter (poop or other stuff) to ensure you’re not introducing the vagina to any germs, bacteria, etc. Plus, you need to make sure your partner is ok with it. Most people only want one kind of penetration per love making session. And yes, I’m counting double penetration as one kind, since it’s simultaneous.
Will my anus remain forever stretched?
No, your anus will go back to it’s natural size, not immediately but soon after.
Does my butt need aftercare?
Yes, it’s a good idea to clean up externally that is. But try not to sit on the toilet as your butt is likely tender and expelling the lube from your body is not a good idea. Those muscles just got one major work out and they need some time to rest before you put them to work again. Plus, cuddling after sex is a great idea, so do that for a good amount of time before you do anything else, and the more skin to skin contact the better.
Where is the best place to have anal sex? How realistic is anal porn? Should I use that as a guide?
The best place to start having anal sex is definitely the bedroom, but once you get more confidence in your anal skills then don’t hesitate to venture outside the bedroom.
Anal porn is not realistic at all. NEVER USE PORN AS A GUIDE. Porn is a performance, and not an accurate representation of anything.